Limericks Mk VII

GET REAL (1)



She jumped to her feet in alarm.

He stopped her by grabbing her arm.

“Don’t panic, my dear,

you’ve nothing to fear,

all the ladies succumb to my charm.”



GET REAL (2)



“Succumb to your charm? What a hoot.

You’ve less charm than a busted old boot.

You’re totally stupid

to think that you’re cupid.

Don’t be such a silly old coot.”



THE SIMPSONS



Don’t worry too much about Bart.

He’s really unusually smart.

His teachers all say,

he’ll make dux one fine day,

if Homer will just do his part.



SODOM AND GOMORRAH



I’m sick of this blasphemous scene

I’m sure Lot would know what I mean

I simply can’t stay here

I can’t even pray here

It’s ungodly and foul and obscene.



IMAGINATION (1)



The dark cupboard under the stairs

is a haven for runaway bears.

There are tigers there, too,

escaped from the zoo.

Says my little son; no-one else cares.



IMAGINATION (2)



Our daughter’s a Barbie Doll fan.

She gets some each year from her Gran.

But the tigers and bears

who live under the stairs,

will eat them, if ever they can.



IMAGINATION (3)



Your brother’s not wicked, Louise.

He’s only a terrible tease.

Your dear Uncle Brad

used to make me so mad

when he put my dolls in the deep freeze.



FANTASY (OR IS IT?)



In the playroom behind all the shelves

There are pixies and fairies and elves

They make such a din

That the orcs get called in

And that’s when they injure themselves.