Encouraging Words: Who Would You Be?

Everybody wears masks of some sort. Some masks have become so thick through the years that we use them to protect us. It would take years to peel them away if we ever could. So the question is, whom would I be if you take away the mask composed of my job, skills, or status? Who would I be if instead of being incredibly handsome and good looking; I was incredibly talented with a beautiful singing voice? Those of you who know me personally realize that was a hypothetical question since I fit neither of those descriptions. Who would I be if I were less intelligent and instead enjoyed jumping motorcycles over 25-parked cars? The answer to that one is crippled, brain-damaged (more so) and/or dead! Or who would I be if my present identity were different? In truth, we gain most of who we are by what we are and we protect what we are with the masks we wear. Jaques in Act II of Shakespeare’s As You Like It, said, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts...” Robert Fulgrum said that even the names by which we are called are masks that other people put on us. So, I’m not sure if we ever are really truthful in what we say or how we act. So there you have it. We are all a bunch of manipulators that change names and use the various characters we play to get people to do what we want them to do!

So what brought this sea of moroseness flooding in upon us? Well, this friend, who shall remain nameless, began asking questions and making statements about what I did and how I reacted to various situations. This erstwhile friend raised issues, some of which may be true, that started me thinking about them. Now, the question is how can we find some redeeming value in it. Are we all really manipulators just shucking and jiving everybody for our own benefit? In life’s purist form I think we are. Let’s face it, at the top of the needs pyramid is survival. But we are very complex beings and one thing that demonstrates our complexity is we often go against the odds and do that which is not in our personal best interest. There are people like the soldier, who in the heat of battle throws himself on a live hand grenade to save his buddies; the man in the plane crash in Washington, DC who kept passing the rescue rope so others could be saved and ultimately gave his own life. And like me, give me a break, I have occasionally let my kids have the biggest piece of cake, or sometimes wash the dishes, even though I didn’t want to wash the dishes and knew that if I ignored them my wife would wash them. That fact would bring on another load of guilt, which probably is another form of manipulation, but I am not sure by whom. As you can see, this topic is rather deep.

I think the thing that keeps us from being manipulators is integrity. Integrity is having a strong moral code, being incorruptible, being complete, or undivided. It is by that moral code you measure all your decisions. Whether you have consciously created your code or it has been formed and shaped randomly by those significant others in your life, it governs your every action. It is that code that makes us human and people of integrity. You need something outside yourself to be that measuring stick. Whether you are Christian, Jew, unbeliever or a follower of another religion, I encourage you to consider the Bible as a standard for moral conduct. Obviously those who follow it’s tenets stray from it at times, but because it is unmoving it allows us to check our course and the decisions we’ve made, then make the corrections necessary to get back on track. It is having a rock, a stationary point of reference to which you can return when things get confusing. There you can re-orient yourself to what is really important.

Realize that you are a person of integrity, good or bad. For integrity does not mean you are good, but that you have a consistent moral code that is undivided. The best of us have those qualities we wish we did not have and those we label as bad have some qualities that are good. While there is value in our actions, they in themselves do not make us good or bad. It is the internal moral code and our orientation to the Eternal God that ultimately determines our goodness and value. Therefore, do not browbeat yourself for whatever actions you may have done. Instead review your relationship to God for that alone is of supreme importance.