Can I Fight to Live?

"Can I Fight To Live?"
(written 6/19/01. titled 6/29/01 - 17 years old)

I found a place in my thoughts-
A home for you.
You made a place in my heart,
And stayed there, too.

At first you were weak:
Just another voice.
But now I have to listen to you.
Now I have no choice.

You have grown stronger.
Parasitic to me.
You've taken over my eyes
So now I can not see.

Due to your harm,
Of you I wish to be rid.
But I'm so very scared.
Will I be able to live?

I don't know, so I continue.
I accept your abuse.
People say to get away.
I'm always there with an excuse.

I'm closing in on death.
And its all because of you.
I should have fought for me,
But I didn't know what to do.

Is the damage irreversible?
Or can I now fight to live?
I'll use all of my strength.
I'll give all I can give.

Yeah, I say that now.
But will I really try?
I say I'll fight to live,
But will I really fight to die?


Good choices can't be made
While you're in control of my mind.
I'll have to rely on a friend.
I'll see who I can find.

I'll need to learn to like me
And not focus on all that's wrong.
Cuz then I can go my own way.
I can march to my own song.

And that friend I find can help me
To do exactly that.
He can lead me into light
And away from your mighty wrath

He can help to give me courage
So I can start to heal.
He can take me by the hand
And show what's fake and real.

That's if I choose to live.
Not an easy choice to make
Cuz I know it involves a lot
Of time and risks I'd need to take.

But its something I have to choose
Before it is too late.
I don't want only time to be
That which seals my fate.