If You Listen...

Won First Place, Weems Concepts 1999 Time Travel Contest, Published in the Time Travel Anthology. There was a word count limit, so it might seem rushed. One day I may expand it...


Every so often a person wonders, ‘what if I had done that differently’. Everyone dreams of changing the outcome of something bad, but how was I to know it would turn out this way?

In 1992 I worked for one of the top research facilities, trying to find a cure for cancer. Mary had just given birth to our first child, a beautiful little girl. We named her Rachel and brought her home with all the hopes and dreams every new parent has. Taking care of a child turned out to be harder than I thought. She was sick most of her first year, making it even more difficult. As she got older, she became pale and listless, not nearly as active as other babies.

Her symptoms concerned her doctor. He ran some tests and with those test destroyed our world. I knew something was wrong when he asked us to come in for the results. Her doctor sat behind his desk, fidgeting with a pen. “I don’t know how to break this to you, so I’m just going to say it. Your daughter is very sick. The tests we ran show that she has leukemia. At her age, survival is rare.” He tried to be as gentle as he could, explaining all our options. That only told me how bad it was. My world crumbled. It had been so hard for Mary to have Rachel; there wasn’t a chance of her surviving childbirth again. The doctor finished, telling us to call him anytime we had a question. I helped Mary up and thanked him. Can you believe I actually thanked him? What I really wanted to do was punch his face in. I wanted to make him hurt as much as I did at that moment.

On the way home Mary sat in the backseat, holding Rachel’s hand. I should have known that something was wrong. Babies are active and responsive, aren’t they? The next few weeks were hell. I took time off from work. My boss, Ray, was more than understanding. Other researchers could take up the slack, he told me. I decided to get a second opinion. Mary couldn’t handle it, so Rachel and I went alone. It turned out the same. So did the third and fourth ones. Finally I had to accept the truth. There was nothing I could do.

Then came the treatments. Drugs ravaged Rachel’s tiny body. Modern medicine threw everything it had at her cancer, but nothing changed. She slipped closer to death’s door. Eventually there was nothing to grasp on to, no hope left. The doctors sent her home. Make her comfortable; enjoy what little time you have left, they told us. We brought her home and two weeks later she died in Mary’s arms.

Afterwards Mary withdrew into a fantasy world, rarely coming out. I threw myself into my work. For years we lived that way. Every time I looked at Mary, I saw Rachel. I had to stay away or I would go mad. I know that sounds harsh, but I couldn’t help it. One night I came home late from the lab and found Mary dead in the bathtub. She had overdosed on sleeping pills. All her note said was she was too tired to go on. I sold the house. The thought of living there was more than I could bear. I stayed at the lab. What else could I do?

Finally I made the breakthrough I was looking for. One of the vaccines showed signs of destroying cancer cells while leaving healthy cells alone. I worked even harder to prove it safe. I infected hundreds of test animals. Every one went into remission. There were a few harmless side effects, nothing like chemotherapy.

One morning reality brought everything crashing down. One of the test animals infected with leukemia went into remission. All the grief and anger over losing Rachel and Mary washed over me. Suddenly nothing else mattered. I ran to my boss’s office, slamming through the door. Shocked, Ray jumped back. I stormed around his office. “I can’t do this anymore. I got the breakthrough I’ve been looking for and it can’t help her, nothing can.” I rambled, not knowing how to stop the wave of grief rushing over me. Ray sat there quietly, waiting for the stream to ebb. Finally I collapsed into a chair. Ray stared at his desk for a few minutes. Then he looked up. “I don’t want to lose you Paul. You are one of my best researchers. Without you, we would have never found that cure. Think of all the lives you will save.”

Praise meant nothing to me. “What good is a cure if I can’t help the one person who mattered the most to me? I have no reason to go on. Why should I, everyone I loved is dead?” Defeated, I got up to leave. Ray raised his hand. “What you need is hope.” His voice was so calm. Anger swelled within me again. “What would you know of hope? The last ten years of my life have been a nightmare. Who do you think you are?” Ray got up and came around the desk. Standing in front of me he said, “I am the man who will change your life.”

Ray told me about a new invention, finally perfected and ready for a human test subject. At first I thought he was nuts. Time travel was impossible. But he took me to the lab. Not a very impressive machine, just a simple metal tube with a door. Thick wires snaked across the floor to a large mainframe computer. Ray introduced me to the lead scientist; a small, unobtrusive man named Todd Barks. Todd showed me the research data and the tests they had run with animals. Now they were ready for a human subject.

Ray had an interesting proposition. The FDA was ready to approve my cancer vaccine. He suggested that I use the time machine to go back before Rachel died and give her the vaccine. Thinking back now, I should have refused him. But I was so distraught I would have agreed to anything. I sometimes wonder if that was what Ray had been counting on.

Todd explained that it would take a few days to set the machine. Which worked out great for me. I still had to synthesize more of the vaccine. We had been using it so fast in our testing there wasn’t enough for a person Rachel’s size. Several days passed before we were ready.

Todd spent the better part of that morning explaining what needed to be done. Normally they set the machine to return within minutes. But I needed more time than that. Electrodes were placed on my temples and chest, with strict instructions on how to reattach them when I was ready to return. Todd wanted to know everything I experienced during the trip. I had always assumed a person would have to be naked to travel back in time. Not so. The entire tube went back. That’s why it took so long to put it together. They needed to make sure that the tube wouldn’t materialize in the wrong place. Although it would be translucent, it could still cause damage. I carefully packed the vaccine in my bag. I also took a back up disk of all my research. Todd suggested it. You never know what the effects of time travel will be to the future. Ray gave me a tape he had recorded, so if the future changed he would know what we did. Todd showed me how to work the controls. I stepped in, not knowing what would happen.

Suddenly a bright light bathed the inside of the tube. The tube roared and shook with an incredible force. Just when I thought I would go mad, everything went black. The shaking slowed, and then stopped. A flashing green light informed me I had arrived. I gathered my courage and opened the door.

I stepped out into the backyard of the house Mary and I lived in so long ago. The light in the den was on. I walked over and saw myself sitting on the couch crying. Memories flooded back. This was the night we found out Rachel was sick. Perfect. Mary had taken a sleeping pill before going to bed. I had gone downstairs to think, falling asleep on the couch. I watched until I saw myself lay down. Then I went around to the back door. I knew it would be the easiest way in. We never locked it. I entered the kitchen and made my way upstairs. I went into Rachel’s room and shut the door. Turning off the monitor, I reached to pull her blanket down. The night lights glow lit up her tiny face. It had been so long since I had seen her. How beautiful she was. Her little mouth opened, still sucking on an imaginary bottle. I opened my bag and took out the vaccine. The syringe was filled and ready. I rubbed a little alcohol on her leg and positioned the needle. What I didn’t expect was for her to start screaming. I finished the injection and grabbed my bag, closing the closet door just before the bedroom door opened. From inside the closet I could hear myself pick her up, cooing softly. Rachel calmed down immediately. A few moments later the mattress creaked and the door closed softly. I waited for another ten minutes, then I left the house. The tube was still in the backyard. I connected the electrodes and pushed the buttons.

When I returned the lab was different. Not by much, just bits and pieces. Ray and Todd were standing right where I left them. Ray walked over and shook my hand. “It’s nice to see you again,” he said with a big grin on his face, “how did it go?” I handed him the tape. He put it in the player and sat down. It surprised him when the vaccine was mentioned. I hadn't invented it in this future. He was glad I had a backup copy of my research. That kind of discovery would make us all rich, he said. Then Ray brought me up to speed on my family. Rachel had a ‘miraculous’ recovery. The second doctor’s tests came back negative. Her pediatrician ran them again. Negative. The doctor felt that the laboratory made a mistake, giving him the wrong results the first time.

I went back to my lab and down loaded the vaccine’s information onto my computer. My team could start work first thing in the morning. I wanted to see my family.

As the years went by, Rachel grew to be a bright and beautiful girl. My group worked on the vaccine day and night. We finished our testing in record time. The day the vaccine went for FDA approval the entire lab celebrated. The FDA ran it through every test, netting the same results I got. When the FDA approved the vaccine, Ray surprised my entire staff with paid vacations. I ended up as a vice president in charge of research.

Shortly afterwards, the time machine lab had an accident. The machine malfunctioned, causing the death of Todd Barks and several lab assistants. There was a lot of flack over the accident so Ray decided to cancel the project until things cooled down. Ray died of a heart attack before he could reinstate funding.

Mary and I raised Rachel to believe in herself. We taught her there was nothing she couldn’t do. And she learned these lessons well. As she got older, she developed a driving desire to become the first woman president. She wanted to prove to herself that she was more than the daughter of the man who cured cancer. She started volunteering for political parties she believed in. She worked hard, learning the art of politics. When she was old enough, she ran for city council and won. She became known as an honest and hard working civil servant, something this country hadn’t seen in a long time. With each office, she put her heart and soul into the job. The policies she implemented help make her more memorable to the voters. As time progressed she won election after election, gathering supporters by the thousands. When she became the first female president my heart nearly burst with pride. Mary and I spent our fiftieth wedding anniversary standing at her side when she was sworn in.

Unfortunately Rachel’s presidency was plagued with problems from the start. The U.S. and Russia had been having problems for a number of years, but were always able to keep their cool. But this Russian leader didn’t like dealing with a woman. Rachel couldn’t understand that. She was raised to believe that gender didn’t matter, only abilities. The more he snubbed her, the more upset she got. In an act of anger, she pulled all of our diplomats out of Russia. Then she kicked all of Russia’s diplomats out of the U.S. Each side upped the ante, until the inevitable conclusion.

The newscasters are calling it Armageddon. I think it's payback for my arrogance. Everything happens for a reason. I should have left things the way they were. Not that it matters now. Even the time machine couldn’t save us. Not enough time left.

You know, if you listen, you can almost hear them whistling.