The Funeral

In Oudacyte, a small southern town, things are a little different from other parts of the country. Case in point was the funeral.

The funeral was held at the First Baptist Church of Oudacyte with the Rev. John J. “Booty” Catorwohl officiating. Rev. Booty had been the pastor of Old First Church for 22 years and knew where all the skeletons were buried. He further knew who was married, divorced and/or related to whom and all the taboos about what could and couldn’t be told in this small community. He was known for his diplomatic and comforting funeral messages.

He also had a very precise, melancholy temperament, always completing his part of the service in not more than twenty minutes. As usual, prior to the service beginning, he reminded the funeral director to have the cemetery crew ready at twenty minutes past the hour to help the older mourners down that little slope near the grave. He would be starting his closing prayer at exactly twenty after, and you could set your watch by that.

The deceased was Robert Edward (Barney) Sednwol, III, a genuine hometown hero. He was the son of Robert E. Sednwol, II and the grandson of R.E. Sednwol, Sr. for whom the county is named. R.E. came to the area at the age of twenty in 1886 and began a logging business. From that he built an empire of land, cattle and various other businesses. He served as sheriff and county judge. His son, Robert E. Sednwol II also served as sheriff and as a state senator for 28 years. One of his most notable accomplishments was to form the county of Sednwol from two adjacent counties and name it for his father who was still living at 98.

Robert Edward (Barney) Sednwol, III was born into this affluent, aristocratic family. He lived on the family estate in the mansion his grandfather had built and enjoyed a privileged life with all the amenities of the upper class. In high school he was the star football player, earning a scholarship to the state university where he was an outstanding athlete.

Because of his patriotic fervor, he left the university after he completed his four years of football eligibility, but prior to graduation, to join the US Army. He was anxious to get involved in the Korean war that was just heating up and served three years in that conflict. Not wanting to take advantage of his status, he enlisted as a Buck Private and four years later was discharged as a Private First Class.

Returning home, he took the traditional route of the Sednwol clan by offering himself for the office of sheriff and won a landslide victory, demonstrating that Sednwol money had not lost its power in the county. However, Barney turned out to be extremely dedicated and a well liked good ole boy. And he was as honest as the day is long.

Rev. Catorwohl recounted the tragic events that led to Barney’s passing, stating that late in the evening, Barney stopped to change a tire for a lady and upon completion of the task, he stepped back to give a snappy salute, as was his custom, and backed into the path of an 18-wheeled Peterbilt tractor-trailer.

After the coffin had been brought into the church, Rev. Booty rose and greeted the family, thanking the friends for their coming in support of this grieving family. He then gave the floor over to Mrs. Nadine Thibodaux, wife of T-boy Thibodaux, a transplanted Cajun, to sing, “When They Ring Those Golden Bells.” Everyone always remarked how wonderful Mrs. Thibodaux sang.

There was a tradition at Oudacyte funerals. During the service, a time was always reserved for anyone who wanted could say something about the deceased. With such a high profiled person as Barney, Rev. Booty knew there would be someone who would want to or feel compelled to share some anecdote or tidbit about the deceased, and he purposely cut short his message to accommodate that.

When that time arrived, Rev. Booty asked if anyone would like to say a word about Barney. Jimmy Joe Johnson, sitting about half way back in the church, rose from his seat and walked toward the front of the church. It had been Rev. Booty’s experience that when someone walked to the front, as opposed to speaking from his seat, it meant a longer oration.

Jimmy Joe, turning to face the congregation, claimed to be a blood relative, third cousin on his mother’s side, of the deceased. You could see puzzled looks on the faces of the congregants as they tried to reassemble the family tree in their minds to determine if what he said was true. Jimmy Joe had moved to California following completion of the third grade and so no one really remembered him. But that did not matter to Jimmy Joe as he launched into his mission, to bring Barney to life again.

He first spoke about the tragedy of a young man cut down in the prime of life, a hero taken abruptly from his family and the community that needed his skill and wisdom. Naturally the people responded with “amen” all over the church. Jimmy Joe had not let the cat out of the bag, so to speak, yet. He said that he was a member of The Church of Eternal Enlightenment of the True Vine out in California. He allowed that the co—pastors of his church, the Reverends Billy and Buni Brubaker had restored several back to life. Although he had not personally witnessed these events, he was sure the testimony of his pastors was true. Further, they had intimated that he might have that same power and bolstered by his pastors’ encouragement, he was here to prove it. He announced in his high-pitched, nasal voice, “Brothers and sisters, I call down the power, to call forth the dead and to raise the living. I mean, to raise Robert Edward “Barney” Sednwol, III, back to life and restore him to his loving family!”

The crowd was visibly moved as indicated by the sighs, gasps, a few whimpers and hands raised to cover opened mouths. Several folks, especially those with small impressionable children, got up and hurriedly exited the church. They were, in fact, going out every opening including some windows.

Jimmy Joe dived into the effort to bring Barney back by pleading with the powers that be to restore him. He got down on his knees, beat on the coffin, sang and chanted in his efforts.

The Rev. Booty Catorwohl attempted to intervene in these events. Jimmy Joe would have none of it and increased the level of his pleadings. In an effort to move things along, he redoubled his efforts and leaping astride the coffin, he rode it as if it were a horse. As the old folks would say, “He grabbed a hold of the very horns of the altar”, begging and pleading for Barney to come forth.

As he was attempting to exercise his power over the dark grave, the latch on the back leg of the stand holding the casket came unhitched. The back of the casket fell to the floor and Jimmy Joe, wet with sweat and unable to get a hold on the coffin, slid off the back onto the floor, exhausted from his ordeal.

Seizing the opportunity, Rev. Booty stepped forward once again and announced they would go on with the service, but Jimmy Joe made one last appeal to the church.

"Dear brothers and sisters," he pleaded in that same high-pitched, nasal voice of his, “I know I heard something a stirring in the coffin. Please, let's open her up and be sure before we put this poor soul in the dark, dank grave.”

Dr. Royal Johnstone, resident physician and county coroner rose and addressed Jimmy Joe and the congregation. "Sir, I did the autopsy on Sheriff Sednwol, and in that coffin are part of a leg, one arm, four ribs, some skull bones and all the brain we could scrape from the pavement and the grill of the Peterbilt radiator. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't think Barney would want to live with no more parts than that."

With that pronouncement, the Rev. John J. “Booty” Catorwohl declared the restoration a failure and proceeded with the funeral.

Having had the better part of his preaching time consumed by Jimmy Joe, Rev. Booty summarized his message by saying that he knew Bro. Barney was now with the Lord, a-rejoicing with his grand pappy, R.E., even thought he didn’t have all his body parts with him.

Following the funeral service, the mourners moved to the cemetery adjacent to the church building and prepared for the graveside service. The Rev. Catorwohl was famous for short gravesides and shortly had finished his part. It was now time for the 21-gun salute by the local National Guard and the playing of Taps by Harley Metts from the Oudacyte High School Marching Band. This would complete the service for Sheriff Sednwol.

Barney's mother was emotionally drained, what with Jimmy Joe's antics, the heat and just the nature of funerals. When the first volley of guns went off just a short way behind her folding chair, she swooned and slumped in her chair. One of Barney's brothers, holding his two-year old son, saw her slump and cried, "Oh my god, they shot Mama!" Tossing his son to his wife beside him he turned to Mama, and said, “Mama, Mama, are you alright?"

From that day on, we were prepared for most anything in Oudacyte, where as long as you're in town, you may be out of mind, but you're never Oudacyte.