Happy Again?

"Happy Again?"
(8/30/01 - age 17)

Out with my friends
I'm laughing and smiling,
Having a good time.
Things couldn't be better.
The worst is over;
The pain is behind.

But they don't know
Its all a lie.
Inside I fall apart.
Alone at night I cry and cry.
I'm hurting.
Why can't they see
Through my flimsy mask?

I came home today,
After laughing and letting them think
I was having fun,
And looked in the mirror,
Telling myself that I would make it this time.
That I'd faked my last smile
And cried my last tear.
I had this feeling,
And just KNEW it would work.

"I never saw this coming"
Is heard a few days later.
Maybe if they looked...
Maybe if they cared...
Maybe if they listened
They would have understood
That my hurt, it never stopped.
I just tried
To stop hurting you.