Over my shoulder

Looking
Over my shoulder
I see what I was
And all I have done.
The victims lay
Sprawled, motionless.
I did this.
I hurt that person
I hurt this one
I made that mess
I left this one
I did that.

Glancing forward
With fearful eyes
I see what's coming.
More pain
More misktakes.
I never could
Do anything right.
Never.
Ever.
Ghosts of future victims
Lay sprawling in my mind.
I'll hurt that person
And this one;
I'll mangle that life
Twist up this one.
I will do that.

Staring reluctantly
Over my shoulder
I see what I was.

One victim is me.

I hurt me
Over and over again.
I messed up my life
Over and over again.

I can try
To get it right
But I've done that too
Over and over again.
Why look forward?
All I will be
Is right there
Over my shoulder.