The Pyschiatrist

she saw the psychiatrist, with an added twist at the end

She couldn’t even hear her name being called sitting in the doctor’s office, because she was wearing ear pods, and had the music cranked up all the way. She jumped, startled when the nurse came and put his hand on her shoulder. “Are you ready, Megan? The doctor will see you now.”
“Sure am, and I saw the elephants on the ceiling dancing along to the Musak, I am the corrupter of all things human. I can see inside your skull, and those thoughts of yours are dirty. I’d appreciate it if you leave me alone.”
The nurse shrugged, and said, “Come, this way. The doctor is waiting.”
“Oh, ok, I guess the breathing walls can wait for an extraction.”
Megan walked back to the doctor’s office, where she was warmly greeted by a woman of middle eastern descent.
“Have a seat, I’m doctor Imam. I would just like to get to know you a little bit. It says here on my chart that your thoughts are somewhat disorganized, and you have been experiencing hallucinations.”
“Yes, I have, and I do so sorely miss how I used to be,” Megan said.
“Well, let’s see if we can’t get you back to that, ok,” the doctor said. “Have you ever tried abilify? It is unique among the antipsychotics because it doesn’t cause sedation in most people, and we can give you an injection which lasts for a month. I also think that you may need some sort of mood stabilizer.”
Megan smiled, “Yes, I guess that would be fine.” Then she started laughing maniacally, as if someone told her a great joke.
Dr. Imam leaned back on this chair. “Yes, from what I gather from your charts from the hospital, and your behavior, that I believe the diagnosis of schizophrenia is well suited. It is only a way for the doctors to know how to treat you, but I agree with them at the behavioral health hospital, that you were suffering from a psychosis, do you remember what it was like when you were admitted there?”
“Yes, doctor, I thought that there was a methamphetamine manufacturing plant on the floor above, and the doctors were the king pin sellers of the ice. I was so scared of people because they could read my thoughts.”
Dr Imam looked Megan in the eyes and said, “That was not real, in fact that was a hallmark delusional system seen in schizophrenia. But listen, Megan, what you need to know is that the medication out today is much better than it used to be. I’m hoping that with a shot of apiprozol, you’ll be free of some of these delusions. Do you remember what medications they were giving you in the hospital?”
“Thorazine, lots of it, and Haldol, injections. That’s why my hands are shaking right now. “
“Ok, well we will give you some Cogentin, and also some propanalol to help with the tremors. Are you depressed?”

Megan sighed, “Yes, I am. I don’t know what to do anymore with my life. I’m lost now, my brain is destroyed. I wish that I had something to make me feel better.”
“How about avulety? It’s a new anti-depressant with both bupropion and dextromethorphan. Both drugs compliment each other, and you should feel better. So, we are going to be giving you an abilify injection, Lithium for mood stabilization, and Avuleti for your depression. Anything else?”

“No, thank you doctor.”

“No problem,” Dr Imam smiled, “So you want to buy some methamphetamine?”