The Universe Loves Balance

In a court ruled by a cat, in a world of assassination attempts, one being will not bow

The calico cat sat on a hand-woven, gold-stitched old pillow, on top of a granite dais taller than the tallest human in the court. The emperor sat on the cat’s left, on a mahogany wood throne, and the empress sat on the right, on a similar throne, except stained dark blue. On the floor, in front of the thrones, a bald man knelt, with his forehead on the cool marble floor, and his hands holding up a silver platter with bits of fish scattered across it.

Two steps behind the man, a guard, the royal executioner, stood with his sword held in two hands, raised above his head. Around the pair, various species of cats lay on cushions. Some slept, some groomed their paws, and some stared at the fish on the platter. Guards in bright yellow with red-trimmed uniforms, opposite of the executioner's uniform, stood straight and didn’t move.

In the corner, a guard sweated as a young coal-black kitten with ivory white paws played with a tassel that hung down from his belt. To move or annoy the kitten meant instant death.

The calico cat yawned at the fish, but a white and gray tabby hopped down from the lap of an older woman and padded over to the fish. As it approached from behind, it walked over the back of the supplicated man, paused on the very top of his head, licked a paw to make sure everyone in the room watched it, then padded across his left arm to arrive at the plate.

The empress whispered something to the emperor, which caused the calico cat to glance at the woman and yawn. The court paused. No one breathed. Only the slight yangle of the kitten and the tassel interrupted the silence, until the calico shifted position on the pillow, tail to the emperor, front paws stretched out, and the tabby’s eyes closed three times before it leaned forward and took a bite of the yellow fish closest to it. A purr erupted from the tabby, and in unison, everyone let out their held breath.

Other cats joined the tabby, and a man with a bent back shuffled from a dark enclave, pinched a piece of fish between his thumb and ring finger, his last remaining fingers. He hobbled up the three shallow steps and placed the piece between the calico’s paws, then, as quick as his bent body would allow, he shuffled back to the dark place.

Once the pieces of fish had disappeared, the bald man unfolded himself and tentatively walked out of the room, careful to avoid the cats that rubbed on his legs. He didn’t succeed, as a yawl, much like a baby's scream, pierced the quiet room. The scream echoed off the granite walls, but before it could die out, the executioner had separated the man’s life from his body. Two young men who wore rags sprinted from beside the door, grabbed the body, and dragged it from the room. Another four teenage boys crawled forward with golden towels to wipe up the blood.

The calico yawned again and rested its head on its front legs.

The noise level in the room increased as guards talked with their comrades. A few scratched cat foreheads and chins. A few cats rolled around and played with various felt toys.

“We seek audience with the ruler of this kingdom of cats,” a black-bearded, massive-shouldered man said as he strode into the room. Behind him, two females in skimpy dresses and two males with crossbows kept pace.

The empress spoke first, “King Dudias, what brings you to court?”

The emperor, with furrowed brow, added, “And why do you use such a loud voice?”

King Dudias stopped ten feet from the thrones, and his four companions spread out beside him like a fan. The crossbow men faced the guards while the women faced forward, their silver throwing knives glinted and shone in the bright lights from above.

On the right, the incense finished, and the ashes fell, allowing the slight cat urine reek to intrude on the room. Above, hidden behind curtains, guards notched their bows, each aimed at a different person below. The guards on the floor raised their swords.

“We are not happy with the tithes. They are too high, and our children starve.” King Dudias stepped forward, his stare on the emperor.

The calico on the dias appeared to sleep while the empress responded, “Then you need to work harder, or you could remove your children.”

The emperor yawned as he said, “Again, and again, every week you come before us with something about starving children.”

“Yes, but this week’s different,” King Dudias said and drew his sword. The women threw their knives at the calico cat, while the crossbow men each fired and hit a guard in the heart. The executioner stepped forward to engage with the king.

The calico leaped in the air as the knives clanked and chipped the dais where the cat had slept.

Moments later, arrows appeared in the five attackers, and the court stilled.

“So much blood,” the empress commented as she brushed her dress off as if the floor had dust.

“I never liked your brother,” the emperor said. He still crouched behind his throne, his hands shook as he tried to steady himself.

The calico sat on the former king’s head, its tail swished, while the teenage boys removed the other bodies.

“Was that Uncle Mike?” a teenage girl, Princess Diane, said from the doorway. She had just returned from ten years of schooling in the distant city of Mailicas. She hadn’t seen her uncle in all that time, nor set foot in the throne room since her third birthday, when the empress had sent her away for schooling.

Behind her, eleven pre-teen and teenage girls almost paused in their giggles, or at least quieted as much as a gaggle of girls can quiet.

“Oh, what a cute kitten,” the princess exclaimed as she rushed forward to pick up the calico. The cat hissed, but the girl shushed it with a finger bump on its nose. The other girls rushed to the other cats, each picked up and held a cat like a baby.

The cats, stunned by the rapid turn of events, tried to get away. They hissed, they clawed, they bit, but the teenage girls, the natural predators of the arrogance of the cat, giggled and called the cats silly kittens. Speechless, the court stared at the audacity of the girls. Six people had recently lost their lives for annoying the cats, and yet, the cats, overwhelmed, realized that a superior animal had bested them, and they all settled in to an afternoon of tea parties, dress up, and more affection than a cat could ever want.

The kingdom moved back into balance, a three way triad, the mom’s above the teenage girls, because while the girls could throw tempertatrums, mom always knows best, and the cats above the mom, demanding pets or food or a change of the little box, and of course, the teenage girls above the cats, the natural foil to the best designed animal in the universe.

That uneasy truce or balance exists to this day. You may wonder about the Dads and the teenage boys; well, they also wonder where they fit.