Men, Women and Cars

Is there a connection between the kind of woman a man dates and the car he drives? After years of careful field study I feel confident it is no coincidence that men seem to match their choice in women to their style of vehicle. This is not a superficial observation. It goes deeper, as do the men in question. As you will discover, this delicate balance goes beyond year, make and model (of both the women and the cars) and reaches into the very heart of a man. Not only will you find that vehicles are suited to the personalities of their owners, but the way a man treats it is a peek into how he will treat his beloved.

Before we get into the treatment of the cars (or trucks), we'll take a look at the vehicles themselves. Let's begin with a look at:

The pick-up truck.
There you see him, the man of your dreams. He smiled at you, you chatted, exchanged phone numbers and now you're on a date. Did he help you into the truck because your skirt was too short for you to manage an easy slide into the passenger seat? Be warned. You must be carefree: a "hop in the truck and go" kinda gal. He's a practical man. He doesn't just want to get from point A to point B, he wants to be able to do things along the way, maybe stop and haul something. Men who have an aversion to heavy labor are not often found in the cab of a truck nor are the women they prefer. Besides, he needs a pick-up for all his camping equipment and the monstrous dog he's crazy about. You do love camping don't you? Keep in mind there is more variety available today in the type of man who drives a truck when such things as optional third-row seating, leather or fiberglass toppers, and hitches, winches and tailgate extenders are factored in. For simplicity we'll stick with the basics. No matter what may be added, this guy is as down-to-earth (literally) as they come.

Sports cars.
You're thinking Fun, Fast, Free! So is he! If you like a wild ride, you're young or young-at-heart, then this is the man for you. Even if, after the wedding bells and the baby shower, he still insists on keeping this car, be forewarned that he will still be youthfully exuberant. Hire a sitter and fly with him on a Friday night or you may find yourself having the same argument every Saturday about his Boy's Night Out and how you never get to go anywhere anymore. Note: Count the number of seats in the car. Is there a back seat that could easily seat more friends if necessary or even a car seat for junior? This is good. If however, you're gazing at a two-person-only car, I strongly recommend you have a long list of babysitters who can accommodate short notice.

Jeeps and Off Road vehicles.
Refer to the sports car category and combine it with the heart of a truck man. He's thinking fun . . . on the side of a mountain. No squeamish women need apply.

Motorcycle.
This man wants a woman who is wild, daring, carefree! The first thing to check is the size of the passenger seat, if in fact there is one. If the seat is too small to accommodate anyone and is in fact, merely for show, he's here for a good time, not a long time. Either that or he expects you to have your own ride. If you can talk make, model and output with this man and love to spend Saturday afternoons poring over the latest arrivals at the dealership, you are probably destined for one another. However, it might be a good idea to see what his winter vehicle is like if you happen to live in a region that gets snow. He doesn't have a winter vehicle? Oh, he takes the bus or relies on friends, or you. Do you hear warning bells? No? Then have a great summer you wild, carefree woman and let caution fly on the wind as you get your motor running and head out on the highway! If the bike in question happens to be a Harley-Davidson then note that the assertions made here are increased ten-fold.

The sturdy four door.
Like the pick-up man, this one is practical but in a more suburban way. Chances are good, he'll open your door for you and pay for the entire date. He carpools though more than likely, his car is the one used every day. He has never been late to the voting polls, never missed a family reunion and wants a woman as deeply committed to the "white picket fence, two kids and a dog" dream as he is himself. In the married years, this man may opt for a sports utility vehicle. Still practical, still reliable but more embracing of the wild side he denied himself in the younger years. Besides, it can hold more children and groceries and maybe even a cocker spaniel or two. If the reliable four door should be replaced by a van, hold him tight and sigh the word "family." Get ready for children, road-trip vacations and a wide assortment of pets.

Rabbits, Fireflies and other such bits of tin.
Run! Run away as quickly as you can, unless you too are an economical sort of gal. This man doesn't want a woman with pie-in-the-sky dreams of being a writer or an actress or any other sort of economically precarious endeavors. He doesn't want or need the acreage or the suburban two-storey. A cozy apartment with candle light dinners (the electric bills these days are outrageous you know), plank and brick furniture and stacks of library books (cable television and purchased books are frivolous of course) are enough for this man. All he needs now is a frugal woman who knows that pinching pennies for a back-packing trip through the hostels of your own country is really living. He's never even heard of room service. Oh, neither have you? Well, this is your man!

The Bus.
This category does not apply to those who use the bus to commute to work. Public Transit used by those men who do not own cars are the ones being scrutinized, er, studied here. First of all, let's give the poor guy a break. Is he under twenty-one? Assume he's saving up for the car or truck of his dreams. In his thirties? Beware. Either he's the Bit of Tin, frugal sort taken to extremes or he's lost his wheels. Look past his heavenly smile and sexy bedroom eyes and listen to the tale he tells of the great car, truck, jeep, motorcycle he once owned. Does it sound plausible that the accident wasn't his fault? Oh and yes he did have insurance, of course, but alas, they refused to pay. Now would be the time to ask if he had or has pending any court dates over the matter. If you can get past his ‘come hither' gaze, better start making plans to look up good old cousin Greg, or perhaps I should say good old Constable Greg and see if this guy has anything on the record.

Station Wagons.
By Station Wagon, I mean the good old-fashioned, low, boxy car gone terribly awry sort of vehicle. Not only do they still exist, some of them are still in working condition and in today's world, have taken on a whole new meaning. Sadly, they've even made a comeback, though they're a little shorter now. Still—a station wagon is a station wagon. If your dream date picks you up for dinner driving one of these, feign a headache and tell him to say hello to the wife and kids for you. If you're sure he's not married, and you like a man with the practicality of a four-door and then some, go for it. Don't expect fine wine and French cuisine. In fact, be prepared for burger joints, beer and long walks to the Auto Trader to hunt up the part nobody makes anymore. If you're the sort of woman who believes ‘you get what you get and you make the most of it' and the smell of an automobile grave yard sends joyful tingles down your spine, then you just might be his dream girl.

Now that you've learned something about him through his automobile selection and determined that you are the woman of his dreams, it's time to peer a little closer. Scrutinize and analyze. How does he treat her? It isn't coincidence that men seem to view their cars as female. Whoever ‘she' is, bear in mind that his relationship with her is a reflection of the one you and he will share.

The Perfectionist.
When he picked you up this evening, there was not a spot of dust anywhere in the vehicle and it smelled clean and fresh. You could swear he vacuumed and polished it just before he arrived. Rest assured, he did. Though, come to think of it, when you think back to yesterday's date, you could of sworn he'd vacuumed and polished then. He did. If his vehicle of choice is a pick-up, does he brag about how he had the leather topper custom made and that he has never, ever hauled anything in the bed of his truck? Does he hate the word ‘pick-up'? Are there his and hers vanity mirrors on the visors? Is his hair always perfectly in place, his clothes always pressed, his smile sparkling, nearly blinding white? He's a perfectionist. At dinner, do you find that he sends the waiter away before you've had a chance to order a triple fudge sundae? Or perhaps having ordered a dessert, does he ask you as delicately as possible if you really need that slice of cheesecake and are you aware of how many calories it contains? If you don't mind such probing questions and, in fact, you invite him to your exclusive gym, perhaps even refer him to a divine nail technician who works wonders with cuticles as you run a perfectly manicured nail along his arm, then you may be a match made in heaven. Spoon feed him a bite of your cheesecake and revel in your shared joy. You can be each other's trophies!

The Slob.
He pushed the CDs, papers and travel mugs off your seat so you could sit next to him in the front. Not that you could have sat in the back anyway since there isn't a spot untouched by an unrecognizable assortment of items, some of which are creating a funny odor in the car. At least he has eleven scented cardboard trees hanging from his rearview mirror so it isn't completely unbearable. He was even nice enough to rub the mud off the door handle so you could let yourself in without getting your hands dirty. He keeps meaning to get to a car wash but he just gets so caught up in the moment of wherever he is, doing whatever it is he's doing that he forgets. Life is to be spent living, not cleaning! Got a run in your panty hose, dribbled a bit of special sauce on your chin during dinner? Don't worry. He probably won't even notice. He won't notice new curtains, new furniture or your new hair style either. He won't remember your birthday or his own and forget about celebrating your anniversary. If being noticed matters to you, perhaps you might want to rethink a life with this man. There'll be no point complaining about being the one stuck cleaning up after him day in and day out—he not only won't see the mess, but will wonder how you do.

The Mechanic (sometimes referred to as Mr. Fix It or the Busy Body).
His vehicle is always running in tip top shape. If you don't mind stopping on the side of the road because he heard a sound that doesn't belong there, then buckle up and enjoy the ride. He'll have the problem fixed in a jiffy. He can repair anything. Keep in mind that he may want to fix you too if you're making a sound that doesn't belong. It may not occur to him that you miss him when he's off working on his buddy's engine or painting the spare room at his mother's house and will assume that awful whine you're emitting is something you need to handle yourself. He expects you'll be able to fix the leaking faucet as easily as he himself could if he weren't already so busy repairing the neighbor's deck. Busy. This man is always busy and wants a woman who is equally hard at work. The only exception is Sunday morning. That time is off-limits to the outside world so prepare for languorous hours to be whiled away in bed. For romance? Hardly! You're both too tired to move and need the sleep.

The Family Man
His car is always neat and presentable. Perhaps he didn't vacuum just before your date, but he did do it last week and although there is some garbage in the car (perhaps a gum wrapper or two), it's neatly stored in handy disposable bags hung on the door handles. He loves the variety of buffets and family restaurants that cater to the needs of everyone, young and old. After a fabulous dinner of chicken fingers and fries, he'll take you to the amusement park and offer to store your purse in the trunk of the car so you can feel freer on the rides. A peek in the trunk of his sturdy four-door (you weren't expecting anything else were you?) reveals flares, cables, a tool box, blankets and a real spare tire, not the donut that came with the car. He's a responsible man who will loan you his jacket if you forgot to bring one. He's not completely old-fashioned though. He believes in equality and will expect you to work—if you want to, not because you have to; a bonus is that he'll do the dishes too. He wants to take care of you. There aren't many of these men around but if this is the one you're looking for, work fast. He must be snapped up as quickly as possible or he'll be off the market before you can say "I do." Don't worry that you're rushing things. He wants the wedding more than you do!

The Average Joe
These men roam the world in abundance. They aren't too messy, aren't perfectionists to the point of insanity, they don't think about marriage all the time though they think of it on occasion. They aren't pathological in their quest to be on the move at all times nor are they so lazy that looking for work is more than they can bear. They work, play and hang out with their friends and hope the right woman comes along someday, though they aren't desperately searching for her. Their vehicles need to be cleaned once in awhile and they seem to know just when that is without being fanatical over it or blind to it for months or years on end. The women they choose to date are like-minded. Just the Average Joan. Sure the car breaks down once in awhile but they know a good mechanic, and yes, the toilet that won't stop running is annoying but either they can fix or they'll find someone who can. These men enjoy life some days, dislike it the next, but then so do the women they love and they know that in the end, everything will work out because it always does. Sounds like you? Well, clearly you understand the human race and have a healthy acceptance of who most of us are.

Happy Hunting to you all and remember the two most important rules of dating. First, have fun and secondly, use your own discretion. As we near the end of this tutorial, I give you this caution: Should you happen to use any of the guidelines outlined herein, keep in mind that actual results may vary.

Special Note:
None of the vehicle categories should be taken into considertion if the man you are dating has his own airplane, yacht or limousine. In the unlikely and ever so lucky event that you have found such a man, toss out the guidebook and explore your newfound possibilities with abandon—and bring back gifts for your envious girlfriends when you return from wherever it is you jetted off to on a moment's notice.