The Everyday Struggle

Every morning with the
screech of the alarm
my mind vomits
and my neck twinges with the pain
from a daily hanging head.

Will there ever be a day
when I live calm and collected,
don't have to agonize
about whether or not
I've spoken before I've thought,
or if I have misplaced
my work, my keys, or my brain?

Always behind.
Full of frenzy.
Always SLAMMING
full force into walls.

The frail, sick
beast in the pack-
Running, frothing,
eyes wide and white.
Gasping and weary from
chasing my peers,
just waiting for
the shredding pain
of the lion's teeth
at my throat.

I know others glare
with minds silently scorning,
         "slacker"
         "smooth talker"
         "rule bender".
Apparently I have
what it takes to
clone the manner of every other
stressed-but-capable student,
to get away with academic murder.

But damn I HATE floundering
in increasingly deeper
vats of excuses.
I'm drowning
in the sticky sweet syrup
of smiles and lies.

I know how save my ass,
but what about saving
my pride?