The Penny

“The frankest and freest product of the human mind and heart is a love letter; the writer gets his limitless freedom of statement and expression from his sense that no stranger is going to see what he is writing.
- Mark Twain's Autobiography, 1959 preface

The woman hesitated, frightened to find what she most expected. She had wondered so many times if they were still there. Of course not, she’d reason to herself. Of course not. She paused, and finally the compulsion got the best of her and she found herself propelled through very little power of her own, approaching the familiar tree. She stopped and told herself to just leave, They aren’t there, why torture yourself? No way. Many months had passed since last seen, a whole winter, overly wet and wild amongst them. Yet, she must check, for the knowledge that they are gone is a simple acknowledgement that it is over.

Gathering one more deep breath, she approached the tree, the tree underneath which she had known her greatest love. Where she discovered love, abounding and so pure, roses bloomed in her name. Her senses reeled with such intensity; the sensation and unbridled passion showered her like hailstones in an unforgiving storm.

A penny, a coin left by her lover as a token of a visit not spent together. A symbol of his love to her as he had hoped that she would come searching for him, even though the rendezvous was not scheduled. A penny he had carefully hidden, placed in plain sight in a pocket formed amidst the twisted roots of the forgiving tree.

He had shown it to her the next time they met there. She had embraced his sweet gesture to endear her further, this symbol of his love and faithfulness.

Weeks later, she too went to their lover’s knoll under the tree. Alone though no date set, in hopes that her lover would be there waiting, knowing as lover’s only can that the meeting was meant to be. Waiting, absorbing the energy of passion that had electrified the air and surged into the soil. She had not expected him, but she waited and sighed, happy to watch the familiar pair of squirrels playfully taunting each other, mates for life, a smile for them and the thought of her own true love.

As time passed and the days grew cold, the lovers found a warmer haven. The grassy knoll and the tree were all but forsaken.

Knowing the treasure would be lost, she still felt propelled, drawn to the base of the tree that knew so many secrets. How could the coins possibly still be there? Rain and wind would have surely exposed them to passers-by or flushed them down to the nearby ravine, or even buried them deep into the root system, an iron supplement vital to the glorious tree above.

She looked for a few moments from her height. Not many leaves or debris littered around the tree in the well manicured park. She knew they were well hidden and always difficult to find each time she had so many times checked before while in the arms of her lover. Always to be found, the symbol of their togetherness and bond.

No, they were gone, perhaps found by children, gleeful to find a treasure of not one, but two pennies. She bent and swept the dirt and decayed leaves once more if only to remember the cherished moments absorbed into the earth’s center, as it had been absorbed into hers.

As she rose to leave a lackluster roundness caught her eye, dark brown almost black, and dull as a moonless, starless night, there in the crook of the of the giving root, she spied it. Could it be? Chills run the course of her body, as she reached for what had to be an old leaf. A shot again ran through her as she picked up the weathered penny. Her heart warmed and grieving at once, and beneath it, half buried the second penny, to think of the possibility of fate, still lending a hand, after all, the pennies still together. She held the pennies a moment, gazing longingly at their tale. She considered sliding them into her pocket, but knew their place was with the tree, planted as a seed to grow and bloom into eternal love.

As she stooped to replace the magical seeds, perhaps to grow again, she noticed a glint. She brushed away the mulching leaves. A third penny? Not shiny and new, but bright compared to the others. Her excitement and expectations mounted. Not so old, this penny, she thought, as she plucked it from its concealment, wondering long and hard. A warm breeze rustled the leaves and the squirrels took a brave turn so close to her and scampered up the tree. She stood frozen, her soul escaping momentarily from her body, a quick flight to lover’s land. Could it really be so? Had her lost love also have ventured in search of seedling pennies, offering yet another token in the name of love?

As cast off lovers often do, she could never believe that he did not feel the same, the emotional, spiritual bond, the fire was there, the love could only be real. The powers that brought them together… such an astonishing tale, gave them breath as stolen lovers. The forces that worked against them, won out in the end.

She had not talked to him since the day he had asked her if they could still be friends. “Of course.” Her voice cracked. She had not spoken to him since their last conversation when he stated that their relationship was not honest. How can you say that? Her reply, “I honestly Love you.”

His quiet, sad reply echoes over and over in her mind from so many months ago, “I have not forgotten that, I have not forgotten that.”

The forces against them were far too great. Yet, powers that drew them were most extraordinary. Something must be said for that. Yes, something must be said for that.

She replaced the pennies, and digging in her pockets found another to leave for the great tree. Another deep breath, a tear, a sigh for the squirrel lovers, and she returned home.

~~~**~~~

Her children and husband greeted her upon her arrival home. Her grief and anguish once again masked, as she put aside her broken heart, and proceeded about her normal business. Dinner to fix, homework to be completed, baths, and readying for tomorrow. Yet, she was distant and distracted. When all were asleep and the house finally quiet, she took up her pen. With a great sigh she began the letter she had so longed to write, the letter she hadn’t dared ink, in fear of further rejection. As she did when she sent the very first letter to her lover so long ago, she asked herself, What have I got to lose?

My Dearest,

Please know how many times I have wanted to bellow out the words ‘I hate you!’ Please know further that each and every time I immediately repent, and think of the greatest gift I ever received, you.

You were sent to me, as if out of nowhere, like a penny from heaven, to help me on my journey. Because of you, feelings and emotions came alive in me that I never knew existed. Oh yes, one reads of them in fairy tales, and the foolish ones grow up believing that knights on white horses really do sweep the damsels off their feet, fair damsels that speak to the wild creatures of the forest, and sing only of their one true love who will eventually find them. And, damn it, in those wonderful, make-believe fairy tales, their dreams do come true, the handsome prince comes, and they live happily ever after. How dare they.

Our fate was not so fortunate. Environmental circumstances were never in our favor, though the forces of the heart found its way, my knight fell of his horse. Oh, were it to be different, that we would be free to be loved and give love? Would a non-clandestine romance have found its way?

From one so true of heart, to one not so true, I beseech you know, as true love goes, I finally understand the meaning, and this I know is what I feel for you.

It was terrible not to be able to give you all, perhaps the same for you and this is why you flew. Our time was rare and stolen, so difficult to give you all that I wanted from such distance. Since our parting of ways, I have oft times wondered, considering the beauty of our moments shared, if you are as miserable as I? I have missed you so.

But with all this, my darling, I let you go. I want only happiness for you. Upon a shiny new penny, and with each penny found this is my wish for you..

I wish you happiness and love
Good health and shining stars above.
I wish you treasures of pirate gold
The wisdom of many lives old

I wish you many moons and splendid nights
Heady romance and heart’s delight
Yes, my friend, I wish you dear
Always in heart, I hold you near.

Thank you, Prince Charming, for all you’ve given me. The sorrow was worth the pleasure, and like a penny from heaven, the blessing was all mine.

With eternal gratitude and Love,
Briar Rose


With tears and twitching lip, the woman folded the paper and sealed it in the envelope. With a kiss and a hope, she placed it in her bag to mail the next day, if she dared.

The following day as she walked the short distance to the mailbox with her secret letter without a return address, she spied it gleaming on the ground. Along her way, she found it, a bright, shiny, new penny.