A Life And Death Experience

So pleased to meet you, Ms. Dethdor. Thank you for choosing “Way To Go” funeral planning. Your decision to purchase a pre-need funeral plan is a wise one indeed. My name is Justin Case, and I’ll be taking your order today.

Before we start, would you care for some coffee, a soft drink perhaps? No, I’m terribly sorry, we don’t have anything stronger. Well, yes, but it isn’t for human consumption. That’s a very good suggestion. I’ll tell my supervisor.

Let me start by asking you a question. Would you prefer a traditional burial, or cremation? I see...of course I don’t mind! It’s my pleasure to see that you are well informed and satisfied when you leave here.

Let’s start with cremation, shall we? It’s the least costly choice. Our basic package consists of what we like to refer to as “burn em & urn em”. Oh, OK, sorry! Now, some people want to have a viewing before cremation takes place. That does raise the cost somewhat. Which brings me to another option. We have rental caskets available if you don’t wish to purchase one for viewing. Naturally they are completely gone through by our housekeeping department after each use. Now then, the clothing you choose to wear during the actual cremation process, also makes a difference in the charge for this service. Oh yes! If flame retardant materials are your choice, the cost is of course, much, much higher. I’m sorry you feel that way. Yes, I can understand why it burns you up. No, I don’t have the authority to make changes in our pricing policy. I’m terribly sorry! Now, to continue...We have an exquisite selection of urns in which to place your ashes. Oh, uh huh, sure, having a friend in the ceramics business is definitely a plus. Yes, it is something to think about. True, every little bit helps!

We also have several splendid burial plans if you should decide to go that way! Our caskets are state of the art, crafted with some of the finest materials available. All of them come with warranties. Well, you’ll want to feel confident that moisture and vermin can’t invade your final resting place, won’t you? Naturally, a higher quality product carries a better warranty. Prices to exhume are constantly rising and it isn’t always easy to dig up the dirt on you, so plan on spending slightly more if quality is important to you. That’s true, but I can’t think of any other way to ensure that the product lives up to its guarantee.

I feel obligated to tell you that in rare instances, a ‘lemon’ finds its way into our inventory. If that should happen we will replace your original casket with a model that matches your original selection as closely as possible. You might want to consider letting us update your clothing and hairstyle at that time...perhaps a manicure? We like to do everything possible to keep you looking good. Lack of exposure to sunlight definitely changes your appearance! You should think about going with something just a little brighter...only a suggestion mind you! Although it’s highly unlikely that you will be stuck in an inferior product, planning ahead is a must!

Yes, I understand how overwhelming this can be. So many choices, so little time. No, good heavens, no! I only meant that my next customer will be arriving at any moment.

Certainly, take your time. Shall we schedule another time for you to come in and finalize your plans?

Again, thank you for choosing us. Let me assure you that I am certainly looking forward to seeing you one last time.