Regrets

Published in The Oak, January 2000



Then with a faint smile, he said, 'I deeply regret what I have done, Joshua.'

Joshua woke with a start. The dream lasted longer this time. Before it had always ended with a blinding light. Now the light faded to reveal an old man, oddly dressed. Although his clothes appeared to be from a past time, the material didn't look right. And this time the old man spoke. But what did he mean? What regret?

Joshua glanced at the clock. 3:15 in the morning. If only Dad were here, he'd know what this meant. Joshua's chest tightened at the thought of his father. He reached down and pulled the old photo album out from under his bed. Turning on the light, he opened the book and slowly turned the pages. His father's face smiled at him, transcending space and time. Pictures of the two of them together, always smiling. This was all Joshua had left of his father.

One night, ten years ago, his dad didn't come home from work. No sign of him, no word. The police figured he had run off and left them. Almost five years later a couple of hikers found his car at the bottom of a ravine just a few miles from his work. Tears spilled from Joshua's eyes, dropping on the pages. Minutes passed before he was able to stop. Carefully he wiped the pages with his pillowcase.

He closed the album and slid it under his bed again. After his dad disappeared, his mom got rid of everything he'd owned. Joshua retrieved the album from the trash can and kept it hidden. It pissed him off that his mom was so willing to believe he had run off. Joshua didn't believe for a minute that he left them. He just knew something happened to his dad. Deep inside him was a voice that kept telling him what really happened. And when his body was found, Joshua's feelings were confirmed.

Joshua laid back down on the bed. Maybe he could go back to sleep now. Suddenly a blinding light filled the room. Joshua cried out in surprise and covered his eyes. As the light faded he saw the old man from his dreams.

"I only have a few moments," he said, "and I must tell you this."

"What?" Joshua croaked.

"Ten years ago my entry light caused your father to run off the road and die. For years I've wanted to correct what I had done, but I took an oath. All the historians did. But I still had to come see you, to tell you what really happened. No matter what the consequences." His smile faded. Sadness washed over his face. "I am truly sorry for what happened. I know your father would be proud of you."

And with that, he vanished.