Dear Monday...

Dear Monday,

Generally speaking, I don't like to play favorites with the days of the week but today I just had to write you and find out… What did I ever do to you to deserve the day you gave me today!?

First, I wandered, sleepy eyed into the bathroom and used hemorrhoid ointment for toothpaste. NOT the minty freshness I was looking for!

Next, I attempted to go to work, on time mind you, and discovered not one but TWO flat tires. After a couple of calls to AAA and a list of mobile repair businesses, I was finally able to sit back and wait for them to arrive… And wait… And wait. Well, at least I was able to read the newspaper, TWICE!

Third, I was too late to get the in on even the worst of the donuts in the lounge. Big Ed had eaten my share with a smirk and a “You snooze you lose” remark. I would have knocked the powdered sugar right off of his face but I knew that you were to blame.

Finally, I was able to get to work and complete my assigned tasks. That was followed by a final paycheck and a lovely pink slip.

I must inform you that if this is to continue, I WILL be boycotting Mondays. I will also ask all of my friends, family members, and pet goldfish to do so as well.

Signed,

Chump the lump