Christmas Dinner

This was the start of another late December morning. Stanley was a delivery driver busy delivering the last minute Christmas packages. On most days he loved his job especially when he delivered a Christmas gift that was unexpected. He never thought in a million years that he would turn into a Christmas present himself. In the most bizarre of occurrences this is what has happened.

“The staff meteorologist Henry Walkins has predicted that this day will be sunny with the temperatures in the mid 40’s. Make sure you wear a sweater and a coat to keep warm because the temperatures will begin to drop in the early afternoon with possible snow flurries. He expects to see about a one to two inch accumulation by morning. It looks like we are going to have a white Christmas this year folks.

“And now back to your favorite Christmas music. Let’s start this hour off with ’White Christmas’ by Bing Crosby”

The lump in the bed begins to move as Stanley finally hears the clock radio announce his to time to get ready for work. He stretches out his right arm and in the process of hitting the snooze button he knocks the clock off the nightstand and this makes the volume increase to the ear-shattering limit. He’s awake and there is no chance that he’ll get that extra nine minutes of sleep. He probably wouldn’t be able to get back into his dream anyways...I guess those cheerleaders will have to wait for another night.

After a shower and his morning cup of hot chocolate he is ready to don his brown delivery outfit. He walks over to his dresser and he picks up his very expensive Casio watch and slips that on his wrist. He looks in the mirror; he thinks he is quite debonair in his brown short sleeve shirt and gold embroidered hat, and he smiles and blows himself a kiss. He grabs his car keys and walks through his apartment and out to his car.

Standing at the curb he fishes into his brown slacks for his cubic zirconium studded key chain. He finds them at the bottom and pulls them out and places them in the keyhole of his car door. It is a 1996 Ford Explorer, brilliant blue in color, with four doors and a luggage rack. He drives the six point 7 miles to his place of employment where he is greeted by the female receptionist named Sheri.

“Hello Stanley. Aren’t we looking debonair today?”

Sheri has more than just the receptionist to driver liking for Stanley. She has often been caught daydreaming about the delivery boy. She wants a special delivery from Stanley.

Stanley flashes her a smile and cordially replies, “Well you know.” Which makes Sheri chuckle and she gives Stanley a nice toothy smile. Stanley has a liking for Sheri also but he will never admit it to anyone. After six months of working here he is finally beginning to think that he has a chance with a beauty like Sheri. That is another story altogether.

“Stanley, we have a rather busy delivery schedule for you today. Don’t worry about being at these places by ten O’clock but don’t lolli-gag either.”

“Ok boss. Can I have the list?”

“Uhmm, one more thing. STOP parking your Explorer in my PARKING SPOT or I’m going to start docking your pay.”

“Alrighty then”

Stanley’s boss was right there was a great deal of packages to deliver. Most of them were of the average size weighing only a couple of pounds at the most. One was a huge box which Stanley thought might have contained several little packages. He shook the box, like he always does. He thought that he was responsible for the damage if it was delivered broken so if it rattled before he delivered it he made a mental note of it. Well anyways he was supposed to be delivering these packages, not guessing what was inside.

He was making good time, or so he was assuming. It was eleven thirty and he has already delivered twenty-four items to the rightful people. Half hour more and he could stop for lunch. He was thinking about delivering and eating and not about the pratfalls of being a delivery person. It was almost like he was asking for trouble, even if he wasn’t, today it was going to find him...

He found himself on Long Hollow Road. This road was a long dead end road with a history of people going down it but never returning; including delivery personnel. His big brown panel van was cruising right along as Stanley was looking for box numbers on the mailboxes. After all he didn’t want to drive to fast as to where he missed his delivery.

In a minutes time he found his house. He thought nothing of the fact that this was the only house that was not decorated for the Christmas season. There was no wreath on the door, no candy cane lights, no light-up Santa, no nothing. It didn’t matter to him, he still had a package to deliver even if he was delivering it to the Scrooge. He knocked on the door and said his special greeting “A special and speedy delivery for you”

Stanley waited and waited. He knocked again and he waited. Five minutes has gone by and still nothing. He started to fill out his tag for the door, the yellow tag that says you must call this place to set up a time to have your package delivered. As he was looking in his shirt pocket for his silver plated Penalli pen he was hit over the head. This is all Stanley will ever feel again.

* * * * * * *

It is Christmas morning on Long Hollow Road, just like it is all over the world.

“Here you are son. This one is from dear old dad. I hope you like it.”

He hands the shiny red papered covered shoebox sized box over to the eagerly awaiting boy. The boy spends less time ripping the paper off the package then dear old dad took in handing it to him.

“Wow, a Penalli Pen and a Casio watch. Dad, when can I eat the hand?”

“Son, I think you should wait until after dinner. Mom is making her favorite Torso Roast with hairless head for dessert. I can’t wait to sink my teeth into those baked eyeballs either.”

THE END