The comedy sketch

*Forcemaster steps us infront of a spotlighted brick wall with a microphone in his hand*

Okay... i was helping my dad in the garden the other day and he'd bought a new chainsaw. Lugging this thing in it's box through the house when i noticed a warning label on it that said "Warning, accidents with chainsaws are rarely trivial"... It makes you wonder doesnt it?

It gets worse though. Opening it up, what do i find but another sticker on the chainsaw itself, saying "Please do not attempt to stop moving parts with hands or genitalia...." Now i knew about the hands part.. but im glad they told me about the other... it prevents some nasty surprises!

Mind you, talking of warnings on tools, have you ever seen those blowtorches? You know... the ones for stripping wallpaper. They're cool aren't they?
Ever turned one all the way up to full? You get like a three inch flame out the end. But, plastered on the box... you guessed it, a warning! "Please do not use as a hairdryer." As a hairdryer? Did they get some guy write in to complain about this? "Dear sir/madam... bought your product... imagine my horror when..."

Tools arent the only thing that have warnings are they? I saw one on a baby chair the other week. It said "Please remove baby before folding." What? Exactly! Now, it may just be me, but, if the parent cant remember to remove the child from the highchair before putting it away, i think thet kid might not be theirs.. after all, it takes a certain intelligence to get that far!

You get warnings on on trucks and stuff too dont you? You know what i dont get about trucks? Those sights that say "Hows my driving?" I say that if you dont know... get out the truck...!

How about the 'baby on baord' signs? I dont get them either. Youre driving along and see one and think... "oh, im glad you told me because i was about to deliberatley ram your car right in the trunk at 30 mph!"

But some things that need warnings dont have them do they? Like old people driving? They could have a variation of the one for truck drivers... "Hows my breathing?".. or maybe just a general sign that says "Warning, turn signals bear no resemblence to intended direction!"

Thank you... youve been a wonderful audience!