Teaching MY Dog to Drive

I was reading the paper. My dog brought
his leash to me.
Same old thing.
"Skippy," I said, "I'm going to teach you to
drive."
Skippy cocked his head.
I'd bought doggy extensions for the gas
and brake pedals from Petsmart and installed
them myself.
As we went out side, Skippy wagged his
tail. I'd left the leash behind. This was a new
adventure.
The dog sat straight in the car. His paws
were on the steering wheel.
"I'm sure you've watched me do this lots
of times," I said. "So...."
Using his teeth, the dog put the key in the
ignition and started the car.
Slowly, Skippy backed out. I rolled down
the window and waved to the neighbors.
"Teaching the dog to drive," I told them.
Skippy kept his eyes on the road. He used
his turn signals. He went a bit slow, and his
stops were a bit jerky, but didn't do so bad for
his first time behind the wheel.
Then Skippy saw a cat. He barked, which
was okay, then tried to run over the cat, which
wasn't.
Skippy chased the cat through an alley.
He knocked over garbage cans, smacked a
telephone pole, backed up, and kept driving.
"Stop," I yelled.
Out of the alley, the dog drove up on
lawns. He saw other cats. We went up on
sidewalks. I tried to grab the wheel, but
Skippy snarled. He almost bit me. The crazy
mutt.
He didn't realize the seriousness of the
situation until we heard a siren and saw a red
light in the rear view mirror. Skippy stopped
and howled. He put his head on the steering
wheel.
The officer came over to us. "Teaching the
dog to drive, huh?" he said. "Where's the
canine's learner's permit?"
"Uh...uh," I said.
The officer put his head in the car,
probably to say a few choice words to Skippy.
Skippy licked his face.
"Ahhh," the officer said. His voice had
softened. "Okay, okay. I'm going to let you off
wth a warning, but next time, well, you'd better
watch your p's and q's."
The driving lesson ended. I drove home
with a bent fender and frayed nerves.
I guess some dogs should never get
behind the wheel. Skippy is smart, but driving
is not for him.
There are other things I can teach him.
Tomorrow we're going to the library where I'll
check out a bunch of children's books for
starters. By the end of the year, Skippy will be
reading War and Peace.
#