Who Are You

The Great Writers Tournament

This is the winning entry in the second round of the First Great Writers Tournament.

Instructions:

You are a very famous person walking down the street. A young man comes up to you, and halts you with a shocked expression and a pointing finger. He jabbers something unintelligibly. Finally, he takes a deep breath and says, "I know who you are, I just can't think of your name. Without telling me your name, decribe who you are."


Entry:

Who Are You?

I was walking down the street in lower Manhattan, thinking about different topics for a new project, when this guy stopped right in front of me. He looked at me with a funny expression that was beginning to freak me out, because suddenly I had visions of John and Yoko and that guy who killed him. I was ready to call a cop when my guy said, “I know you! I know you, but what’s your name? No, don’t tell me your name; tell me about yourself. I want to see if I can remember your name, cause I know you and you’re famous.”

“You mean you don’t remember my name?” I said somewhat hurt by the realization. “I mean, I’ve done a lot of things, movies, books, television, and more. I’ve been in the public eye forty years, maybe more. Are you sure you can’t think of my name. It’s kind of depressing for me that you don’t seem to know my name, which, by the way, is Konigsberg.”

“No, that’s not it. It’s something else,” he asserted laughingly.

“Well, since you know me so well, you should know,” I returned with a grin.

“Tell me some things about you. I know I can figure it out,” he requested, ignoring my jab.

“Well, as you can see, I’m not a big man, but a rather small Jewish-type. I have this geeky looking 60’s hairstyle, but sometimes I cut it off, and I was born in New York to rather small Jewish-type parents. Let’s see, I guess it was about 1935 when I was born. I’m a little unsure about that since I was quite small at the time and didn’t pay attention to what was happening. My mother told me these things, because she was there and did pay attention to what was happening. She remembers a lot of the events quite vividly. My father, on the other hand, was not there. I think he was out working. The only advice he ever gave me was when confronted with the choice between fame and fortune, he said, “Take the money and run.” What else should I tell you about myself?”

“I don’t know, just give me some time and I’ll figure it out. What have you done?” he asked.

“Well, I haven’t done any time in prison yet, although I have been taken to court a couple of times. One was quite harrowing. At the time, I wondered if my lawyer knew what he was doing, because I didn’t relish the thought of sitting in a jail for twenty years. The accusations were so serious, and ludicrous I might add, that I was seeing my therapist almost every day. Before it was over, I thought I would go bananas.”

“Oh man, you’re a real sleeper,” he said, “I’m having a hard time coming up with your name, but I do remember some things about you now. With those black horned rimmed glasses, I should know your name. You are a writer or an actor.”

“Yeah,” I said trying to be difficult with this guy who was wasting my time for his own personal amusement.

“Yeah, which?” he asked.

“Yeah, both among other things.” I said still trying to be difficult. “I’m what’s known as ‘multi-talented.’ I do several things quite well or so some people including critics think, but I shouldn’t judge that myself.”

“Were you married to Mia Farrow?” he asked.

“Mia? Oh no. We did some movies together, but I was never married to her. Everybody else was, but not me,” I said sarcastically. "We are sort of related, too."

“Who are you married to now?” he asked point blank.

“Soon.” I replied.

“How soon?” he asked.

“How soon what?” I asked, a little confused by his question.

“How soon are you going to tell me?” he asked.

“How soon am I going to tell…Oh,” I said with a sudden burst of realization. “No, no, you misunderstand. My wife is named Soon.”

“Soon?” he said, still puzzled.

“Soon Yi.” I corrected.

“Oh, I know who you are,” he said with confidence.

(Word Count – 687)