JOE AND FRANK(#1)

This script probably has nothing to do with [insert 2nd genre here].

Ok people...you guys dont seem to be getting the message about these scripts. The goal of these scripts was not to make an incredible meaningful story. The goal was to make a script about something so stupid that it's funny without really doing much work or any real thinking at all. We made this up in about 20 minutes and it isn't supposed to be that great so don't think of it that way.



warning....................................
strong language is contained in this script. the same is true for the sequel (link at the bottom).



NOTE: the serving size for fig newtons is 2(yes only 2) newtons

CHARACTERS

dont even attempt to get into these characters...that was never the intention. all of them are open to interpretation by anyone. this was written for one purpose--we didnt feel like making it a story...it was too boring as a story.

FRANK

HOT NURSE

JOE

DOCTOR

PARAMEDIC

NARRATOR

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PROPS

box of fig newtons
"neon signs" one saying "EAT AT JOE'S" one saying "EAT JOE"
ambulance
wheelchair
anything else you think you need after reading this
________________________________

ACT I- THE HOME

[SETTING: JOE's house: outside is a blinking neon sign that says "EAT AT JOE'S". inside JOE is sitting at a table playing Russian roulette with himself. FRANK bursts into the door.]

FRANK: (gasping) HOLY...SHIT JOE!
JOE: (puts down gun; sighs sadly) What is it Frank... did you 'lose' my camcorder again?
FRANK: (gargles and falls on the floor into fetal position)
JOE: Quit being so dramatic.
FRANK: (gag...dry heave) Too....many.....Newtons
JOE: (jumps on to table) GOOD LORD MAN! HOW MANY DID YOU EAT!
FRANK: (gasp)Th-thr-three...(gargle)
JOE: (jumps down, bangs fist on table) WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!? THAT'S OVER THE SERVING
SIZE!
FRANK: I'm sorry man.. I just had too many drinks...(cough cough gasp)
JOE: (Grabs phone) I'm gonna dial 911.

[JOE dials 911, but instead of 9, he presses 4... JOE laughs.]

FRANK: (straining) What's so funny?
JOE: (suddenly stops laughing and dials again) Nothin'

[They wait for a few minutes while FRANK is on the floor almost (yes almost) barfing and has lost all color in his face. Ambulance comes and runs over neon sign. JOE calmly files his nails and whistles 'Dixie' the whole time. Enter PARAMEDIC.]

PARAMEDIC: What happened here?
JOE: (calmly)He OD'D on Newtons.
PARAMEDIC: OH MY GOD MAN... He's going to the ER STAT!
JOE: (calmly to frank) ....See ya man.(to himself) stat?...whats that mean anyway?
FRANK: Tell my wife that..I.....I love her.
JOE: Whatever man.. we all know its not true, but OK. Get a good nurse while you're there, I need some tail.

ACT II- HOSPITAL

DOCTOR: How many'd you have man?
FRANK: 1.5 servings.
DOCTOR: HOLY SHIT!
FRANK: I know!

[HOT NURSE with stomach pump comes in.]

FRANK: (like Joey on friends)How YOU doin'?
DOCTOR: OK frank I'd like for you to count backwards from 100.
FRANK: 100?
DOCTOR: [applies mask to FRANK's face] yes 100.
FRANK: OK...100....uhh...(whispers to HOT NURSE) what's next?
HOT NURSE: ....4?
FRANK: Wow! She's smart to--[snooooore]
[meanwhile the DOCTOR and the HOT NURSE pump Newton. 30 seconds later FRANK wakes up.]

DOCTOR: That was a close one... any later and youd've been gone...just imagine if you'd made it past 4 to eleventy-twelve.
FRANK: Thanks man.
HOT NURSE: (sexily) Hey frank... you wanna see the rest of the hospital?
FRANK: HELL YEAH WHERE'S THE WHEEL CHAIR?

[HOT NURSE wheels FRANK away]
(in the background)
HOT NURSE: (still sexily) You can see a lot more than just the hospital on this ride...
FRANK: YEAH I WAS HOPING FOR THAT! I got an idea for it though...you ever see "The Little Mermaid"? Well...I just happen to think that Ariel is BANGIN'!
[FRANK and HOT NURSE turn a corner]
JOE: ....So that's why he has that seashell bra in his car.

ACT III- HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM

[JOE is in the waiting room pacing, smoking, and downing Southern Comfort like there's no tomorrow. DOCTOR comes in.]

JOE: Frank...how is he?
DOCTOR: He'll live. You just keep him away from those... I dont want him to have another Newton for a month.
JOE: Gotcha... Why'd he eat so many of those disgusting little things?
DOCTOR: Well they have addictive agents similar to those in heroine. You kids should stay away from those.

JOE: I'm 43.
[pause....doctor looks at camera 1 like it's 2 huge tits...camera 2 looks at camera 1--it IS 2 huge tits]

ACT IV- BACK TO JOE'S

[Cut to JOE's house. outside neon sign tilted and still blinking reads "EAT JOE". inside JOE and FRANK walk in.]

[A box of Fig Newtons is sitting on the table next to the gun. They look at each other then back at the box...then back at each other and back at the box...they repeat that about 10 more times then bolt for the box and slam together.]

[Blood splatters on screen printing "THE END?"]

NARRATOR: "THE END....QUESTION MARK"

________________________________

writers: neurohr and lee
original working title: "JOE AND FRANK #1: A Tale of Homoeroticism"
edited by: lee
re-edited and revisions by: neurohr
creative consultant to lee: neurohr
creative consultant to neurohr: lee
publisher: STORIES.COM / WRITING.COM

_________________________________

this script was written by my friend and i...thats the only reason that its capitalized and such up there. he started writing it when he saw the serving size on a box of newtons and i continued it with him tlaking back and forth online. thanks again for wasting your time and if you decide to act this out please tell me cause id like to know and as always comments are greatly appreciated.


so chances are you still dont understand that this script isnt supposed to be awesome or made into a movie or anything. its more like a stupid story to tell your friends over a beer or fast food lunch. if you still dont get it then youre an absolutely massive prick and i pity you.


like JOE AND FRANK? THE SOTRY CONTINUES! check it out. trust me you have enough time

"JOE AND FRANK(#2)" 

make it easy for me...if you have a review for both or either of these and you read #2 just put it all in one for #2