Hell's Kitchen's Paradise

(Disclaimer: The ritual performed in this story has no basis in fact. There is no intention to offend Native American's with this flight of imagination and use of a fictional spiritual ritual.)

         It didn't seem to matter where we went, the yellow hazed heat sucked the breath from our lungs. But, I convinced myself it didn't matter. I promised myself I would not fall into the incessant whining that had become my habit lately.

         "You are quiet today." Joyce's direct observation irritated me. Refusing to respond, I watched her as she replaced the lid on her canteen and let it drop to her side.

         Then my quick temper subsided and I looked at her, squinting through the heat rising from the desert floor. "Not much to say that hasn't already been said, I guess." I tried to smile, but I doubt it worked out to be more than a grimace.

         Hazily, I think I saw Joyce nod her head in agreement. Then we were walking again. I followed her trying not to think about the sweat trickling from under my breasts and soaking the shirt tucked into my cotton khakis. Her shirt was just as sweat stained as mine. Absently, I wondered if the salt line would really wash out when we got back to civilization and a Laundromat.

         "We will be there in another hour, I think. Then we will be able to rest and enjoy a cool dip. You will love it I promise."

         I just grunted, hearing this promise for the umpteenth time since leaving the air conditioning of the lodge. Well, that's what the locals called it anyway, Gila (Hee-lah) Lodge, or some such. I had lost my appreciation of the red buttes and the barrel cactus some hours ago. The adventure was turning into work and I bit my lip to hold back the sharp complaint trying to escape.

         Lord, it was hot, and it wasn't even past noon yet.

         Then as promised forty-five minutes before, we stood on a bluff overlooking a deep narrow canyon. As I looked over the side, I could feel a slight temperature difference and felt myself shiver. Joyce looked at me and smiled as she found a steep and narrow path leading down the side of the canyon.

         Before following, I looked around at the desert floor. There was nothing to resemble civilization for as far as the eye could see. Everything was tinged dusty yellow from the heat of the day.

         Shaking my head, I grudgingly followed Joyce. There was no immediate relief from the day's heat, though the temperature did drop a couple degrees. We made our way along the steep path for maybe another thirty minutes with the sun still beating down upon us when the miracle happened. We turned with the path and were plunged into shade. The contrast was so sudden I had to stop and close my eyes for several seconds to get them to adjust enough to see where I was placing my feet on the narrow trail. Also, the temperature must have dropped a full ten degrees at that point.

         "We are almost there."

         I lifted my canteen and slowly loosened the cap, then I wiped the opening with my sleeve before lifting it to drink. The water was tepid and tasted strongly metallic and musty, but I forced myself to drink. As my dizziness subsided and my sight adjusted to the shadow, I screwed the lid back onto the canteen and dropped it to my side. Joyce watched and waited until I was ready, then without another word she turned and lead the way downward, deeper into the shadow of the canyon.

         From above I heard a shrill bird cry and I looked up. The sky was so bright my eyes watered and squinted against the assault of the blue, but before looking away I saw the Golden Eagle circling above, gliding on the thermals rising from the desert floor.

         As I looked back to the path, I caught Joyce grinning from ear to ear before she turned to lead the way. I chuckled lightly and followed, my mood had lightened tremendously after seeing the eagle. It was a good omen.

         Then, I realized we approached a roaring cascade. The sound of it grew from a faint hiss into an echoing roar. I knew we were getting closer to the falls Joyce had been bragging about for nearly three years. She wanted to bring me here ever since I've known her and this was our first opportunity. This was our first vacation together. I felt my stomach tighten in growing anticipation. What if there were people here? Would the experience still be as, well as...?

         I felt my face flush and hoped Joyce wouldn't turn around and see.

         I found myself concentrating on my footing and trying to take my mind off the musings Joyce and I shared during the quiet moments back at the apartment these past few months. She shared the fantasy she wanted to happen when she brought me to this place. As the reality of it started to sink in, I found myself growing nervous and very self conscious. Yet, fantasy was my word. Joyce called it the ritual returning; the rebirth. I had never wished to experience any kind of ritualistic mumbo jumbo in my life. But, I never felt for anyone like I felt about my life with Joyce. She wanted to share this cultural ceremony and with each step I took, this sharing became a closer reality. I felt myself tensing and forced myself not to close off. I trusted Joyce, she would never do anything to bring harm.

         Joyce turned and I looked up. "We are here." The triumph of her voice gripped me as I looked around. Joyce removed her rucksack and set it gently on the sandy bank of the pooled river. Absently, I did the same thing, setting my daypack next to hers.

         "It is beautiful. I never imagined..." My voice trailed off as I soaked in the scene before me. The canyon fell in shadow and the river was wide and lazy with a sandy beach on the side where we stood. Across from us the river flowed against the base of a sheer cliff. The canyon walls seemed to gradually slope inward all but closing the top. But what captured my gaze were the falls, they were gorgeous. The echoing thrumming of them and the higher pitched splash reverberated and filled the canyon with it's incessant song. A fine mist wafted down from the six tiered heights and filled the canyon with a cool dampness. The contrast from the bone dryness of the Hell's Kitchen Flats and the bottom of this canyon was unbelievable. Above us, life hid from the heat. Here, we were surrounded by damp greenery and everywhere small birds flitted from bush to tree to cliff wall and back to bush.

         As I looked around in silent awe, I realized as luck would have it, there was not another soul around. My amazement stunned me.

         Then I felt Joyce turn. The next thing I knew I was enveloped in her arms participating in a deep passionate kiss. Our tongues sparred playfully while my heart raced. I felt myself melt into her embrace as I was engulfed in eternal bliss. I moaned as she pulled away and I followed her retreat not wishing to stop.

         I opened my eyes slowly. Her dark eyes laughing into mine. I breathed in the salt musk of her sweat. She smelled of sweetgrass smoke and I knew I did too from the dawn ceremony we shared. My head spun as she stepped away and I watched entranced as she unbuttoned her shirt. Mechanically, I felt my fingers stumble over the buttons of my own shirt, but Joyce laid a hand on mine and gently shook her head. I stopped. I watched as she slid her shirt from her coppery shoulders dropping it on her rucksack. Her rounded breasts, exposed to the canyon coolness, perked and nipped tightly.

         I gasped then as she stepped into me. Again we kissed. She expertly unbuttoned my shirt with one hand holding me close with her other arm. I've always been amazed at her strength and frightened by it at the same time. But, that just seemed to add to the excitement. As she slowly slipped the shirt over my shoulders and down my arms, she softly nibbled the base of my neck where it met my shoulder. I felt my head rock back as I fell into the dizzying sensation of her sensuous touch in anticipation of where her mouth would caress next. Then I tensed as she firmly gripped my shirt binding my arms to my side with it. No matter my preparation, I did not expect the intense sensation as her mouth engulfed the hard nipple of my breast.

         Again I gasped, I could not contain the surprise nor my pleasure at this new aggressive tactic. At first, I felt myself try to step away, but soon fell into the intensity of Joyce's hot wet mouth. I moaned through the tightness of my throat as I felt the tug of my vulva being pulled through the suction and tongue play over areola and nipple. The sensation dizzied me and I wondered if the whole mystique of the day had anything to do with my heightened sensitivity. But soon, all distracted thought disappeared, engulfed by physical need.

         The world spun when she stopped. She looked down at me in triumph. I don't remember how, but we were on our knees.

         "You like?" Her voice was low and strained. I still could not move my hands because the shirt bound my arms to my side. I couldn't bring a coherent sound past the tightness of my throat, so I simply nodded and tried to voice an, "Um Hmm." But it came out more as a deep groan.

         "Are you sure?"

         Her tease tantalized. I tried to reach her with my lips but she pulled away and shook her head. "No, not yet. I'm not finished."

         Gently, I felt myself pushed back. Reflexively, my back arched, the back of my head touched the sandy beach just as her wet hot mouth closed on the other, before then, ignored breast.

         I never thought it possible that my back could arch and maintain such intensity. I felt myself buck before she let go. I heard a cry of pleasure echo from the canyon walls as her tongue slid from my tit over my taut belly and buried into my exposed naval. I vaguely realized it was my voice joining the water song filling the canyon. I was crying. It felt too intense. I didn't want it to stop but I couldn't handle any more. I realized I was pleading for her to hold me. Her arms encircled me and my arms were free to hold onto her. I shuddered and buried my tearful face into her shoulder. I let myself fall into my tears of... joy. That was what I felt, pure unadulterated joy.

         She held me for a long time. I floated, no longer crying and she crooned a song in my hair. I didn't understand the words. The song was a chant in the style of her people. I felt as if I were caught in a dream and I was afraid I was going to wake up.

         "How do you feel?" The words were spoken quietly dripping with love.

         Sleepily, I whispered a single word, "Loved."

         "I love you to the depths of my spirit." Joyce's finger lightly toyed with the hair that fell over my brow.

         I snuggled into Joyce's embrace laying half naked on the sandy floor of the canyon. "I know. I could tell."

         "Are you ready to go for a swim?"

         I pulled back enough to look at the woman who had captured my heart from the first instant she had turned the flash of her smile toward me, just over three years ago. "Yes, I think I am ready to get... to go for a swim."

         Again, I felt myself blush as I stumbled and changed my wording. Joyce laughed and stood taunting.

         "Yes, you are already wet and you haven't even been in the water. But, I will restrain myself and not taste you, yet. We will give you some rest and time to anticipate." She smiled knowingly with a hint of reflection as she visualized other intimate moments of passion we have shared.

         I laughed as I stood. She was so free with the randy comments and I was still shy with such expressions.

         "You are cute when you blush."

         At her words I felt myself heat up more and looked down to see the crimson heat cover the top of the whiteness of my breasts moving upwards. I smiled and said nothing. I couldn't talk when I got this way and what was there to say, anyway.

         Joyce turned with her impish bedroom smile then walked toward the pool nearest the falls. As she got to the water's edge, she sat and started removing her boots and pants.

         I fumbled with the the button and zipper of my khakis where she had left me standing. Before hooking my thumbs inside the top of my pants and slipping them inside the elastic around my panties, I looked around to make sure we were still alone. Seeing no one on the canyon trails or on the canyon floor, I pushed down on jeans and underwear and cursed.

         Quickly, I pulled everything back on and sat in the sand to untie my hiking boots and remove them.

         Once boots and socks were off then I again removed the jeans and underwear in one easy movement.

         I looked around again suddenly feeing the anxiety of exposure, but the only person I could see looking at me was Joyce with her flash of a smile. She had stopped and waited for me at the edge of the pool.

         She stood in a partial shadow yet her form was dazzeling. She stood a slender five-foot-nine with the dark tones of the Native American. Her skin literally glistened. Her short hair was black, thick, and soft.

         I walked as in a trance toward her beauty. I likened her to the nymphs of fairy tales and in a corner of my mind I wondered why she had picked me?

         Her hand reached out to take mine. I wanted to kiss her but as soon as my hand slipped into her firm grip we were running to the pool. She ran pulling me along the rocky sandy bank. I started to protest just when the initial knee deep water became a deeper pool. All of a sudden my next step plunged me into icy coldness. I kicked and pushed against the fluid resistance of the water to bring myself back to the surface of the pool.

         Joyce smiled broadly as I surfaced, sputtering, choking, and thrashing. I think she laughed but I could not hear it over the roar of the water cascading from the falls.

         As I tread water, regaining my ability to breathe, Joyce turned and swam with elegant strong strokes toward the opposite bank of the canyon.

         I am not a strong swimmer and have not learned how to coordinate a true swimmer's stroke and breathing. I slowly followed my glistening brown river sprite in a make shift combination of a side stroke and dog paddle, always keeping my face above the water. Joyce watched my approach patiently then helped me onto the narrow ledge of the opposite canyon wall. I trembled from the physical effort of the swim. Surprised by the exhaustion that flooded over me as I didn't think it had been that far of a swim even for me, I gratefully leaned into Joyce's offered support. Joyce enfolded me within the circle of her loving arms until my labored breathing soothed and some of my strength returned.

         We said nothing as we stood embraced next to the thunder of the falls. For what seemed an eternity, I felt my lover's soft breath caress my wet hair. A peaceful joy flooded over my whole being. I wondered if this woman, who held me so protectively, felt for me the same intensity of the love I felt for her? I dearly prayed that she too felt the depths of emotion that was washing over me. What a gift that would be, such a gift I longed for her to have, if only I could grant such a thing.

         I felt a deep sigh of contentment escape me as this last thought crystalized in my brain. This seemed to be the cue Joyce waited for.

         "Let me show you the secrets behind the falls. Can you walk?"

         Joyce's whisper was barely heard, yet the words rang clearly in my understanding. It was like a ritual we had practiced, yet I knew we had never said such ever in the years we have shared. I looked into her dancing eyes. She was excited, feeling the highs of her own joy. Feeling dazed, I nodded in affirmation. I wasn't sure if I believed I could really walk, however. Suddenly my legs felt disconnected from my body. But, my nod was rewarded with that glistening flash of a smile and I felt her take my hand in hers and pull me gently forward.

         At first, my feet felt planted in one spot, but then I was able to command my legs to lift and take those shaky awkward steps. I followed the understanding, encouraging, smile of the one I loved. I didn't understand the image echo or the thickness of my senses that seemed to wash over me. The world had turned surreal. I think I questioned my awareness that something was strange, but I wasn't afraid. Instead, I felt a soul deep serenity which overwhelmed any fear trying to creep into my awareness.

         "I feel funny, weird, numb." My lips were a mile thick and my words were slurred to my ears.

         "Shhhh, my love. I know. It is your first time and this place will have that effect. Are you afraid? If you are afraid we will turn and go back across the river."

         "No, I not scared. I..."

         My voice trailed. I couldn't coordinate my mouth to form the words I was clearly thinking. It was true, I was not afraid. I had this feeling all these sensations I had experienced before in my life yet, I could not recall any memory associated with these physical sensations. I was not afraid. I trusted Joyce not to place me in harm's way. Gently, Jo tugged on my hand and slowly I followed her.

         "You need to get as close to the rock wall as possible and the water won't beat you down so badly."

         I felt myself imitate her example, then a constant fluid weight pounded upon my head and shoulders pushing me down to my knees. I tried to keep my legs under me but I was not strong enough. The momentum and quantity of the water falling over me was just too much. Soon I was flattened face down with the pounding weight pushing me into hard boulders driving the breath from my lungs. Vaguely, I felt myself being dragged through a torrent of the the falls before everything swirled black.

...
...

         I do not know how long I was unconscious. Joyce would never tell me. All she would say was the returning is different for everyone who choose to risk it. She told me the Mother carried me to safety and all that I needed to know was that I was accepted behind the Falls of Souls.

...
...

         I woke cradled in Joyce's lap. I felt a physical muscle ache all over my body similar to the second day after over exertion in unfamiliar exercise. She was chanting one of her people's ritual chants. At first it was soothing and welcome. I could feel the radiant heat of a fire not very far away. I stirred. Jo looked down at me and smiled proudly. Softly she told me, "You passed the test. We can be joined and no one can ever separate us for eternity."

         My mind was crystal clear. My body was in my control again and not disconnected from me like it had been earlier. Suddenly, I realized that we were surrounded by silence, except for the crackling of the fire. We were surrounded by thick darkness except for that fire.

         Frantically, I sat up and looked around. "Where are we? How'd we get here?" Then I looked angrily at Joyce and stood moving quickly to the other side of the fire. In a voice full of venemous accusation I asked Jo, "Did you drug me with one of your herbs or Native American concoctions?"

         My eyes and voice reflected the near panic I was feeling. Jo only smiled at me and said nothing. I took a deep and shaky breath and forced myself to sit. I looked around the confines of the firelight. All I saw was impenetrable blackness beyond the boundaries of the fire. As time passed and the crackling of the fire played a soothing almost rhythmic song between us, I felt the intensity of my fear ebb from me. Suddenly, I laughed. It sounded very loud to my ears. I watched as Joyce nodded. She was still smiling and seemed to be waiting patiently. What was she waiting for? Was I suppose to do something? Then she spoke softly and with an accent I have only heard in our most intimate moments.

         "I know you fear the darkness so I built a fire. It is allowed to change the environment for the first time a return to the Mother is initiated. But next time, you will embrace the womb without fear."

         "Where are we, Jo?" The panic had left my voice but it still sounded small.

         "We are behind the falls. We are in the Great Mother's Womb. We have made the ritual returning and will soon begin our spirit quest. Here we shall again touch our beginnings and come to better understand ourselves as women and our place in the world."

         As Joyce spoke, some understanding penetrated through the unreal quality of the situation. Jo would never explain the rituals of her beliefs. She said they were not explainable and could only be experienced to be understood because everyone experienced differently. I had agreed to this experience. I had looked forward to it with anticipation, so why was I now so afraid?

         "What must I do?" My voice was stronger and calm.

         Joyce's smile broadened and softened.

         "Let the emotion and the need that drives you dictate your actions. We are children of the Mother and this sanctuary is where we are cleansed and enlightened.

         My confusion grew into fear once again.

         "What if I do not know the emotion or the need that drives me?" I heard the fear of my question as it was absorbed by the darkness surrounding our island of firelight.

         "Remember the meditaion and relaxation exercises we have practiced? Go within and find your core. Then you will discover the answers to your questions. You hold the answers within and only you can free them."

         As I positioned myself for the meditation, Joyce lit a bundle of sweetgrass and sage in the flame of the fire then she handed it to me. I took it and as I waved the smoke from the sweetgrass and sage over me I closed my eyes and relaxed my mind and body. I cleared my mind of all thoughts and let my body float.

         After a while a sense of calm and peace settled over me. The hardness of the cave floor grew far away. All that mattered was that I reached the center of my being. I relaxed within myself even more and ghostly visions played at the edge of my mind's eye. The smoke of the fire took on a different smell but I knew it was right and I accepted it. Soon after, the flames quieted and I was engulfed by a darkness. I knew I was returned to the Mother.

         I felt the breath quiet within and outside of myself. I heard the beat of the heart that nourished me and there was a constant closeness that was intimate and comforting. Then the images flooded my reality and I journeyed in the vision walk.

...
...

         When I woke from the effects of the fire's smoke I was again embraced and cradled in Joyce's lap. I felt a peace I had never known in all my existance. I knew who I was for the first time in my life. But most importantly I knew the power and the love of God. Joyce called her own religious awakening the Mother, but my own upbringing and the images of my vision confirmed for me my faith in the love and mercy of the Lord our Father. Though the words describing our deities may be different, I knew they were all one. Only the words were different. And more importantly, I knew Joyce knew this also. She had shared with me a gift of her culture and now I better understood the depth of her love she must feel for me.

         I reached up with my hand and caressed her hair in the darkness. Gently, I pulled her down and found her lips with mine. We kissed lightly at first. My lips brushed against hers softly. She responded by brushing her lips over mine just as softly. Slowly, I lifted myself from her lap and turned so that I knelt before her. All the while I changed my position, we kissed lightly. I cupped her face between my hands and let my lips caress her chin, cheeks, her eyelids, the soft space between eyelid and brow, the tip of her nose, and next to her ear letting the breath of my nose tease with a soft touch all its own. Always my caressing lips returned back to her lips. My hands explored her soft skin as lightly as my lips caressed her face. I felt her trembling as she placed her hands under my elbows then we stood facing each other in the pitch blackness of Mother's Womb. I trembled with my need and I felt her tremble with each soft exploring touch. She did to me what I did to her and in this sharing of action we caressed those secret places we knew but still, this seemed all new. I had the sensation we were sharing a first time together.

         We took our time. We explored gently and with tantalizing thoroughness. She knew when I planned to plunge into her wetness and simultaneously we explored the realms of each others wet vaginal muscular boundaries. Our breathing grew heavier and kept a cadence so that only one sound was heard. Then the urgency took over. The explorations took on a more demanding purpose. She matched my intensity and the rhythm of our breathing broke. The excitement, the mounting tension built itself to a crescendo of gasps and moans and our bodies melded into each other's caresses, deep plunges, and kisses.

         I felt her teeth rake over my hardened nipples and her fingers inside me plunged and spread filling me with a pleasure near release. My back arched for a moment as I went with the sensation, then I recovered and took her hardened nipple between my teeth and gently teased it. Soon, I was sucking hard on her breast. I plunged deep inside her wet cradle. She bucked, a groan escaped from deep in her throat. Gently, I pulled her down to lay on the floor. As I stroked inside of her I let my tongue lick warmly over the salty sweetness of her exposed clit. The groan changed to a scream. Softly I licked, but my strokes inside applied more pressure against her tightening muscles. As I felt each spasm of her vaginal contraction, I felt my own internal tension build empathetically. She started bucking with each tongue caress and her cries took on a pleasurable sob. I turned and straddled my weight over her so I could ride her out. I continued to lick, but now I applied a more aggressive pressure hardening my tongue and licking rapidly. Somehow, she was able to concentrate enough to guide her fingers back inside of me now that I had shifted within her reach. I almost lost concentration of what I was doing to pleasure her, the surprised sensation of her plunge and stroke was so intense. Then she arched and I felt her try to pull herself away from my persistant tongue strokes. She plunged deeper inside me with an aggressive urgency I did not expect. I felt my own expanding warmth engulf me from head to toe, but I managed to stay with her. I softened my touches and stroked her to a quiet trembling before moving up to enfold her and be enfolded in a mutual embrace. I was trembling fom my own release and I could not determine who was sobbing, me or her, or both.

...
...

         I floated awake snuggled in the warmth of Joyce's embrace. I lay on my left side and I could not feel my arm from the shoulder down. Gently, I shifted and managed to sit up. Soon the circulation returned. The growing thick tingling became excruciating for an eternal sixty or more seconds. After the pain subsided I maneuvered so that Jo was cradled in my lap. I was in the middle of the second verse of the tune I was humming when my love stirred. I stroked her hair lightly and continued to hum. I know she was awake for several minutes before she interrupted my humming and hair stroking. It was something I had not often done. Usually, it was I who was cradled in her lap while she sang.

         "I love you."

         "I know."

         Jo nestled into my lap and indulged just a bit longer. Tears flowed, wetting my cheeks. I realized all the time we have been together we have shared a deep love people search an eternity to find. Then another realization struck me to my core.

         "We are married now, aren't we?"

         At this quiet statement, Joyce sat up next to me and took me in her arms.

         "We have consummated our love and our need for each other in the Womb. We are bound to each other now. I suppose you could say we are married. I think it is deeper than that."

         I felt myself nod in agreement. We had consummated our love before God and were not struck down for the blasphemy. Instead, I had the soul deep belief God sanctioned our love and blessed us. My love for God had grown stronger here this day.

         "Are you ready to head out?"

         As Joyce spoke about leaving I realized I was famished. We had fasted, partaking of nothing but water all the day before, through and including all the time after the early dawn ceremony.

         "Yes, I am ready to return to the outside again.

         "Okay, just a minute."

         I waited as Jo pulled away from me and listened as she slowly performed a blind search in the darkness of Mother's Womb. After circling the area about half way she gave a soft warning.

         "Cover your eyes. I am going to shine a light."

         Puzzled I closed my eyes and covered them with my hands. Jo clicked the switch on the drycell flashlight. It took a couple minutes for my eyes to adjust to the sudden brightness. As I became accustomed to the light, Jo showed me the boundaries of the culdasac we had been in. It was shaped just like a womb. Jo explained that it was shaped through volcanic forces. She explained that the entrance to the womb faced the rising sun signifying rebirth.

         We emerged from the tunnel behind the falls. I felt myself tensing with fear as I followed Jo along the wall edging under the onslaught of the pounding water. But, though it beat down uncomfortably, I was not so weak that it pounded me flat like it had upon entering. Once clear of the wall of water I asked about this phenomenon.

         "Jo why was I so weak and disoriented the first time we went into the falls?"

         My question trailed as I looked out over the river and the sky was painted with reds and grey-violets from the rising of the sun.

         "I am not sure why, exactly. I just know the first time it has that effect. Then everytime you visit the experience is less hampered, unless you fall from the acceptance of the Mother."

         Jo followed my gaze as she spoke the answer to my question. We embraced as the sun rose. High over head the scream of an Eagle made us look up. The bird flew on the thermals. We watched entranced as another Eagle joined the first one and shared a dance in the sky.

...
...

         Every year after that on our anniversary, Joyce and I returned to Mother's Womb to give ourselves and our love a confirmation of rebirth. We were together forty-four years counting those years before we first trekked across Hell's Kitchen. We visited Mother's Womb forty times. Not everytime did we feel the need to consummate our love, but always were our spirits restored in our perspective faiths.

         This year I return for the forty-first time but I walk alone. Joyce requested that I spread her ashes in Mother's Womb signifying her return home. I miss Jo very much, but I know we are joined for all eternity. Someday, my ashes will rest with hers and both of us will be rejoined in the Mother.

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