So You Left Me

Dear Heart,

So you left me.

I saw your post-it note on my pillow. "You have
neglected me," it said. "Goodbye. Love, Your
Heart."

My stomach grumbled. I thought it was
because it wanted breakfast, but I wasn't
taking it for granted, not after you, dear heart,
left. I listened carefully.

"I'm doing double duty," it said. "I'll assume the
heart's functions until it returns."

Dear heart, I searched for you on foot. I walked
all over town.

I rested on a bus bench. I saw a stranger who
had been accosting people leaving a video
store. "Excuse me, sir," he said. "I'm stuck
here without a dime. If you'd help me out with
a couple dollars, I could get back home."

"Your plight doesn't interest me," I said.

"You have no heart," the stranger said.

Last week the stranger had said, "God bless
you."

This week he spoke the truth.

I would have cried, but I had no heart. The idea
of no heart, however, upset me. My brain said,
"You are incomplete."

Dear heart, it was talking about you.

"Grumble, grumble," my stomach said.

"I wish you'd shut up," I said.

It didn't. If only I could have been listening to
you thumping merrily, my heart.

"What will it take to silence you?" I asked,
looking down at my stomach and drawing the
rude stare of woman who had joined me on
the bench.

"Food," my stomach answered.

I bought it two pepperoni pizzas, which I
gobbled without manners in front of people at
the pizza parlor. I washed them down with a
liter of Diet Pepsi. I'd spent more than I could
afford, but my stomach stopped grumbling.

But I still had to find you. I listened to my head.

"Go to Darla's house," it said.

Darla was my big love in high school. She
infatuated you, didn't she? my heart.

I found her listed in the phonebook. She still
had her maiden name.

Minutes later I stood in front of her apartment
door. I listened to her voice. "Eww," she said.
"A heart. How gross."

That was Darla. I was comforted. I knew you'd
grow tired of her. You'd return.

Back home, I napped. When I awoke, I felt you
thumping inside my chest.

Once again I was filled with love, love for you,
my friend. So I'm writing the strange tale of
your departure and sharing it with everyone.