Shedding interdependency

The phone rings
from two hundred miles the attack is made
the message is a warning that more incoming is just days away
Inside I feel rage
blame not mine to take is attacking me.

((29 October 1991))

No thoughts
behind my quiet emotion
It has been two days
Two days
when rage not mine assaulted.

At first
I felt sad confusion
then
I in turn felt angry
But
Today
I sit quiet
I wait

((31 October 1991))

Today
my feelings are confused
Today
I battle my inner storm
Today
I received the letter
the one I was warned about on the phone.

It is still someone elses pain
attacking me
It really is none of my concern
it is her responsibility
But
I feel myself responding
Being sucked into her rage blaming

((2 November 1991))

Many thoughts flow
behind calm emotion
It has been three days
Three days
since I was touched by her pain.

Gone is my anger
Gone my wrongful inner blaming
Gone my induced empathy
Gone is my self pity

I feel myself distancing
Retreating to a place she cannot touch me
Inducing my controlled self nurturing
Quietly I walk away
another door closing

Yes
I do know
There is an end
to the pain

I refuse to fall into her interdependency
by shedding my own like a snake outgrowing its confining skin.

She may touch me again with her rage
But no longer will I allow it to pull my strings.

((5 November 1991))

Originally compiled: 5 November 1991
revised, clarified:: 17 July 2001