Hotel COWlifornia!
by Hooves of Fire
On a damp cloudy pasture, swatting flies on my ass,
Warm smell of manure, wafting up through the grass
Up ahead in the barnyard, heard a distant cowbell,
Tail was tired from swatting flies, had to stop for a spell.
There she stood in the fenceline, almost swallowed my cud
And I was thinking to myself, 'Hay! I could be her stud!'
Then she flared up her nostrils, and her ears they flew back,
Saw ducks in the meadow, thought I heard them quack:
Welcome to the Hotel COWlifornia
Such a lovely place,
Such a lovely space, etc.
Her horns brightly polished, she’s got the ring in her nose,
She’s got lot of pretty pretty bulls, standing too close
How they prance in the moonlight, tickle and tease,
It’s a wonder they don’t catch, mad cow disease
So, I lowed for The Milkman, "please come get your cow," He said,
"Sorry, I’m writing, just can’t do it now"
And the dogs started barking, with a distant wail,
Wake me from this nightmare, you flies on my tail.
Welcome to the Hotel COWlifornia
Such a lovely place,
Such a lovely space, etc.
Blue lights in the rafters, cool water in the pail, she mooed,
"You’re a bull I could go for, I could make you wail!"
In The Milkman's chambers, preparing for the meal,
Presses the microwave’s buttons, not venting the seal
Last thing I remember, I was charging for the door,
I had to find my way back - to the bull that I was before
“Relax,” said The Milkman, “happens all the time.
Do just what I do, drink some milk,
Do "
The Writer's Cramp"
, then you’ll be fine.”
Welcome to the Hotel COWlifornia
Such a lovely place,
Such a lovely space, etc.
This was written for a contest which was hosted by
Chuckster 
in February of 2002 and it is my first song parody ever! Please visit my friends,
Chuckster ,
Bovine Bessie 
and
MOO for President 
who helped inspire or are featured in this song!
Content Rating Notice: Recommended for Readers 18 Years and Older Only
I love the Eagles and their music.