my heart broke

no one will ever truly know
the deep recession of my soul,
where my fears live and grow
like a vortex or black hole.

i, alone, go back in my mind
to when the vortex opened that day.
my heart broke and my soul almost died
because my babies were taken away

i felt, as i spiraled out of control,
that i would go totally insane.
my world was suddenly unlevel
and i was suffiocating in my pain.

i have found there is no rhyme or reason
to our trials and tribulations.
life keeps on turning with each season
leaving us alone to find our explanations.

we must continue to live and breathe
not letting our sorrow turn to madness.
find a hold on something we alone can conceive
or we may never return from the darkness.

i still hurt and sometimes i weep
but i have built a wall of protection.
Never again will i love so deep
that the loss would cause me dissolution.

a part of me was lost, died that day
a part that can never be brought back.
now i chase those that would love me away
before i hurt them with the love i lack.

BK

(October 31,2000~A day I will never forget)