Love Bites

Ever since I was young I've liked girls. I remember in my kindergarten class there was one girl, Rebecca, that I just thought was the cutest in the class. Most kids at that age don't think about that sort of thing, but for some reason I did. When it was time for afternoon snack or the nap time, I would try to get a place right next to her. All through the rest of elementary school I had crushes, different ones each year, and an occasional crush or two on a teacher.

Then, as a teenager, I hit puberty, and I began seeing girls in a different way. I'd see them in their tight shirts or baggy sweaters and wish that I was the one holding their hand or hanging out with them after school. But when you are thirteen and not one of the most popular guys around, it was hard as anything to find a girl that liked me.

It was the same case all throughout high school. I had my biggest crushes at this time. Being that I am a rather shy person, I never asked these girls out directly. Instead, I would place a note in their locker, or slip it inside her notebook when she was away from her desk. But I always received the same answer: no. Of course it was always in a different form, like an excuse not to go to a dance. Even joining different groups like the track team, the literary magazine staff, and drama didn't gain me any more acceptance. I didn't go to any of my proms in high school, and looking back, I wish I could have gone. But I know that it wasn't possible.

Even now things don't look good for me. I've tried things from personal ads to meeting online to talking to people at work or school, but it is as though something is preventing me from finding "that special person." Over and over I am told to keep trying and not to rush it, but I don't know how long I must wait just to find my first girlfriend. I mean, I don't want to be 40 before I go on my first date.

Whenever I do meet someone, things look good from the beginning. The girl is nice, attractive, fun to talk with and hang out with, but then, like I'm a test rat being tantalized with the smell of the cheese, it is taken away from me all of a sudden and I am left wondering why.

Sometimes I have to agree with Def Leppard when they sing: Love Bites.