Bathing Beautiful Bovine

Author Note: When reading this little story please realize that I have nothing against Girl Scouts. I love their cookies and the good they do for the lives of girls and the community.

Now please read.




It was a beautiful day for a walk. I got out of bed, took a shower and got dressed. I ate a quick breakfast of two pieces of toast and a bowl of Fruit Loops and as I was putting the dishes in the sink I heard a knock on my door. I was quite surprised to find a whole troop of Girl Scouts.

They were wearing their green uniforms, their green berets and their green sashes. Some of the girls had more merit badges then the others. Some had pony tails while others had long straight hair. It seemed like they all were carrying buckets with sponges and bottles of shampoo inside of them. I was even more startled when they opened their mouths and in unison they asked...

“Mister, we are the Girl Scouts of troop 109678 and we were wondering if we could wash your pet for you to get him or Her ready for the coming summer months. We Girl Scouts think that every animal should be clean and free from fleas and other little critters that I bath could rid them of.”

As you can see I had a group of talkative Girl Scouts on my front porch. Not only were they talkative but they were set in their ways. I couldn’t tell them that I didn’t have an ordinary pet. I told them the only animal I had around my house was the very lovely Bovine Bessie.

Once again and in unison they said, “We’ll wash her for free. We always wanted to meet a writing ruminant!”

So there you have it, the basis for my story. Six over zealous Girl Scouts, one long winter, and my Bessie. I took them down to the barn and wouldn’t you know Bessie was on the Internet typing in a new passage to a Campfire. The girls were in awe as she hopped and skipped across her custom made keyboard. Bessie was hard at work wagging her tail and panting to stay cool.

Like I said , she has a custom made keyboard. It is so wide that the only place I can put it for her to have ample access to it is where I keep all the main shut off valves for the water in the barn. Usually this poses no problem because she rarely has an audience. My Bessie is also part ham and had to show off with her typing speed. Well she lost her balance and her 1575 pounds of red and white beauty cascaded into the wall and broke the spigot. Luckily it was already turned off because there would have been a real mess. Well anyways now there was no easy way to get water to give Bessie her bath.

You would think that those Girl Scouts would have given up in their quest to wash every animal in the county. Oh no, not these resourceful teens. They started a bucket brigade from a drinking cup in one of the stanchions.

Well, I knew they said that they would wash my lovely cow for free but what kind of person would I be if I didn’t give them something for their hard work. I reached into my pockets and all I found was a few pieces of hay, lint, and a bolt or two. My wallet was just as bare. I excused myself and went to my house and searched high and low for something worthy enough for a cow wash. I searched my dresser drawer for some loose change, none was found. I searched my cupboards for something I could give them like a snack and some Kool-Aid .

I opened the pantry and there they were, that case of colored popcorn balls that I bought off the Cub Scouts a couple of months ago. I wondered if the Girl Scouts would mind terribly if I gave them these with some lime Kool-Aid.

I spent the next couple of minutes making the drinks, washing some Styrofoam cups, and then gathering up the popcorn balls. Then I walked down to the barn to see their progress. It was definitely a sight. Bessie was so clean that she sparkled like the Pulitzer prize; she glistened like the pond on a moonlit night; she was so clean that the white of her skin made her teeth look yellow. I mean she was so clean that I felt real guilty of giving these girls popcorn balls from the Cub Scouts, but when it is all you had what else could I do.

What I did was, after we ate the Cub Scout treats, I joined them in cleaning the next rather unusual pet...Those Girl Scouts and I tried to wash an iguana.