Welcome to My Zoo

*Author's note: This poem has been answered by my friend's companion piece, "Invalid Item" 

Welcome to my zoo.
It’s so full of poo.

I don’t know if this is relevant,
But please don’t upset my elephant.

Have you ever seen anything as preposterous
As my polka-dotted rhinoceros?

Oh, don’t mind the giraffe.
He’s a bit daf’.

Do you know my monkey?
He’s a drug junkie.

Have you seen my baboon?
She’s as crazy as a loon.

Do you know my dolphin?
She loves to go golfin’.

Did my turtle
Just jump that hurtle?

Do you know if my camel
Is really a mammal?

Someone tell the porcupine
That it is time to dine.

I spilled my drink on my smock
When I saw that great big croc.

That cheetah
Just stole my pita.

The penguins are at it again,
Hittin’ those bottles of gin.

Watch out for the grapes!
They spew apes.

So, be careful what you do,
A tiger runs my zoo.