End of Relationships

          What do you do when you are staying in a relationship that both of you know has been long over-due? The problem is this: you both love each other greatly, but there is something missing, something very important. You both have been feeling it for a long time now, but haven’t had the courage to say anything because you thought you could fix it, and why hurt the one person you love over something that you might be mistaken about.

          This has been one of my many many problems in relationships. I felt that the relationship was doomed to failure, yet I never did anything about it. Or, when I did do something about it, I wasn’t doing anything to really fix the problem; it was more like patching up the problem. What I should have done is sit down with my girlfriend and talked about how I felt, after all, I’ve been telling her that I would do that and I am the one that has always had the ease to open up. But I didn’t, instead I just found something else to talk about and blindly “satisfy” the urge to fix up the relationship. That never works anyways, so why do I keep on doing that?
I’ve been focusing on my side of the relationship, but a relationship must include at least two people, so there is someone else to talk about after all. It’s strange that you can spend an incredibly short amount of time, yet you can know them better then anyone else. She sometimes just doesn’t want to realize that you might just know her better then she knows herself. You can tell that something is bothering her even before she does, so why is she so reluctant into sharing what bothers her? It’s understandable that she might want to protect you from the pain that she is going through, but don’t you love her?

          People say that you can only love someone if you know their deepest darkest secrets and still be able to love them. Why is she so keen on hiding her past from you? You’ll love her no matter what her past was like. Of course you might need a moment to yourself to let everything sink in, but you know you will be there for her in the end. Why is she keeping it a secret, is it that she doesn’t trust you, or that she just doesn’t want you to know? Either way, she should still be able to talk to you, unless you’re one of those jerks who’s hurt her in the past. Maybe she has also realized that it’s all over between you two, and it’s just not worth it sharing it with you. If that is the case, then why has she been sharing important stuff with you recently?

          The best part is when your girlfriend comes to you with a problem and asks for your help, and you do then get blamed for it. Sometimes you already have a solution, but you should always try to keep her best interest in mind. For example, when I was with my ex, she had a few friends whom I didn’t like. I just didn’t like them as a person, I was fine with the friendship. Anyway, one of these friends was in her class. She had chosen to go behind my back to be with him in a class, but we will over look this ingression, at least for now. This class consisted of mostly group work, so obviously she peered up with him (and a few others). As much as I can find faults in her, she was a hard-working student. This other chap on the other hand, was quite the lazy fellow and a poor worker when he did work. Both her and I were surprised of the grades he was getting in other classes. She would come home and complain that he was bringing her grades down. She asked me what she could do. The first thought that came to mind was for her to ditch him. I told her she could talk to him, see if all he needs is some guidance (heck we all felt lost at one point or another, no matter how hard or easy the task we were faced with was), or maybe he was having some personal problems. Her answer, “my friends and I don’t talk about this kind of things, and even if we did, it wouldn’t work”. Next solution would be to ask the professor to change groups, since this was affecting her grades (she had low 90s in her other classes when she had low 80s/high 70s in that class). This would be bad for her image if this friend would mention this to others, and she would risk getting shunned. As much as I hated the guy, I was trying to find solutions for her to make it work, but after awhile all she was saying is that her friends were changing and it just wasn’t worth it. Yes I will admit I took “advantage” of this situation and offer that she back away from him as much as possibly, since just spending time with him outside of class was reminding her of her “failure” in that class. Needless to mention that when she would see him, she’d come home and bitch about her class. She saw the positive outcome of this solution and accepted it. Then the issue comes to her best friend. At first I had no issue with her. She of course despised me from the start because she wasn’t able to spend as much time with her friend. I didn’t take it personal, this girl hated all of my ex’s ex-boyfriends. It got to a point where she wouldn’t come visit my ex if I was home (we were living together at that point). My ex started getting sad every time she spent time with her friend, and her reason was that her friend was changing, and attacking her on her faults. We went through the same procedure: I came up with solutions, and she turned all but one down, to ditch her. After awhile, she was sad that her “old” friend was gone, but was happy that the “new” friend was gone. Now over 1 year after we broke up, she blames me for having push them apart saying that since I couldn’t control them, I wanted them to leave. Does she realize how absurd that is? I barely ever had a chance to speak to any of her friends. If they came to visit her at work and I showed up, they’d leave! She can’t face up to them and tell them that we came to that decision together, no. She has to tell them that I was the hammer and the wedge that split them apart (temporarily). That’s fine with me, I didn’t lose any friends out of this whole charade, but I wonder just how many more lies her friends are going to put up with.

          One thing that made it bluntly obvious that that relationship was over, was when I lost my cool. I don’t mean your average “I’m mad at you, but everything will be fine soon”. I lost it, I snapped. I made her scared of me, and I scared myself realizing just how close to my father I can resemble. People who have known me for years say I have the patience of a god. They all come to me with their problems because I always keep a cool air about anything. This girl managed to change all of that. I physically hurt her. I didn’t hit her, but I did grab her by the arm as she tried to walk away. I picked her up and sat her down on a chair and cornered her. My reasoning at the time was that we always walked away from out problems, never fixing them, just ignoring them. When that wasn’t working, I picked her up and carried her to the computer room, where I proceeded to demand, and not ask, for answers. I emotionally scared her for life. And it messed me up too. After I left her, I went for some counseling and anger management. I realized the bad “potential” I had, and I wanted to deal with it right away. I’m happy that it happened early in life, and that I was able to fix the problem before it became out of hand. I do feel sorry that it had to happen, and yes it’s a little insulting that she wishes all the memories, good and bad, could be swept away and forgotten. I’m not going to say “I’m sorry”, it wouldn’t do anything. But there is not one day that has gone by that I haven’t replayed my actions in my head. Some how I have a feeling that might be why I seemed to be depressed as of late. I’m just glad its all over, and extremely happy that my current love is able to bring out the good in me. Not just the good, but “me”. I am myself now, even my friends have commented that I look happier and I’m back to my calm self.