4/19/02 Journey By Journal Begins

Where should I begin?

Perhaps, it would be best to begin by letting you know where things stand now with Johnny Angel.

For whatever reason, we're pretty much out-of-touch again.

Once in awhile, I will send him a piece of snail-mail (mostly, a postcard from somewhere I'm traveling to--or just a postcard to keep him up on my life).

At one time, I was sending him e-mail almost daily in the form of these wonderful online cards.

He told me that he wasn't that much of a fan of the Internet (except for how it would help him in his law practice), so not to expect to hear back from him in that way.

Even so, he DID, at one time, open every single card I sent his way.

Now, he either doesn't--or else he opens them at another e-mail site.

Someone suggested to me that this is what he was doing.

But why is it that he doesn't even want ME to know that he's still reading my cards (or was until I quit sending them)?

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm still welcome in his life.

I could easily find out by calling him or showing up at his workplace.

But I don't know if this is the time.

Anyway, I'm now in the process of creating a special gift for him--but I can't mention it here, in case he reads this, because I want it to be a surprise for him.

I know I'm being a big baby in not just facing up to whatever the reality turns out to be--and I might even be losing precious and happy time that I could be spending with him now!--but my women's intuition tells me that he needs some space from me and I would be intruding to come back into his life at this time.

So I just pray a lot and rest assured that everything will work out for the best (whatever the best is).

There have been too many signs, and we've had too much history for "us" to simply fade away as if it had never happened.

I even feel in my heart of hearts that we're meant to someday marry--yet, am I living in reality? Or am I just thinking wishfully?

Only time will tell.

And, if he isn't the one I eventually marry, what then?

I'll simply adjust my feelings to that reality and learn to be both happy and satisfied with it.

What's really most important to me is that we'll continue to be friends, no matter what, because he's such a precious and wonderful person, and we have so much in common.

And that--plain & simple--is where we stand now. . .

:)"4/20/02 Angelic Connections" :)