I Could Imagine

I could imagine your eyes,
So bright and lively.
Excitement coursing through the
Pools of blue like the sea.
Your hands moving expressively,
Gesturing and speaking in ways
Your mere words could not.

I listened patiently,
Fascinated.
Not so much by what you had to say,
But by the resonance with which you said it.
Inside I secretly ached because I wanted to have
Been the one to bring such life into you.

I thought of telling you then,
but I didn't have the strength to.

I could imagine your eyes,
Hooded and downcast.
Anger flashing like sudden electricity
Lightening in your stormy skies.
Your hands clenched
In fists of rage,
Tight and rigid in your lap.

I listened cautiously,
Furious.
Not with you, but with her
For the way she made your voice tremble.
Inside my fury burned because I wanted to have
Been the one to make you feel such intensity.

I thought of telling you then,
but I didn't have the will to.

I could imagine your eyes,
Liquid and darkened by the
Passion simmering beneath the surface.
Your hands open and slick with sweat
Rubbing over your jeans to dry them.

I listened painfully,
Jealous.
Not because you felt pleasure,
But because you felt it with her.
Inside my heart broke because I wanted to have
Been the one to cause in you such fervent desire.

I thought of telling you then,
but I didn't have the courage to.

I could imagine your eyes,
Brimming with pain and despair.
Unshead tears creating a wall of anguish.
Your hands trembling like a child's
Shaking as they cradled your head.

I listened silently,
Miserable.
Not because of you, but the pain she inflicted.
Inside my heart tore because I was sorry for you
Yet I secretly wanted it to be my name you sobbed.

I thought of telling you then,
but I didn't have the heart to.

I could imagine your eyes,
Distant and weary.
Trying to shut out the world.
Your hands limp and lifeless
Like an unmanned marionette.

I listened intently,
Desperate.
Not because I hung on every word, but because
I was straining to hear any word at all.
Inside my heart was cold because I could not
Comfort you when you needed me the most.

I told you then,
but only because I'd run out of reasons not to.

I could imagine your eyes,
Wide and startled.
Quickly looking away.
Your hands fidgeting restlessly
Nervously pushing through your hair.

I listened abjectly,
Depressed.
Not because you didn't care, but because
You cared too much to let me dream.
Inside my heart shattered because
I was sure my world had ended.

I thought of dying then,
but I didn't know a way to tell you.

I could imagine your eyes,
Sympathetic and pleading.
Brows furrowed in concern.
Your hands stretched in front of you
Reaching out for me.

I didn't listen then.
Hollow. I walked away.
Not because you hurt me, but because
I was hurting myself by loving you.
Inside my heart cried because
All this time I'd spent my life imagining you.

And all I ever wanted,
was for you to imagine me too.