Just Joe

“This wire goes here. This one here and... Oh yeah, I have to plug it in here.”

Joe is talking to himself as he puts his latest entertainment accessory onto his television. He is happy with himself because he has connected the color-coded wires to the color-coded receptacles at the back of the TV. Joe grunts and groans as he slides the 27-inch television back on the shelf. When done with that strenuous job he’ll turn it on.

The television comes to life. First with the random pattern of black and white dots; more commonly called ’snow’. The colors are appearing from the center of the screen and sound is emitting from the surround speakers. It sounds like a news report. As these words are heard the picture clearly identifies a woman wearing an expensive silk blouse sitting behind a desk holding papers.

“I repeat today’s fire at Henry’s Dry Cleaners, believed to have been caused by ...a pocketful of junk food and a pack of matches.”

“Henry’s Dry Cleaners? That’s where I get my laundry done. Hmmm, what a coincidence that I can’t find my matches, marshmallows and graham crackers and I’m hungry for S’mores too.

“Maybe I should try to record this so mama can see this.”

This is where he hits the power button to the VCR. The television screen turns to a real nice shade of blue.

“Hmmm, maybe it needs a new VCR tape.”

Joe searches his other shelves and does find a blank tape and inserts it into the VCR. A green word appears on the upper right hand corner of his screen, the word is ‘P-L-A-Y’.

“I don’t want to play. I want to record.”

He starts hitting buttons at random on the remote control. When he hits the one marked ‘Menu’ a screen comes upon the television. This chart-like screen asks Joe what function he wants...Calendar, clock, settings, volume and playback.

“Where is the ‘other’ option... I just want to record this. Is this too much to ask for?”

After another series of random button pushing he hits the ‘menu’ button again and once more the screen is blue. Also Joe notices that the numbers on the VCR are blinking.

“Great” he says disgustedly, “now the clock is in need of a setting.”

He looks for the now discarded box in the trash. Of course Joe can’t find it among the Twinkie wrappers and the potato chip bags. He didn’t actually throw the box in the trash, nope; he put it in the corner and stacked some dirty laundry over top of it.

He spends a good hour searching high and low for the box containing the owner’s manual for his new, state-of-the-art VCR. He almost gave up until he remembered about the clothes at the dry cleaners. You see he had to sort through the clothes looking for the Ddry clean only. All of the other clothes were heaped in piles from cleanest to dirty. He knew that he was going to have to wash some clothes soon.

The news has long been over when he found the box, the Styrofoam peanuts and the owner’s manual. Joe thought that he would at least attempt to program the VCR so he could tape the 11o’clock news.

“Ok, turn on unit and television...check.

“Turn off and wait three minutes and turn back on...this will automatically set the clock.

“To record at certain time press menu.”

Joe is really involved in this operation, he has his ‘concentration tongue’ sticking out of his mouth. He pushed the menu button again. The old chart-like screen appears.

He peruses the book again and he finds the number for the service counter. Joe dials the number and is connected with an operator almost immediately.

“How may I help you?”

“Well... I would like help in programming my VCR.”

Laughter erupts on the other end...