JOE AND FRANK(#2)

if this one isnt as good its alright...we didnt put much effort into it

didnt read #1? you should...this one connects back to it quite a bit
"JOE AND FRANK(#1)" 

Characters:
JOE
FRANK
Hot nurse
Bin Laden (we had to put him in there...he begged us)
Other hot nurse
doctor
gazoo
_______________________

[after JOE and FRANK dive at the newtons they smack into each other and get knocked out…when they come to the see the hot nurse sitting in front of them sans clothes (they don’t know it but this is actually a dream) they each get an erection instantly]
FRANK: [laughs] you suck JOE
JOE:...
FRANK: seriously man...how do you get it so compact? It’s like a Japanese car!
JOE: shut the hell up!
FRANK: or what?
JOE: or I’ll punch you numbnuts!
FRANK: if you punch I’ll kick you in the balls...might not be an easy target but it is a target nonetheless

[this goes on for quite some time when at one point JOE sees his opening and jumps for the girl...FRANK jumps also but slightly later and they smack into each other yet again and start ANOTHER dream…in this one there’s 2 nurses but one’s a man they don’t know that though. They each grab one and go]

NEXT DAY

[FRANK is awake downstairs making himself some scrambled eggs when he hears JOE screaming like a banshee drops what he’s holding and runs for the stairs]

FRANK: [steps on the first stair and slips on a Newton] stupid Newton [skips over the now soiled stair and continues…slips on a skateboard] stupid skateboard [moves the skateboard and moves on…slips on a Newton] goddamn newtons! [skips step and continues and steps on Martha Stewart] AH! Stupid K-Mart lady! [throws her over the stairs continues and slips on a Newton] fuckin’...! [continues going up the stairs and steps on France and continues walking] I’ve always wanted to do that

[cut away to British dude standing in front of a black background]
dude: [holds out a book and reads] "'France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals. France is miserable because it is filled with Frenchmen, and Frenchmen are miserable because they live in France.'......Mark Twain"

[cut back to stairs]
FRANK:[slips on a Newton] where in the hell did these things come from? [next step he slips on a used condom] ugh [barfs...he finally makes it to the bedroom battered and bruised and pretty well deformed and yells at JOE] what the HELL are you screaming about?!

JOE to his computer: DAMMIT WHEN I WANT PORN I’LL GO LOOK FOR IT QUIT SENDING IT TO ME! [points at the bed] oh yeah...she’s a guy...oops

[FRANK verbally bashes JOE some more then goes back downstairs to eat his scrambled eggs. He takes a bite and barfs then realizes that he dropped baked beans on them how this happened he does not know but it did. Suddenly Gazoo (the green alien form the flintstones) appears]

GAZOO: that’s how they make breakfast in Britain you should like it.

FRANK: well the Germans shoulda dropped cookbooks on those muther fuckers! I guess cooking is the only thing France can beat them in...jesus those are bad eggs.

GAZOO: well I never...[leaves]

FRANK: Serves you right fuckin Brit...you guys could at least learn how to spell. "Harbour"? What the fuck is that?

[suddenly they wake up from this dream…they see the one hot nurse and continue their fight for her and after a lot of crashing, swearing, and explosions (in that order) FRANK wins. JOE sits battered and bruised and pretty well deformed and watches FRANK and the hot nurse play a few rounds on tonsil hockey. After a bit he gets an idea…he makes a unabomb and dresses up as a mailman]

[doorbell] PACKAGE FOR FRANK! [ding dong ding dong frank opens door ding dong ding dong ding dong] HELLO?![ding dong ding dong ding dong]

FRANK: I’m right here

Mailman: [ding dong ding dong] HEL—oh hi there…can you sign for this?

FRANK: sure [sings...opens package—EXPLOSION OF NAILS AND SHRAPNEL]

(cut)

[ambulance sirens]
[JOE and FRANK are at the hospital now and FRANK is choking on the nurses tongue
(he can’t use his cause it’s in 3 pieces)…doctor rushes in]

doctor: OH MY GOD THIS GUY’S DYIN’! [charges defibrillator and proceeds to burn JOE’S nipples off…in the confusion JOE turns on the laughing gas valve and the whole room fills with it. After hallucinations involving sex, drugs, more sex, more drugs, weird lights, more drugs, and toasters they both wake up from this dream in front of the newtons]

[in the process of angrily staring at each other they see Bin Laden out the window ranting...he screams a long drawn out swear word at God and is suddenly struck by lightning, a comet, a lava flow, a grizzly bear, a falling 13-year-old, the Mir space station, and Mark McGuire’s home run ball (in that order)...JOE and FRANK laugh hysterically until various internal organs explode then and ambulance shows up somehow on their private island]

AT THE HOSPITAL

[FRANK wakes up to see JOE getting a sponge bath from a hot nurse meanwhile Dr. McCoy (a.k.a. "Bones" from the star trek movies) runs in]
DR. MCCOY: what's your problem?
FRANK: (calmly) well i don't seem to have very many internal organs left. I think I...[feels his stomach] yeah I don't have a heart right now and...I'm not really sure how I'm talking to you. so...yeah.
DR MCCOY: I see...[reaches into his pack pulls out a pill] here take this [toss] call me in the morning...I have a captain to save now.
FRANK: [swallows pill] call you? I don't swing that way man.
[FRANK gets his strength back as Dr. McCoy leaves, he runs over and rips the curtain down (so he can beat the shit outta JOE) to find him getting a sponge bath from a male nurse]

FRANK: oh...fuuuuuuuuck

JOE: [looks happily at nurse] we already did...
[FRANK runs away never to be seen or heard from again]

JOE (with lisp): eh...that’s how it goes (goes back to his sponge bath)

[blood splatters on the screen spelling “THE END?”]
narrator: THE END...QUESTION MARK

_______________________________


well would ya look at that?...i guess it did turn out to be "a tale of homoeroticism" just like the first one was supposed to be titled.
dude......France sucks.