Webster and the Case of the Missing Link

The Webster stories, "Webster's Diction" , are best read in order.

This story is lecture #8, part of a series of lectures given by Professor Webster. The lectures are ordered as follows:
#1 is "The Color of God" , #2 is "Silence in G Minor" , #3 is "Three Hats, a Blind Man and a Dime" , #4 is "Aristotle’s Pigeons" , #5 is "Waiter, There is Fate in my Soup" , #6 is "Is There a Problem Here"  and # 7 is "It's a Matter of Fact" 

Webster and the Case of the Missing Link

Webster is having difficulty with tomorrow’s lecture. He’s been staring at a blank piece of paper for nearly an hour now, his pencil having sought the company of $1.57, in various denominations of coin, in the dusty crevices of this, once fashionable, horse-and-jockey-stamped chaise lounge. His up-right head succumbs to sleep from time-to-time, each time resurfacing with a gasp of air, as if inflating, creating a bobbing motion that, to an onlooker, makes him seem a very agreeable fellow.

We all know that what Webster is unable to concoct in his waking hours, he sometimes uncovers in the depths of sleep. This in-between stage, however, is wholly unproductive.

‘What would I call a dream that comes to me, in an up-right state, in the dusk-shaded hours of daylight? Is it a day dream? I’ve never heard of an evening dream.’ This line of reasoning is entirely preposterous, but totally forgivable in this state between sleep and awakedness, when the mind is most susceptible to invasion by amorphous visions. ‘Is awakedness a word,’ is the last thought he remembers before the bell rings and the horses are off.

‘Go Red Rum, I’ve a sharp-edged Jackson riding on you, go! Why is that incessant starter’s bell still ringing. Go Red Rum - Wait a minute, that’s the phone,’ he thinks to himself and fumbles in the general direction of the starting gate. The caller must forgive Webster the twenty-some rings, for finding a rarely used phone, in an avalanche of periodicals now serving as historical record, is no small feat. We must bear in mind that Webster seldom uses the phone, he’d just as easily drive across town than to rotate ten digits on this dusty old phone.

“Samuel, its Betty.” Betty Beerdham chimes in before Webster has a chance to properly claim his presence, which, of-course, is entirely unnecessary, for who else would answer the phone in this lonesome abode.

She rambles on at double speed, which Webster finds quite unnatural for an anthropologist, ‘Anthropologists have time on their hands,’ he giggles to himself, having to explain it away as a clearing of the throat. Webster wanders to the chaise and squeezes his hands between Red Rum and Man-O-War, pulling up enough change for tomorrow’s tea and a still sharp pencil.

Beerdham explains that her treasured clay reproduction of a Homo Erectus skull has been taken from her classroom. It appears she agreed to a cockamamie scheme to use professor Rushholm’s unperfected, classroom-built, lie detector, because the Dean refused to call the authorities. “Imagine that Samuel,” she finally takes a breath, “he thinks its all a prank and something about my head not being worth the trouble, I mean, its Homo Erectus, Samuel.”

Webster has been taking notes diligently, finding them a suitable start to tomorrow’s lecture. “Don’t worry Betty, I’m certain it’s a prank, you’ll have your head back by the weekend.” And, with a graceful goodnight, Webster turns to his notes.

         -Rushholm’s lie detector malfunctioned
         -Five students are accused
         -Each student made three statements
         -Of the three statements made by each student, the lie detector has correctly identified two of each of the three statements to be true, and one false, but the detector is unable to identify which statements are true and which is false

         The statements:

         -Mr. Luften: I did not take the head. I have never stolen anything in my life. Sutherland did it.

         -Mr. Wright: I did not take the head. I have never stolen anything in my life. Don’t believe everything the others tell you.

         -Mr. Dunstan: I am innocent. I never saw Brady before. Sutherland is guilty.

         -Mr. Sutherland: I am innocent. Brady did it. Luften lied when he said I did it.

         -Mr. Brady: I did not take the head. Wright is the guilty one. Dunstan and I are old pals.

‘Thank you Betty, we have our culprit, and we have our lecture.’ Webster says to himself, while licking the tip of his pencil with a generous flick of the wrist.

~~~~~~~~~

“Evolution!” Webster declares, as several students check to make sure they are in the right classroom.

“I don’t mean anthropological evolution, I mean metaphysical, the evolution of the human spirit, of the human cognizant condition.” Webster notices an array of raised eyebrows, some preferring the left to the right, making the room look like a turbulent sea.

“Oh, by the way, Ms. Beerdham has lost her head and she is quite distraught.” Webster declares matter-of-factly, as if everyone knows Ms. Beerdham, and furthermore, as if everyone knows she is distraught.

“This isn’t the first time, I’m sure” Carlisle says, with a sideways smirk meant for Cabra.

“Well, this time it appears someone has made out with Homo Erectus.” Webster rolls his eyes.

‘I guess there goes her Saturday night.’ Even Carlisle knows it’s inappropriate to say certain things out loud.

“Monads.”

“No, I tell you, it’s true.” Carlisle spikes the lay-up.

“There may be nothing more true, indeed. When all things are divided such that they can be divided no more, there are monads. And when they gather, they do so with cause -‘Vinculum Sunstantiale.’ But you already know that Mr. Carlisle.” Webster blocks quite admirably.

“Is this an atom, sir, or a quark?” asked Lauren.

“An atom, or a quark, is compound matter, made from the combination of other substances, though we may not yet know their claim. I am speaking of a metaphysical unit. A monad is simple and has no matter, yet, they are harvested, with the harmony of form, to make all things - Vinculum Substantiale, the divine purpose.” Webster looks to Carlisle, with a tilt of the head, as if offering an opportunity for him to explain.

“When we can no longer divide the divisible, perhaps we find the divine. Remember, only nothing comes from nothing, and before infinity, there is the breath of God.” Webster blows a short breath, for that’s all he has left.

“What groups monads into a tree, or a cat, or an X, Y combination we’ve come to love as Carlisle?” Webster looks sideways at Carlisle, raising his left brow to an unnaturally high position.

Carlisle smiled, but not as deeply as Gupta, for Gupta knows Webster leaves little to chance, and incarnating a cat in the same breath as Carlisle, is, indeed, an inside joke.

“What cause, self preservation?” Webster says as he throws a nickel at Carlisle, who raises his hands to protect his face. Webster’s limited agility left Carlisle in little danger, but somewhat abashed.

“Thank you Mr. Carlisle for securing eternity.” Webster gives him a little wink, making Carlisle feel like he was in on something, though he’s not quite sure what.

“What cause, goodness?” Webster continues as Carlisle hands the nickel back, giving little thought to pocketing it, and even less to a more forceful return.

“Thank you Mr. Carlisle,” Webster holds out his hand, “For your clarity of mind. Indeed, to give back, is better than to receive” Carlisle smiles as if accepting a prize.

“There is harmony in nature - a sunflower seed will never be a rose, but, there is also a hierarchy. A stone, if gifted consciousness, is a greater perfection, but not as great as the peasant who marries a princess, for his mind was opened to the whisper of God.” Webster taps his temple.

“Listen to the whisper, for therein lies the Constitution of the City of God.”

“Evolution. A tree has no soul, and a dog cannot reason, but the peasant who outsmarts the king is closer to God. Isn’t that right, Mr. Wright.” Webster glances at Wright with only the slightest pause, getting in return an imperceptible nod.

“Goodness is a perfection in the evolution of reason, and evil is the unwillingness to listen to the whisper.”

“Do not regress, my faithful ones, do not regress.” Webster says in a near imperceptible whisper , “Even Mrs. Beerdham’s skull is the clay of God.” Webster smiles as Wright leaves with a determined pace as a soulful companion.


Guptas’s Notes:

Gupta hasn’t slept since Cole left his apartment last evening, leaving behind a slight hint of Tres Soir and a lovely shade of pink across his bottom lip. He is energized, nonetheless, with the prospect of major progress in their heretofore unclear relationship. The sweet Pongal thawed untouched last night and now is much too soft for a hardy meal. It’s a good thing Cole invited him for breakfast this Saturday morning. His only apprehension is that he’s not sure she knows he can’t eat ham or eggs.

‘Perception is reality,’ he whispers to himself, as she serves him banana pancakes and a strong cup of coffee.

“I hear Mrs. Beerdham got her head back last night,” Cole says as she serves herself a healthy helping of scrambled eggs, and a leftover slice of pan-grilled chicken.

“Uhm, yeah,” Gupta’s mouth is full, “a prank, I’m sure,” he says with a swallow. “So, evolution of the human cognizant condition, now there’s a mouthful.”

“Yeah, that was a weird lecture, don’t you think,” Cole says as she fiddles with the food on her plate, wondering what came first. “I mean, I think I know what he’s getting at, but he kept looking at Wright, as if he expected him to morph before his very eyes.”

“Tell me if I got it this time, Cole,” Gupta sips on lukewarm coffee, “I think Webster is taking us back to Liebniz and the harmony of nature. Not only do all digits have their place in the clock of God, midnight always strikes before 1:00 am.”

“I’m sorry, but, huh?” Cole is convinced she just heard Webster.

“There is harmony to nature, but there is also a hierarchy to nature. The inanimate, say a tree, the animate, say a fish, the perceptive, say a cat, and the conscious and reasoning, say Carlisle, except for the reasoning of course.” Gupta chuckles, and Cole joins him, though somewhat uncomfortably.

“Yes, yes,” Cole points at Gupta, as if to say, ‘you’re going places.’ “There is a hierarchy to life. Beings that reason are said to have a spirit, as opposed to the soul, which a cat might have. God created a world with various levels of perfection and the ability to reason is the greatest perfection. Reason brings us closer to God. Yes, a hierarchy, and its lowliest member is the monad”

“Remember that infinity advances from both ends, and when you divide such that you can’t divide no more, you find the divine, but when you multiply, such that you can add no more, you may find yourself where you started.” Gupta asserts, and then pauses to explain to Cole, as much as to himself, what it is he just said, “I mean, we know all things to have a cause, it’s hard for us to conceive of something without also conceiving of how it came to be, but the monad, metaphysically speaking, has no cause, but…”

“But the breath of God,” Cole interjects. “And reason, is a breath full of meaning, reason is the whisper of God.”

“Precisely,” Gupta nearly said, ‘My faithful one,’ but caught himself in time. “But, I am a little dismayed with why he threw a nickel at Carlisle.”

“What cause, protection, isn’t that what he said?” Gupta nods attentively, and Cole continues, “I think he was saying that with the breath of God comes the compulsion for survival, to ensure eternity. All creatures have the natural instinct of protection, it is not learned, there is no perceivable cause to it.” Cole is excited and stops stirring her coffee, “And creatures that reason have clarity of mind. What cause, goodness, didn’t he say that too? I think he meant that the ability to reason clearly is a perfection and it leads to goodness. Evil is a deficiency, an inability to reason clearly.”

“Listen to the whisper, for therein lies the Constitution of the City of God.” Gupta whispers into Cole’s ear, causing the soft blonde hairs on the back of her neck to stand at attention. He then gives them pause to rest with a more affirmative statement, “So, why do you think Wright took the skull?”

Try to figure out why Webster and Gupta are so sure Wright took the skull and drop Webster a note in "Professor Webster's Mail Box" . Webster will forward you to the answer from "Professor Webster's Mail Box" .

The next lecture is "The First Day of Forever"