Letter to Readers

Dear Readers:

I have some very, very sad and disturbing news. I have the very rare, and highly contagious Funny Boneclosis Spazzmatic Disease. It is only found in the furthest regions of South Antarctica. I was there visiting my adopted polar bear (“Adopt a Frozen Fur Ball”) named “Fex Muldy”. Before I left, I went to Renta Igloo and reserved a 2 roomer (complete with a defreeze chamber).

So there I was in my Renta Igloo, minding my own business and reading a book about Under-Ice-Burg Basket Weaving when this huge Polar Slug slimed its way across my recently swept floor leaving a trail of slime in its wake. I ended up slipping on the slime, and landing in my bucket of freshly thawed IceBurg Urchins (Who make great company for all you lonely people out there.)

Apparently, one of my supposed IceBurg Urchins was the Umafinlexsteumiperwellfgezerqwetdecvetyuiooplerxedzellgertious Urchin (Which means “Very Bad Urchin” in Ancient Artic Lingo). This Urchin, (which we will call the “Uma Urchin”), has been long thought extinct, but obviously it isn’t. When I sat on this Uma Urchin, one of its sharp barbs stabbed right into my rear end, and thus I ended up with the Not-Fatal but still very rare, and highly contagious Funny Boneclosis Spazzmatic Disease.

It is incurable, since the origin of the disease was thought to be long gone. As I said before, it is extremely contagious. Anyone who makes any physical contact, reads/touches/feels/sniffs/breaths/sees or talks to anything that has ever been in any sort of contact or relation to me, is immediately contaminated with the disease.

If you have any questions or comments, or want to sue me for not previously warning you, feel free to email me. Thank you, and remember, Un-Extinct and Highly Potent Animals may be lurking around any corner, beware!

-Wah


FAQ’s

How will I know if I have the Funny Boneclosis Spazzmatic Disease?

A few good ways to tell would be spontaneous laughing/laughing uncontrollably, and seeing your reflection in a potato.

What are the bad side effects of Funny Boneclosis Spazzmatic Disease?

So far, none have been found. I have one of the worst case’s, and I just get the normal spontaneous laughing, emitting of an odor that smells a lot like rancid polar skunk, and big vibrant green (some yellow with blue stripes) hairy boils all over my nose, nothing bad.

Where is your sanity?

Good question. As soon as I find it, and punish it for running off, I’ll let you know.

If you have any questions that have not been answered here, feel free to email me, or shout at your local Wal-Mart Manager, whichever is most convenient.

-Wah