Crowded

Neither one of us is talking now and silence has returned, that same deciding silence that determines so much more than it should. It's a
weapon that I've used before but now he's holding it's indifferent blade up against my neck and i can feel it severing the thin lifeline that's held our fragile lives together for so long.It is pulled thin like a string with a thousand different men depending on its strength.
His fury gathers slowly pushing like a pin deep into my skin. I slowly turn away. I notice the sun casting its last light on the blue green mountains creating a serene picture in my head. I wish myself to be there, feeling the breeze on my face. The swift slap of reality brings me back into this hot room filled with unspoken words pressing to be let out. It is almost too crowded to breathe, but I will myself to look into his eyes. I hear nothing but see everything, his hurt eyes, and mouth yelling words meant to strike me. I close my eyes, feel a teardrop roll down my cheek. He hates when I cry, so I leave. I wouldn’t want to do anything that would upset him, would I?


The silence that follows last night's events feels like a cool blanket enveloping me in it's fullness. He doesn't speak to me for 3 days after. I prefer this. I know this is not how it should be, I've seen other families. I used to wish so hard for normalcy but by now, I know better. It could be worse.

"Dad gettin angry again?", my neighbor calls out as I dump out the trash. It seems like theres so much nightly garbage I can't bear it. I respond with a weary smile, "Nah, just the cable bill came in, pretty high again, ya know how it is."

I'm sure everyone around us knows the brutality that exists inside our tiny one story house with the blue fence but they all have their own too. Some people worse off then others, I'm probably one of the luckier ones. The ugliness that people hide within themselves never ceases to amaze me.