Perfect or something like it

Well, what can i say ? I had a job...for a day! What a fucking joke, only being able to keep a job for a day. Damn, everyone must think i'm a joke and a loser.

It's pathetic that every little thing i do or don't do is scrutinized. But let it be someone else and 10 times worse, but it's okay as long as it's not me.

Everytime i ask why, they come down on me so hard, i always get the "because you have potential" excuse. That's major bullshit!!! It seems pathetic that i even give a shit what they think. Maybe i care because i care what people have to say and i care what people think and i totally hate myself for it.

Could that be my problem, i hate myself ? Damn!!! I hate who i am and i hate who i'm not. I guess no one ever told me life was a fairy-tale, but i keep waiting and wishing for that happy ending. Who the fuck am i kidding, happy ending are only in stories not "real" life. Everyone wants me to be someone else, someone i'm not.

How many people know the real me, my guess is ZERO!!! I don't think i even know the real me. Could it be that i've put so many walls and barricades, that i've lost track ofthe real me.

When did this happen? Can anyone see that my pain is real? That i'm hurting? I hate me because i'm not what EVERYONE ELSE wants me to be. I hate that i'm not a perfect kid! I hate that i'm not the perfect person!
I HATE that i'm not PERFECT!!!