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| >> Static Item >> Novella >> Relationship >> ID #437926 |   |
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CIRCUS MONKEYS
Chapter 7 Sunday morning was a sad one. Everyone had to pack up and get ready to go, Julie's mother would be there to pick them up and drive them back to Lodi at noon. We didn't have any time that morning to do anything but chat, although that wasn't the most terrible thing. For the rest of Saturday we had gone to Devil's Lake, swimming and hiking until almost midnight (of course, only by eluding the park rangers, which became an adventure of its own). When we came back we all just crashed in the living room. I woke up the next morning with Todd's foot in my face and a serious strain in my neck. Once they got all their stuff together we sat in the tall grass behind an old circus wagon, waiting. "I'm going to miss you guys." I said with a sigh, picking at a dandelion stem. "We'll miss you too Lory, but maybe we can do another weekend sometime." Julie said in a comforting manner. I nodded, but knew how hard it was for everyone to get together with schedule conflicts and everything. "What are you doing for school next year? What about when your dad starts touring, are you going to go with him?" Lindsay asked, I thought for a moment before simply shrugging. "I honestly don't know." We were all silent for a moment and I thought about my options. There was a time when I wouldn't even consider staying with the circus on tour, much less if it kept me away from public school. But now, as I thought about it, home schooling like Joshua did wouldn't be that bad. I would still be socializing just in a different way. I came back to my senses just as Julie and Lindsay stopped whispering. "We're going to get one last funnel cake before we go, do you guys want one too?" Julie asked as they got up. Todd and I both shook our heads and they were soon walking to the food, chattering merrily. I was about to turn to Todd when I heard them greet someone. I couldn't hear the other's voice but Lindsay's voice was distinguishable. "Oh yeah, she's right over there." It's probably just Dad. I thought and was about to check it out when Todd spoke. "Lory?" "Yeah?" I directed my attention back to Todd, something in his tone of voice make me worried. "Is something wrong?" "No, nothing is wrong, I just..." He tugged at his earlobe, a nervous trait of his that he developed in 7th grade. That was after I told him that his previous habit of putting his hands in his pockets and wiggling his fingers just didn't look right. "I'm really going to miss you." I smiled, "I'll miss you too. But we can call each other and everything. It should work out fine. "Yeah..." I looked at him and furrowed my brow. He was tugging his ear and looking down. Something was still bothering him. I decided I just needed to confront him about it. "Ok, what's wrong? You're tugging your ear." He stopped instantly and chuckled. "You know me way too well." I smiled and then he turned serious. Finally, with a sigh and a look of defeat, he started talking. "I actually felt this way a while ago, but wasn't going to say anything. But then seeing you again and the fact that it might be a while before I can visit..." I was impatient. "Spit it out, Todd." "I like you, Mallory." He blurted, and pure shock washed over me as he started babbling. "As in, like like. Not really love, like - well sort of love, like. I mean, well you know, it's more than a friend like - you know." He tugged his ear, exasperated. "God, I feel so second grade." I stared at him for another minute before a grin spread across my face. "Oh, Todd that's so sweet! I love you too, dear, I really do." I heard the crunch of gravel near the wagon but paid it no heed. "But you're a few years late. I had a major crush on you a while back." I smiled sympathetically. "It's long since past and now you're so much like a brother to me, it's not even funny. And I like it that way." He picked at the grass and nodded, not looking at me. I felt so bad, turning him down like that. It takes guts to come out to a friend and take the jump from one thing to another. I leaned forward and gave him a hug. "I have to admit, I'm very flattered. It makes me feel extra special." I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "Don't worry it'll pass eventually. I think we would find it would never work anyway. We know way too much about each other." I grinned at my friend devilishly and he smiled genuinely back. I could tell he really took it to heart, and that he didn't regret telling me he liked me. I was so glad about that, and in that moment, I felt closer to him than I had ever before. I heard crunchy footsteps and almost instantly Julie and Lindsay stepped around the corner. They had hot funnel cakes with powdered sugar already nibbled at in their hands. "Oh, Josh already left?" Lindsay asked, sounding disappointed. She sat down with a huff. Her blatant female instincts were on high gear. "He's so dreamy! I wanted to give him my number." I had the biggest urge to tell her to back off but I was too distracted by her first comment to do so. "What do you mean 'already left'?" I asked with my brow crinkled. Julie swallowed and spoke. "We saw him right after we left and directed him over here. He didn't show?" Todd shook his head and my mind flashed back to the crunching I heard during Todd's little confession. Had he been listening? I'm going to have to talk to Joshua about that. I thought and joined Todd in sneaking a piece of Lindsay's funnel cake. Her eyes were squinted into slits, roaming the grounds looking for young, cute, guys. When she found only clowns, she returned to her cake finding part of it gone and us with guilty, powder-smeared faces. It wasn't long before Julie's mother arrived. I helped them shove the luggage in the van and gave everyone last hugs with our traditional 'words of wisdom' parting. Never good-bye, we always said something the other will remember. "It'll be lonely for a while, but we're only a phone call away." Julie said into my ear. She always knew my feelings and could tell I was really bummed about them leaving. It felt so much like home when they were around. I nodded to her and gave her an extra squeeze. Julie hopped in the van and Lindsay wrapped me up in a great, big, bear hug. She put her hands on my shoulders and held me at arms length. "Put an eye on that Joshua guy. He's manly enough to wear spandex and look good in it. Definitely a keeper." I laughed and put my hands on her shoulders. "I'll keep two eyes on him. One for me and one for you!" She nodded and winked before climbing in. Todd came and gave me a fabulous hug. He was always a good hugger. "L-y-l-a-s." He simply said and I laughed, it was a perfect saying for what we just talked about. 'Lylas' was an internet term that meant Love you like a sister. I grinned as he slid into the vehicle. "Exactly." He nodded, and then closed the door. I stepped back and waved as they pulled away. When they were out of sight I stood there for a moment, feeling very alone. I shook it away though, remembering Julie's words. I walked back to the trailers and stopped outside of our bland white trailer, dwarfed by our purple and red neighbors. A sudden idea leapt into my head, but I had much more pressing matters. I smoothed my long and wavy orange skirt and marched over to an equally orange trailer - Joshua's trailer. I have to talk to that boy and shape things up. I grinned; Besides, I promised Lindsay I would keep an eye on him for her. I gave a knock to the trailer's door and stepped back, looking around. I wasn't sure why I didn't check in the big top first, since he should be practicing right now. I just had the feeling he wasn't working, and I was becoming very good with listening to my instincts. I was about to knock again when I head someone behind me. "Mallory! You looking for Joshua?" I turned around and smiled at Pat, his mom. Her brown hair and eyes matched her son's perfectly, but her short and somewhat chunky stature didn't resemble him at all. She was clad in great big work boots and she had the most laugh lines around her eyes I had ever seen. I always loved people with lots of laugh lines. "Yup, is he in there?" "Sure is! He's probably listening to music and didn't hear you knock. You can go ahead and go in. He's at the end of the hall to the right." I smiled and took her advice, walking in. Pat was so nice. She was basically someone who did odd jobs around the circus, so everyone knew her. I think she was in a situation like me, living here because of relatives. I never knew where Joshua's father was but I didn't ask. I could only imagine that it was a touchy subject. I walked in and looked down the hall. I could hear music being played and walked over. "Knock, knock." I said, tapping on the wall. I stepped into the room with a pleasant grin on my face. I hoped it would help to hide what I already knew. I wanted to try and catch him in the act. "Your mom let me in." He looked at me with a look of disinterest and my grin started to fade. "Ok." He didn't smile, instead turning back to his stereo. He ejected the CD and walked over to his dresser, getting the case. I narrowed my eyes at the back of his head. I took his one word answer as my invitation to be blunt. I never was a patient person. "All right, what's wrong?" I put my hands on my hips and didn't hide the accusatory note in my voice. I no longer had the goofy smile pasted to my face. "I don't know what you're talking about." He kept his back to me and even through the blue t-shirt he had on I could see the tension rising. Why was he so tense? What had he really heard, and more importantly, why was he mad about it? "I come in here and get a look for a greeting. No, scratch that! I come in here and don't even get a greeting." I could feel the fury building up inside of me. I had been avoiding this boy for so long and he had come to see me today for a reason - but what was it? My mind could go crazy thinking of the possibilities. He turned around and sent me the look of death before walking back across the room to put away the CD case. I knew he had probably heard something that he took for something else. But the catch was that he didn't know I heard him there. And what was more - why should that even bother him anyway? It was obvious he wanted to spend all his time with Barbie, he should be happy I wouldn't be hanging around him all the time! "Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong." "Oh please, Mallory, if you can't figure it out then that's pretty sad." "Well then I guess the tears need to start rolling because I can't think of a single thing that would make you act like this." He stared at me stonily and I crossed my arms over my chest. "The last time I saw you, I was introducing you to my friends and even then you acted all tense. I came over to see what the matter was then and now you're like an ice cube. What - are you going to be dead the next time I come around?" I turned my face away from him to look toward the ground. I had said the line without thinking, and I had the feeling it hurt me a lot more than it had hurt him. I just wanted him to tell me he had heard the conversation. I needed him to tell me. Joshua threw his hands up in the air, looking around, flabbergast. "Did you come here just to fight with me or something?" I snorted. "Yes. That's it. I came in here because I knew you would shun me and then we could have a good old spat. Because, frankly, I enjoy being angry, and frustrated, and confused, and invisible too." He was silent and I attempted to burn a hole into his carpet with my eyes, but it wasn't working. "You better spit it out because this is a fight you're not going to win. I'm not leaving here until you speak your mind." My voice was soft yet solid. I really had no intention of leaving. He seemed to hesitate. I searched his face for some sort of sign and then caught his eyes, holding them steady. Finally, he seemed to break his resolve. "You are a liar and just lead everybody on pretending to be this innocent, hurt, little girl when you are not. I can't trust you or a word that you say." I didn't move. I was stunned. I could feel my confident composure shattering around me but I was too numb to care. How could he say something like that? Where did it even come from? "What?" He formed a stance like my previous one, crossing his arms and glaring his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off. "You know what? Forget it." Why was I even bothering with this guy? We barely knew each other, and that was becoming more obvious with each passing second. "Not only do you not know me, but to make such a bogus accusation like that tells me that I don't know you." I shook my head and raised my eyes to his. He got me. Now I could get him. "I know where this came from. You eavesdropped on Todd and me." His mouth visibly dropped from shock. "I did not!" "Bull." He ran his fingers through his hair. It occurred to me that it was a nervous habit of his. Normally, I would have called him on it but now just wasn't the time. "I wasn't purposely listening, I just happened to catch a few things that were said." "Bull! You stood there and listened!" I looked up to the ceiling and closed my eyes for a second. "You know, if you had just followed through listening you wouldn't be angry right now." He suddenly looked very interested. Once again he opened his mouth and I cut him off before a word was uttered. "I never told you a lie Joshua. I never said if I had a boyfriend or not. Heck, I never even told you if I had a crush or not!" I massaged my temples and sighed. We were both silent for a few seconds before something occurred to me. "What I can't understand is why you care so much to be this angry." Joshua bit his lip and concentrated. I could tell he didn't have an answer. He couldn't even tell himself. I threw my hands up in the air and stalked out of the room without a backwards glance. Once outside of the trailer I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes. I go in there to clear up everything and have a fresh start and I come out even more confused and with a pounding headache. Great. "Circus Monkeys -- Chap 8" 
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