Untitled

Her death was a mere stranglehold away and Justin knew it. He sat in his corner just watching her yack away. He hated the way her voice grated on his ears. He hated the way she laughed like some sort of squirrel. Not that Justin had ever heard a squirrel laugh, but he imagined that's what a squirrel laughing might sound like.

He thought about killing her even more this day than he ever had before. Maybe he'd do it right there; right in the middle of the lunch hall. He wondered how far he could get before someone tried to stop him. He started to play out the scenario in his head. No one can stop him. His hands around that pale neck of her's. Everyone's screaming. The principal trying to pull at his arms but the grip is too tight. He drops her lifeless body finally and the cops bust in only to see it's too late. He gets shot or arrested or whatever; he dosen't care. At least she'd be dead.

Justin thought of himself as an outcast. People avoided him. He liked that. Maybe they knew he liked to think about killing them. He kept the thoughts to himself, though. He'd seen it on TV too many times. If he said anything about his thoughts to anyone, they'd probably panic and he'd be kicked out of school. He had to stop wearing his long coat after the funny looks he'd get and hearing people muttering stupid things about trenchcoats and guns. If he did anything like that, he knew he'd do a better job of it. He had it mapped out in his head just because he was curious once.

"Hey, Justin. Jeeze, will you stop looking at her like that?" It was Ned. Ned was the only person crazy enough to be Justin's friend. He wasn't very popular himself but that didn't seem to bother him. It didn't stop him from smiling.

"Sorry," Justin said, "Didn't see you there." He always told himself that the only reason he was friends with Ned was because he had been the only Ned Justin had ever met. Knowing some guy named Ned seemed to mean something to Justin. He didn't know what, though.

Ned sat down and plopped his tray on the table. Almost immediately he was shoving his sandwich into his mouth. He ate happily with smiles in his eyes. Ned looked so contrasting to Justin's nearly ominous presence. He sat there, munching his apple while Justin continued his regular brooding.

Justin wasn't staring at her anymore, though he could occasionally hear her laughing. He tried to shake the thought that he was the one she was laughing at. No. She didn't even care that someone wanted to kill her. She didn't even know anyone watched her from the corner every day at lunch and brooded over ways to murder her. He hated her so deeply and she had no idea. A wicked grin wrapped around Justin's face as he was once again staring at her.

"You're looking at her again, Justin." Ned was eating his bag of Cheetoes. He would have poked or nudged his friend but he didn't want to put his orange fingerprints on Justin's black shirt.

"Maybe I am," said Justin with a smirk. "Maybe I should just go over there and put a stop to my looking at her."

"Look," Ned leaned in, directly in front of Justin's view, "I know you don't like her. Just leave her alone, hmm. She dosen't even know this side of the lunch room exists, let alone have anything against you."

Justin looked at Ned. "How do you know? Did you talk to her or something?" He said this sarcastically.

"Yes. As a matter of fact, I did." Ned wasn't suprised to see the astonished look on Justin's face, "I don't know what it was, I just went up this morning and asked her a few things. Her name's Linda, Justin. Did you even know that?"

"No...," Justin leaned back against the wall by the corner table with his arms crossed. He didn't want to hear this.

"Of course you didn't. You hardly know anyone here." Ned had finished eating and he was doing his best to whipe the orange from his fingers with the small stack of napkins he got every day for his Cheetoes. "You don't have to be an outcast, Justin. You're not one. You have to be known to be an outcast."

Justin rolled his eyes and looked up at the ceiling. Ned sighed. He knew this meant he didn't want to pay attention. There was no getting through his friend's wall. The bell rang and Ned stood up. "Alright. I'll see you later, then. We'll play some MGS2. I've got English to get to." Ned picked up his tray, dumped it's contents and walked away.

"Yeah. Whatever," Justin said, pretty much muttering to himself. He never ate lunch. He always just sat in the corner, staring at her. What did Ned say her name was? Linda? Yeah, that was the name. Linda.

On the way home, Justin followed Linda. He had waited after school till she came out the door to follow her home. He usually waited for Ned to come out, but not today. Ned always got picked up by his mom anyway. Justin followed her just far enough behind so that she wouldn't be aware of him. He stopped by a tree and watched her from the other side of the street till she was once again nearly out of sight.

A squirrel ran by his feet and he sneered at it. It reminded him of her. It reminded him of Linda. He hated her. He had hated her since the beging of last year. Maybe even the Summer before that. He kicked at the squirrel, though it had already gotten clear across the front yard of the house next to the tree he was standing by.

Justin looked up. He had lost sight of Linda. He started running and stopped as Linda called out to him. He had crossed the street in his running and was clearly in her sight. He stiffened and clenched his jaw tightly. He could just feel the sweat wanting to come through the skin of his forehead. He was scared; afraid she might somehow know he was planning to kill her. He hadn't expected her to suddenly say anything to him.

"Don't I know you from school, or something?" She said, chewing her gum.

Justin looked down at her neck. He could do it. He could just do it right here but all he could do was nod, and let out a faint "uh huh."

"Thought so. Anyway, see ya around," She went back to walking down the sidewalk and rounded the corner.

Justin followed just enough to look around the corner and see her enter a house. He just stared for a moment in confusion. She hadn't seen through him. She had no way of knowing what he was thinking. He turned around, heading back to his own home. He had passed it about a block or so earlier.

He wasn't sure how he had figured it out, but Justin saw Linda in the park. It was much later and much colder. He was wearing the long coat he had been keeping in the closet when he went to school and he had a knife. He almost took the big knife, but his mom might have noticed so he took a smaller one. He knew it was sharp. That's why there was a bandaid wrapped around his finger.

It was quite dark. It seemed to only make sense that Linda wouldn't see him coming. She was sitting on the bench wearing some tight dress under the light. Justin had never seen her outside of school and he felt a little awkward when his pants got a little tighter. He tried to shake it off like the thoughts that she laughed at him, but of course it wasn't as easy to shake off his hormones as it was his thoughts.

She was alone. Probably waiting for someone. Justin would have to act now. He slowly slid the knife out of his pocket and held it up to look. there was already a little blood on it from cutting his finger. He hadn't meant to actually cut himself. The knife just slipped. He clenched it tightly, took a deep breath and ran toward Linda.

The light glinted off the blade as he ran under it, ready to gut Linda like a fish. He had a mad look in his face. The look of some happy lunatic. She turned her head, looked directly at him, and screamed at the top of her lungs. Suddenly Justin's face went from insanity to utter panic as he turned around and fled the scene. He had tossed the knife in the air in his paniced state and it landed on the grass.

Someone came running up to Linda. Apparently the one she had been waiting for. He hugged her tightly, trying to get her to calm down, asking what had happened, and apologizing all over for asking her to meet him in the park.

Justin hadn't seen this himself as he was running as fast as humanly possible. Finally he stopped and leaned his hand against a tree to rest. His heart was racing and he was hyperventelating. He decided then and there to forget about staring at her or wanting to kill her. He ran down the street heading for someplace he had forgotten to go.

There was a knock on Ned's door. His mother answered it. "Is..." he was still out of breath. "...Ned.... home?" Justin leaned on the door frame, panting.

"Oh... yeah, he just got back a little while ago. He's upstairs in his room."

"Thanks," answered Justin, and came in, heading up the stairs. He waved at someone sitting on the couch, "Hi, Ned's dad." He didn't bother to do any meet and greet and went directly into Ned's room.

Justin was kind've nervously laughing. "Hey, Ned. I couldn't do it. I couldn..." Justin looked up and around the room. "Ned?"

He heard coughing coming from some other location upstairs. The bathroom. He walked down the hall and pushed the door open. Ned was in there. "Ned! I couldn't do it." He returned to his nervous laughter. "I was right there but I got scared. I couldn't kill--"

"Goddamnit, shut the fuck up!," Ned yelled at Justin, sniffling.

Justin was shocked. He had never ever heard Ned say anything like that. He looked at Ned who was sitting on the floor, clutching his wrist. "Holy crap, Ned! You're... you're bleeding. Oh my god! What are you doing?!"

Ned was staring at the floor. He was staring at the razor lying in the center of the pool of blood forming around it. Tears were running down his face. "She dumped me. Said I'm such a nice guy, I'll find someone. Fuck her! Jesus! Fuck her! Do you know how many fucking times a girl has said that to me?! Huh?! Huh?!" He looked up at Justin who was just standing ther in shock. Ned's face was red from crying. He was shaking while he yelled, spewing his anger at his friend.

Justin looked back at him, "Who? Who dumped you? You have a girlfriend?"

"Jesus Christ, Justin, you don't even fucking know me! I've only been going out with her since Summer! Julia, you fucking moron!" He reached out to grab something to throw, but he just grabbed his wrist again and cried. "I couldn't even see she was cheating on me. What the fuck is wrong with me?"

"But... but... you're always... I thought." Justin was scared. He didn't have any idea what to do. Ned was right. It seems he didn't know his friend. He felt terrible. All this time he had been thinking about himself or about killing Linda or about how stupid everyone is, when his friend, the only person who had ever bothered to try to be his friend, was actually trying to have a life.

"What?," Ned said, "You thought what? That I was the happiest fucking guy in the world. Yeah, well, I thought I was. But I don't know anymore. This was the last thing, you know." He sniffed. "This was the kick in the fucking nuts. I try and I try and I fucking try! But nothing. Goddamn." He adusted the hold on his wrist showing the long slit that went down his wrist. It looked bad. "They don't understand," Ned was speaking in a soft whimper, crying through his words, "I just wanted a chance. I wanted other friends but I defended you instead. Why? What's wrong with me? You don't even want to be my friend anymore. You're always staring at Linda. Linda the fucking squirrel. You probably followed her home. It didn't bother me," He whiped his face with the back of his arm and held onto his wrist again. "It didn't bother me cause I had a date with Julia. And she fucking cuts me off!" He laughed a bit but it was only out of anger and fear, "hehe... cuts me off. I'm killing myself and I have to make fucking jokes. Mom. Dad. They didn't even ask me why I came home early. Oh god. My parents don't even fucking care." He hugged his arm and curled up in a ball and continued crying. His hand was thrust into his face and he was shaking. "Mommy. I want my mommy. I don't want to die, Justin. I'm... I'm scared. P...please..." Ned fell over onto his side, into the blood. His white shirt was stained where he had been clutching his arm and his wrist was still bleeding.

Justin had been standing there in shock. His only friend was unconscious, lying in his own blood. Suddenly, the panic returned. Justin was paniced again, but it was different this time. He was staring death in the face. He was thinking he would tonight, but not like this. Not his friend. Not Ned! He ran out of the bathroom, and nearly fell down the stairs as he yelled at Ned's parents. He stumbled over himself infront of the TV where they were watching. Frantically, he was making no sense. Ned's mom got up out of her seat and stood next to her son's friend. "Calm down, Justin. What is it?"

"It's Ned! He's... he's in the bathroom."

"Yes?"

"The... the floor! He's on the floor!," He shook his head hard to get the words out. "BLEEDING!" Justin dropped, gripping his knees.

"Oh my god!," Ned's mother yelled, "Nine one one, Brian!" She was already running upstairs. Justin heard her scream. He winced at the horrible sound and dropped to the floor. Ned's dad was on the phone, talking to the Emergency operator on the other side. He started to carry the portable phone up the stairs untill he was out of sight.

Justin was alone. He could hear Ned's mom crying. She must've been clinging to him, trying to keep him alive. Justin got up off the floor and sat on the couch. The TV was still on. It seemed ironic against what was really going on. He wanted nothing of it and turned the TV off. He looked down, holding his head in his hand, trying to shut off the sound of Ned's mom wailing. He felt his own tears welling up. What kind've friend had he been? He's the one who thought about it, but Ned was the one to do it. Ned was the one to kill someone. Justin felt such horrible guilt. He wanted to throw up but he just couldn't pull himself up off the couch.

The sirens and lights of the ambulance showed up. Justin only pointed to indicate the upstairs as the paramedics made their way up there. they were up there for a while and Justin stared up, holding his breath. He didn't know what he was going to do if his best friend died. He was frozen in fear.


Some more paramedics ran upstairs with a few more supplies and a strecher. Soon, they were coming back down with Ned on the strecher. One of the paramedics was holding something up and Ned's mom was close behind. They carried him out the door. Ned's mom followed, shutting the door behind. Justin heard the doors of the ambulence slam and it drove away, sirens blaring. Justin just stared at the door. He still didn't know what was happening to his friend.


Ned's dad staggered his way down the stairs, the phone dangling losely in his hand. He seemed somewhat shocked and relieved. He made his way over to the couch and sat down. Justin looked to him with fear in his eyes. "He... he's gonna be alright," Ned's dad said, staring straight ahead, unmoving. "Ned's just lost a lot of blood."

A quivering smile came to Justin's face and he just fell over onto Ned's dad, hugging him and letting his tears flow. Brian let the boy cry on him. He was feeling the same way. "You did the right thing, Jus. If it wasn't for you showing up when you did, we would have lost him." He patted Justin on the head. "You saved my boy's life."

Justin pushed back, sitting on the couch. He was relieved. "Come on," said Ned's dad. You can call your mom and dad from the hospital. I need to give blood for my son and hell... you should, too." Justin nodded and followed Ned's dad toward the garage, shutting off the light behind him.