Dear Baby

Dear Baby

Just did the test. Two lines, hello! I don't feel different, and yet I knew all along you were there.

Let's not get attached, it's better this way. You have to understand. I don't have a choice, not really. You were forced onto me, by Him.

Abortion is a horrible word, I know. They say termination now, as if it can soften the blow.

I can apologise but I won't. Because you know if I was really sorry I would be keeping you.

I'm sorry it ever happened. I'm sorry you're here.

Some girls at school sleep around and never get caught out. My luck says that I decide to wait until the right guy.

I wasn't given that luxury. I didn't even get to decide who, or when. And you would be a constant reminder. I need to forget.

I've never written this sentence before, and I don't ever plan on saying it aloud. I was raped.

You must understand.

I have to sacrifice your life for my own happiness. That's selfish of me. What else can I do?

Understand. You must.

He forced me, and I didn't scream as I felt I should. I lay back and closed my eyes, and I cried. And He made me bleed.

It hurt.

And now I miss my period, and I do this test. And I know you're there before I look at the results. And I hate you already.

Because although you're a part of me, you're also a part of Him.

Understand. You must.

Goodbye

Mummy
xx