The Search For The Ten Dollar Bill

The Search For The Ten Dollar Bill
By Thad

It all began with a simple conversation at a fast food place called Burger Hell. Me and my friend, Don, were discussing his new job.
“How much do you make a year?” I asked.
“70,000 dollars,” he answered. “70 grand, 700 Benjamins, 70,000 Washingtons, uh...3,500 Jacksons, 7,000...hey, who’s on the ten dollar bill?”
I reached into my pocket, then pulled out my wallet. Inside, there were six ones and a five, but no ten. I went up to the counter, gave the worker one five and five ones, and asked for a ten dollar bill. After I was handed a ten, I went back to the table.
“So who’s on the ten?” Don asked.
I looked at the bill, but there was a barbeque sauce stain covering the president’s face. “Damn!”
“We need to find out who’s on the ten dollar bill!” Don shouted. “We’re not playing freakin’ games here!”
“Okay, I’ll keep trying, just let me finish my fries,” I said, grabbing a hand full of my French fries, then stuffing all of them into my mouth. There was one fry left at the bottom of the bag. I was about to eat that one, too, but stopped myself after noticing its unique shape. “Wow, this fry looks like a person’s face!”
“Whose face?” Don asked.
“I don’t know,” I answered, “but it looks very familiar.”
“It must mean something,” Don explained. “This is important. Guard this fry with your life! If you lose it, or eat it, may God have mercy on your soul.”
I wrapped the special fry in a napkin, then put it in my flannel shirt pocket. “Should we look elsewhere for a ten dollar bill?”
“We’ll look tomorrow,” Don said. “We need to be well rested while we search for this rare paper currency.”
“But I didn’t think ten dollar bills were that rare,” I said. “Actually, aren’t they quite common?”
“SILENCE!” Don screamed. “You’re going mad, talking of a world filled with ten dollar bills. You must rest, friend, then we will continue our search in the morning.”


The next morning, Don came over. He had arrived at 6:30AM, and looked as if he’d seen a zombie riding a dinosaur.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“I had a dream last night,” Don explained. “It was about this young black guy named Hamilton. In my dream, he was helping me find the mysterious ten dollar bill, but I woke up before I got to see who was on it.”
“Do you think this Hamilton guy is a dream walker, trying to help you on your quest for the ten dollar bill?” I asked.
“All I know is that in my dream I met him outside of TSK Comics in Montrose, so I think we should go there.”


Fifteen minutes later, we arrived in front of the TSK Comic Shop. When we got out of the car, a beggar approached us.
“Hey, man,” he said to us. “Got any change?”
“That’s the guy from my dream!” Don exclaimed. “Is your name Hamilton?”
“Why yes, it is,” the beggar replied. “When I was a little boy, my parents gave me a locket. They said that when I was older, I’d know what to do with it. There’s a man’s face inside the locket. I don’t know who it is, though. Here, take a look.”
Hamilton opened the locket and showed it to us. I recognized the face, but could not place the name. I took the French fry, wrapped in napkin, out of my shirt pocket, unwrapped it from the napkin, then held the fry up to Hamilton’s locket.
“It’s uncanny!” I said. “This fry looks exactly like the guy on your locket!”
“This definitely means something,” Don said. “Hamilton, will you help us on our quest to find out who’s on the ten dollar bill?”
“Yes I will,” Hamilton said.


We all went back to Burger Hell after discovering that Hamilton, the beggar, had more money than both me and Don. He had 20 dollars, no ten dollar bills, just a twenty. Our plan was to exchange the 20 for two tens, but first, I bought some fries because I was hungry.
I purchased a bag of medium fries, then went back to the table where Hamilton and Don were. I showed Hamilton the “special fry” that looked like the guy on his locket, again.
“Do you think my locket has anything to do with who’s on the ten dollar bill?” Hamilton asked.
“I think it might,” I said.
“Hey, can I have a fry?” Hamilton asked.
“Sure,” I said.
Hamilton picked up the “special fry” and opened his mouth.
“NO, not that fry!” I shouted in horror, but it was too late. Hamilton had already eaten the fry and as soon as he did, he started growing to an enormous size. Hamilton kept growing larger and larger until his head went through the roof of Burger Hell. Pretty soon, he became the size of two skyscrapers.
“I am Hamilton Beast!” he roared.
Hamilton Beast unleashed his monstrous rage upon the city. Me and Don were the only survivors. Hamilton Beast had impaled himself on a point of a massive building after realizing the evil of his own doing.
“You know what?” Don said. “I think I have a ten dollar bill in my pocket, but just forgot to check.” He pulled out his wallet from his pocket, then picked out a ten.
“Yep,” I said. “You do have a ten dollar bill after all. So, who’s on it, anyway?”
“Alexander Hamilton,” Don answered. “That’s who was on Hamilton’s locket, and that’s who the fry, that Hamilton Beast ate, looked like. What a coincidence, huh?”
“Yeah, so how much will you be making each year at your new job?” I asked.
“7,000 Hamiltons,” Don said.
Then we all had a good laugh.