I, the Penis...

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

1. I do physical labour.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends off or public holidays.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I don't get paid overtime.
7. I work in the dark with poor ventilation.
8. I work at high temperatures.
9. My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have rasied, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
2. You fall asleep on the job after brief work
periods.
3. You do not always follow the orders of the
management team.
4. You do not stay in your allocated position,
and often vist other areas.
5. You do not take initiative - you need to be
pressured and stimulated in order to start
working.
6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the
end of your shift.
7. You don't always observe necessary safety
regulations, such as wearing the correct
protective clothing.
8. You'll retire well before reaching 65.
9. You're unable to work double shifts.
10.You sometimes leave your allocated position
before your work is done.
11.During your work hours, you become highly
sensitive and easily agitated, sometimes
causing you to relieve yourself of burdens in
your work area.
12.And if that were not all, you have been seen
constantly entering and leaving the workplace
carrying two suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management

Thanks to Frailty of Words for number 11 of the reply