God and Orion

GOD AND ORION

my mother won't talk about her religion
i don't know why
and she doesn't like me to talk about "mine" either
because she says it will alienate people
i don't want to worry about it
i don't want to convert people
to see a world without god
but i don't want to be converted
and conversation helps that, i think
she doesn't like me to say that i'm an athiest

yes, i'm an athiest
and it's not as though i hated god as a child
and it's not as though it's a phase
even though i'm seventeen
i've felt this way since i was seven
and ten years is quite a long time
for a phase to go on

some people look up at the stars
and feel that there has to be someone
who created it all
who created us
and we can't be alone in the universe
well, i'm sorry
i look up at the stars
and i think, how beautiful that is
how beautiful life is
but i just don't see a design
i see faded points of light
and ancient greek myths
Orion chases the Seven Sisters
with a Bull in the middle
and a Dog following
eagerly
behind

my dad told me recently
he considers himself a deiest
god created the world, and then he left it
Thomas Jefferson was a deiest
and a man my father admires greatly
he decided at seventeen or thereabouts
so he believes me better now
when i say that i still don't believe in god

how can there be a god
if god wants to be loved and feared?
parents who want to be loved and feared
produce the most messed-up kids
it's a thought i have
then again, the human race
is pretty messed up
so i go again
disproving my own theory

some people look at the earth
and think, if it was an accident that created the universe
it was a pretty fortunate, coincidental accident
and if it was a book i wouldn't buy it
well, i never bought a copy of the bible
and i look at the earth
and think, if a god created the universe
it was a pretty ruthless, uncaring god
that allowed the suffering that he allowed
and the pain he permitted to persist

my sister was baptized at fourteen
of her volition, of her choice
after careful study of the Lutheran faith
me, I admire Martin Luther
for standing up for what he believed in
and i want to be like that
i try
but it's hard
and i don't have convenient wooden doors
to post my objections on

why does god want to be loved and feared?
why would god want people who didn't believe in him?
why would god still watch us
care for us
when we take him for granted
and take his name in vain
and take on a lifestyle of sin

why, after millenia
would he still care?
but that's my father's thinking

my thinking is more along the lines of
i love this place
this earth
and i love the people that are there
and i don't need god to tell me to
and i don't need anyone to tell me to
a friend tried to once
after tragedy
he said, you must accept faith, any faith

and i said, i accept faith
i have faith
i have faith in the sun, that it will rise in the morning
i have faith in my sister, that she will be there for me
i have faith in a pen, that it will feel cold and comfortable in my hand
and i have faith in the stars in the sky
because i know Orion
will always chase the Seven Sisters
with a Bull in the middle
and a Dog following
eagerly
panting
at Orion's feet