What Happened

"I was walking down the street the other day and you wouldn't believe what happened! Do you want me to tell you? Ok, great. It was so incredibly rude! I just can't stand rude people they are just so...ugh!

"Anyway, I'm walking down the street, I think it was right near the corner of 5th and Dewey, you know where they have that cute little cafe that has the best blueberry muffins on the entire planet? Yeah yeah, it's right across from that hardware place where they are always asking if you want a screw with that. It's so perverted, I know.

"So, I'm across from the hardwear place and just walking along fine. Actually, come to think of it, I was limping a little bit because I had those new high heels that I got on Saturday. The red ones. No, not the ones with the little white dot on the toe I got those last Saturday. I was wearing the ones from this Saturday. The 14th. Remember? Finally! Ok, where was I? Oh yeah!

"So I'm kinda limping along because those things are torture to the back of my heels. Normally I just put band-aids on and I'm good to go but that morning I forgot about it. Well, I wouldn't say that I forgot - more that I didn't have time. I woke up so late, and then my hair dryer wasn't working at all. I spent about 10 minutes trying to figure it out and then I realized I just had to push that little red button. Gosh - what is that called? You know what I am talking about...the little red thing on all the outlets. It's like a circuit breaker or something, I don't know. Electricity isn't my specialty, I'm much more of a shoes kind of girl!

"Right, so back to my shoes! I didn't have band-aids on my heels and I was paying for it by the time I was walking down the street. Actually, I was paying for it long before then. I had gone to about five or six shops already before this horrible thing happened, so I can just let you imagine how red my heels were! It's a pain being a woman it really is.

"What? Oh I think it was before noon still, though. No! Wait, that's totally off because I remember eating lunch at Jerry's. Yeah, I had their chicken salad with the ranch croutons. You've never had that? Oh my god, is it so good! Yeah! Oh, and the funniest thing was that they was this super cute guy in the booth behind me and he ordered the exact same thing, it was funny. No, I didn't talk to him! You know I don't have the guts to do that!

"Anyway, as I was saying. I'm walking down the street and - what? Oh yeah, well let's see I think it was around two-ish. I had eaten a while ago. Yup, that's right because I checked my watch and I still had three hours until the store closed.

"You know, that one little clothes store down by Main street. That's where I was going. I wanted to pick up this really cute shirt that I saw on the way to work. It had this shimmery blue layer that was kinda see-through over this green layer. I thought it looked like the ocean. Yeah, your so totally right I thought that too, my eyes would match it perfectly. That's why I wanted it! No, I wasn't able to get it because of what happened.

"It's a little after two and I'm limping down the street and I'm completely mad, right? Well then I turn the corner and - yeah going down on Dewey. What do you mean? The clothes shop is that way. Yes it is! You go down Dewey, take a left at the light, then go straight for two blocks, take a right and your there! Well, I guess you can just go straight for two blocks and take a right going two blocks down but then you get the 8th street sidewalk traffic all the time. See, I'm always right.

"Ok, anyway, as I was saying, I turn the corner and right away I notice that the sidewalk is cracked. I hate it when the sidewalk is cracked don't you? I know it's so annoying! It's like the city has money can't they just fix it? It's not that hard! Oh and it had weeds growing up out of it too it's like, 'Hello? Ever heard of Round Up?'

"Oh no, Round Up is much better than that other stuff! Nu-uh! Look honey, I've tried the other stuff just like the commercial and that stuff is crap. Round Up is the only thing that actually kills the weeds.

"You WHAT? Prefer to just pull it? Are you insane? Why would you want to put your back through that? It's so much better to just spray it and let the thing die, you don't have to actually work! Listen, that's what the Amish do, okay? They work like dogs day and night instead of using products that can do it for them. Yeah, yeah you laugh now but I'll be laughing at you when you have back troubles.

"Right, I'm limping around the corner and see the crack that has the weed and when I look up there's this guy coming toward me. The first thing I notice is his hair, it was so fake I almost burst out laughing. I mean it looked like there was a rat on his head! The color didn't even match, that's what was even more sad and it was kinda windy so it fluttered back a little. I almost felt sorry for the man.

"So I'm trying my hardest not to laugh at this guy and he just walks by me. Once I'm gone I'm able to compose myself. Ok, so I keep walking and just outside of the Chinese place. You know, that really rundown place that I refused to go into? And I am not judgemental, I'm very logical! Hey, if a restaurant keeps their outside crappy like that then how do you think they keep their kitchen? People don't get to see that!

"Ok, I'm just about to pass the place when the door flies open and this guy plows right into me! I mean right into me. No, I didn't fall over because he literally shoved me against the wall but I would have! It was so disgusting because the wall had this goo-like stuff all over it and I was wearing my white cashmere sweater!

"Of course! It's at the dry cleaners right now. I actually had them wash it twice because I didn't trust that they would get the germs off it with just one. Yeah, I'll have to pay for two washings but at least it will smell nice.

"Anyway, the guy didn't even say sorry or excuse me, or anything! He just kept right on walking and I'm standing there with my mouth open, practically stuck to the slimy wall! I know that my mouth was hanging open and I probably looked like an idiot but I just couldn't believe his behavior!

"Well, I'm going to have to get going. So, that's what happened, the guy ran into me and didn't apologize. Yup, that's it. But it was enough to make me mad for the rest of the day! I swear I glared at every man I saw! I'm over it now though.

"Yeah, ok! I'll talk to you later then! Bye!"

*~*

This was written for for a contest

And men wonder how women can talk on the phone for so long.