Wouldn't You?

WOULDN'T YOU?

KATIE

Hello?

LISA

You don’t sound too happy.

KATIE

Who’s speaking?

LISA

Katie –

KATIE

Oh, hi, Lisa.

LISA

We’re coming over tonight.

KATIE

Who’s we?

LISA

Bridget. Maggie. Me. We’ll be over in about five minutes. You don’t mind, do you?

KATIE

Have you ever given me the option?

LISA

Good point. Come on, it’ll be fun.

KATIE

You say that every time.

WOULDN’T YOU?

EVERY TIME YOU SAY IT’S GOING TO BE FUN
BUT EVERY TIME IS JUST THE SAME
EACH TIME IS GOING TO BE THE DIFFERENT ONE
TELL ME HOW LONG WE HAVE TO PLAY THIS GAME

YOU TELL ME TO GO
YOU TELL ME I SHOULD
BUT I’D RATHER STAY AT HOME
AND YOU KNOW I WOULD
WOULDN’T YOU?

(KATIE stands and begins to pace around her apartment. She makes her way to the refrigerator, opens it up, bends over, and searches for something.)

Look, I’d really rather you didn’t. My apartment looks –

LISA

The same as usual. All it needs is some white paint.

KATIE

There are a whole bunch of things I need before paint.

LISA

Like what?

(KATIE straightens up from the fridge.)

KATIE

Like, food.

LISA

Okay, so I take it we’re going out to eat.

KATIE

I’d really rather –

LISA

Blah, blah, blah.

YOU SAY WE’D HAVE MORE FUN WITHOUT YOU
SO WHY DO WE DRAG YOU ALONG?
YOU KNOW YOU’LL HAVE FUN IF YOU WANT TO
AND TELL ME, KATIE, WHEN HAVE I BEEN WRONG?

YOU TELL ME TO GO
AND YOU’LL BE ALL RIGHT
IF IT WERE ME I’D RATHER
GO LIVE MY LIFE
WOULDN’T YOU?

So, it’s your pick. What do you want to do?

KATIE

Tell all three of you to go away.

LISA

Pessimist.

KATIE

Thank you.

LISA

For what?

KATIE

LISA

FOR PROVING
THE POINT YOU MADE FOR ME

I DON’T SEE

FOR ME

WHAT YOU MEAN

IF YOU THINK
I DON’T KNOW I THINK NEGATIVELY

I SEE WHAT YOU’RE SAYING
BUT YOU KNOW IT ISN’T TRUE

HOW DO YOU KNOW I DO?
WOULDN’T YOU?

WOULDN’T YOU?

KATIE

WHAT’S THE OCCASION?
BRIDGET’S NEW BOYFRIEND?

LISA

MORE LIKE HER BREAK UP
MAKE UP AND WAKE UP

KATIE

WITH WHO?

LISA

You don’t want to know.

KATIE

Todd?

LISA

I KNOW THAT YOU’RE STILL HURT
IT LASTED A YEAR
AND TO MAKE IT WORSE
YOU STILL SEE HER HERE

BUT HE’S MOVING ON
AND SO SHOULD YOU
BUT I’LL UNDERSTAND
IF YOU NEED ME TO
WHY YOU SHUT YOURSELF UP
THE WAY THAT YOU DO

KATIE

WOULDN’T YOU?

LISA

So we aren’t going out tonight.

KATIE

Thank you for understanding.

LISA

But next time, right?

KATIE

Right.

LISA

Promise?

KATIE

Promise.

LISA

Okay, I’ll call you.

KATIE

Bye.

LISA

Bye.

(The lights on LISA’s third of the stage go down and KATIE hangs up the phone.)

KATIE

WOULDN’T YOU?