Rolly and Bubba

Trick or Treating with Bubba and Rolly

“Do I hafta take this youngan trick-a-treatin’?” Bubba said hoping for a reprieve.

“Yes, you do, Bubba. Rolly is our guest. He wants to go trick-a-treatin’ and we are gonna show him some southern hospitality,” answered Jim.

“But Jim, he’s jist a littl’ ol’ youngan and I’m a feared he mite git hurt. Jest s’posed he gits skeered and a takes off a running and I can’t catch up to ‘em. He mite run off in thu woods and git snake bit,” suggested Bubba.

“Now, Bubba,” cajoled Jim, “It’s gettin’ a little cool and the snakes are already in their dens a settlin’ down for a long winter nap, so it’s not likely they’ll be out in the woods moving around.”

“What if a bear gits ‘em? You ever thought o that?” asked Bubba.

“As a matter of fact, I haven’t. My pappy mentioned a bear one time, but in all my born days, I ain’t never seen one round here,” said Jim.

“At’s cause they’s good at a hidin’,” Bubba stated.

“Maybe, but they ain’t but six houses round the Red House junction here and you kin take little Rolly to them houses and they’ll give him some candy, be it store bought or homemade and it’ll make him happy and I’ll be pleased. I don’t thank you gonna run into much danger doing that.”

“Well, alright, but if they be any danger and sum’pin happens, the blood’s gonna be on yore head,” Bubba pronounced with finality.

“That’s fine, Bubba, I accept the liability. Now take the boy trick-a-treatin’ and stop at Harley’s first cause he goes to bed mighty early.”

Little Rolly had arrived just the day before Halloween and asked if they could go trick-or-treating, Red House style. Before he realized he would have to take him, Bubba thought it was a great idea. He set about helping to make a costume for him, since AB Smith Grocery Merchandize and Haberdashery Emporium didn’t carry Halloween costumes. As a matter of fact, most people round the area didn’t even celebrate Halloween. It was just another day and though some groups did have fall festivals, because it was so close to Thanksgiving they usually just waited till then for any parties.

Jim also got busy calling each of the six households to let them know Rolly and Bubba were going to be coming by so they would have some kind of treat for their out of town guest.

For someone who was not excited about taking Rolly trick-or-treating, Bubba had done an excellent job with his costume and make-up. He had gotten some old clothes and made a bum costume for Rolly. With chimney smut, he had blackened his eyes giving him a hollow-eyed look along with sunken cheeks and an evil mustache. Then with a couple of scars painted on his face he really looked scary.

“Rolly, where you from?” asked Bubba.

“As you would say down here, I was born and bred at Gailey’s Place up by the lake. She’s got a nice cabin and lots of people stop by all the time to visit, so it’s never lonely.”

“I know where that is,” volunteered Bubba, “Me and Jim went there once.”

“Yes, I know,” said Rolly, “Everyone still talks about your visit.”

“We really made a impression, huh?” boasted Bubba.

“Yep, I’ll say you did. Gailey still trying to get that strange odor out!” he replied.

“That’s my signature fragrance,” said Bubba, “I make it with possum grease, rose petals and a touch of honeysuckle nectar for body.”

“Gailey says it has a lot of body,” Rolly commented.

They were almost ready to head out on their trick-or-treating venture, but first Bubba wanted to set the stage. So he knelt down to Rolly’s level.

“Rolly, I don’t know if you know it or not, but Red House is haunted,” he said.

“Really, for real?” Rolly asked.

“Gospel truth,” he said, “Cross my heart and hope to die and spit on my momma’s grave.”

“Are we going to see any ghosts tonight?” asked Rolly.

“We might,” Bubba said, “Cause you see, they’s Confederate soldiers, pore orphaned youngans, hunged criminals and young girls with unrequited love all a running round looking for their lost ones. So we gonna have to be on the look out fer all these folks so as they don’t throw a spell on us and turn us into frogs or a tadpole.”

“You think it’s safe for us to go out?” Rolly asked.

“Oh, I thank it’ll be alright. We gonna stay on the main road,” Bubba assured him.

They started off down the road and the first house was Harley’s. Jim had instructed him to stop there first and Bubba, because he didn’t know why he should not stop there first, followed his instructions. Approaching the house, a couple of hound dogs bayed like they had just sniffed a cold coon trail anew and Bubba instructed Rolly.

“Don’t worry ‘bout old Blue and Brumy. Them old coon dogs so old they done lost their teeth. They won’t bother you none. Jest go on up to the door and knock real hard and holler, “Trick-a-treat! Trick-a-treat! Give me something good to eat!”

After doing what Bubba has told him, the door opened and there stood Harley in his nightshirt. He probably had already gone to bed, but he was all smiles when he saw Rolly dressed up in his costume.

“You must be that youngan from the big north woods. I scrounged around and looky what I found, a apple and a rudybegger. This must be yore lucky day.”

“Give ‘em two of them rudybeggers, Harley, he likes ‘em,” shouted Bubba from the darkness.

“Alright, Bubba. Hold on a minute boy, I got a good big one in my rudybegger bin,” he said as he retreated back into the house to get it. He appeared shortly and dropped both rutabagas into Rolly’s bag.

After Rolly had returned to where Bubba waited, he asked what a rudybegger was.

“Hit’s a hard turnip root and ain’t fit fer man or beast. Only good it has is for someone like Harley what don’t know no better,” Bubba pronounced.

“Why did we ask him for two?” asked Rolly.

“Well, when we come back down the road and git to the blacktop highway, we’ll throw ‘em against the stop sign and see how loud we can make it rattle. That’s the only other use for rudybeggers.”

At the next house, Mrs. Smith, wife of AB, answered the door with half of a buttermilk pound cake and three Baby Ruths and as the left, they turned up old Miller Road to go by the Whinnery house. There Mrs. Whinnery had apples and oranges, a pound of homemade fudge, and a carton of cheese left over from the old Whine and Cheese Company. Rolly’s bag was filling up with Red House goodies.

Leaving the Whinnery house, Rolly saw an old house a little further up the road, but they weren’t going in that direction.

“Who’s house is that?” he asked.

“That’s the old Miller house,” Bubba replied.

“Why aren’t we going up there?” he asked.

“Cause ain’t nobody living up thur and b’sides that, hit’s haunted,” said Bubba.

“You mean there’s ghosts in that house?” he asked.

“Yeah, ghosts, spirits, hants, demons, old Lucifer hisself might be up thur. You don’t want to go up thur,” Bubba assured Rolly.

“Why not, Bubba, let’s go see those ghosts cause I have never seen a real live ghost.” Rolly said.

“I jist told you ‘why not.’ Cause they’s ghosts up thur and Rolly, you don’t want to see no ghost. Cause when that ghost runs at you, yore little shock a hair what you got will stand up on end and yore little diaper will flap in the breeze,” Bubba assured him. “Why, I seen grown men’s legs turn to jelly at the sight of a ghost.”

“Oh yes I do,” stated Rolly as he turned toward the old Miller House.

“No, Rolly,” said Bubba, “Wait and let me tell you why I can’t go up there. You see, my first cousin, Betty Lou wus kilt up thur.”

“Was that on your mother’s side or your father’s?” Rolly asked.

“She wuz my first cousin on both sides. You see, she wuz a Whinnery on my grandpa’s side, but her momma was a Winnery on my grandma’s side. They’s the same family, ‘cept one side changed the spelling o’ their name cause they wanted to court one another, but all that don’t matter. Anyway Betty Lou wuz kilt up thur and one o her cousins done it and best we can figure she’s mad at her cousin. Now, I’m a cousin and if I go up thur, she might thank I done thu killing.”

“But you didn’t kill her, did you, Bubba?” asked Rolly.

“No, I’d never do sum’pin like ‘at,” he said.

“Well, don’t you think she knows who did it?” asked Rolly.

“I s’posed she does, but she’s always gittin’ us mixed up. I’m Bubba P. and one time she thought I wuz Bubba C. and one time she even thought I wuz Bubba D. On top of all that, she’s always a mite near-sighted and I ain’t gonna let her git close enough to see cause I don’t cotton to no ghost a gittin’ that close.”

“Bubba, that all sounds like one of your made up stories, so I’m going to the old Miller House with or without you,” Rolly said as he started toward the old house.

“Smart aleck young whipper-snapper,” Bubba mumbled as he started after him.

As they approached the old house, it was indeed spooky. The old trees surrounding the house had already shed their leaves and as the wind blew, they seem to reach out to grasp the house as if to protect it against any unwanted intrusions. Sounds emanated from the house as the wind blew around corners, through open and broken windows and down the old center dogtrot hallway. Bubba was ready to leave and his voice quivered slightly.

“Rolly, this is really ain’t no good idea. People done come up here on a regular nite and never ever come back,” he said.

“Oh Bubba, you’re just a nervous ninny,” he responded. “Come on, let’s go in.”

Before Bubba could protest any more, Rolly had opened the door and entered the old house and Bubba, though he did not want to enter, knew he could not leave his young friend and guest alone in the old house. He followed into a room that was remarkably clean albeit a little dusty.

Suddenly there was a flash of lightening and a loud clap of thunder. For a split second, Bubba’s heart either skipped a couple of beats or beat several extra times. Whichever it was, the effect was the same and he had to put out a hand against the wall to steady his trembling and weakened knees.

“Bubba, I saw a candle on the mantle when the lightening flashed. Do you have a match?” Rolly asked.

“I don’t know if we want to do that,” Bubba managed to say.

“Oh, come on, Bubba, don’t be a chicken,” coaxed Rolly.

Bubba retrieved the candle from the mantle and taking a large blue-headed kitchen match he struck it against his overalls. As the phosphorus head ignited into flames he started to light the candlewick but when he approached the wick, his match suddenly went out. A second try resulted in the same thing and Bubba was now ready to leave, convinced a ghostly finger, Cousin Betty Lou’s, was extinguishing the match. But at Rolly’s urging he tried a third time and was successful.

“Isn’t this neat?” said Rolly excitedly, “Here with all the ghosts?”

“No, I don’t thank this is neat,” grumbled Bubba. “We better git out of here.”

“Oh Cousin Betty Lou!” Rolly shouted, “Come on out. What’s the matter, are you scared of us?”

“Hush, Rolly,” commanded Bubba. “You don’t know Betty Lou like I know, I mean knew her. Not only is she forgetful and near-sighted, but she’s also mean. You don’t want to meet her.”

Just then, a loud noise was heard upstairs as if a rather large piece of furniture had flipped over.

“That’s her,” said Bubba, “She’s mad now and she’s coming down here. We better git outa here now!”

Then a loud knocking was heard as if someone were banging on the door.

“What was that?” asked Rolly.

“I don’t know,” said Bubba.

A second loud knocking was heard along with a shout, “Who you gonna call?”

By now, Bubba’s eyes were large, looking as if they might literally pop out of the sockets.

“We gotta git out,” whined Bubba, “Before it’s too late.”

But again the knocking was heard and the shout, “Who you gonna call?”

“It’s at the front door, Bubba,” Rolly said, “We better go see who it is.”

“No!” shouted Bubba, “Let’s check the back door!”

But Rolly was already up and opening the front door before Bubba could stop him. As the door swung open, there stood a middle-aged man with glasses so thick they looked like the bottoms of two old Coca-cola bottles. Obviously extremely nearsighted, he said, “Good evening, sir or madam. I am here to ask you who you gonna call?”

“Well,” Rolly answered.

“No need to answer that," he interrupted, "it’s just an opening line to get our conversation going. I have the best plan for long distance cellular telephone calling in the world, this one or that one. Yep, that’s what I said, in the world. Do you mind if I come in and meet the little woman? I’m sure there is a little woman with a man as sharp and good looking as you are. I like your suit, it becomes you. You see, I represent the Ghostway Long Distance Cellular Telephone Company and we used to be the Amway Long Distance Cellular Service, but that was before the accident. How would you like to make some money? I thought you would. Well, I have a plan for you to make a kazillion dollars by tomorrow night if you have 8 million friends you can call tonight. And of course, you’ll call on Ghostway Long Distance Cellular Telephone Service and make money while you spend money. You’ll be king of the multi-level, networking, pyramid sales of the netherworld. A super-duper platinum diamond with gold oak leaf clusters. What do you say, want to sign up?”

“Well, I…” stammered Rolly.

“No! Don’t sign it!” shouted Bubba.

“Here, you just hold the pin and I’ll move the paper under it,” instructed the super salesman, and Rolly’s name appeared on the contract.

Suddenly maniacal laughter filled the room and Bubba recognized it as Betty Lou, but he was powerless to do anything. He seemed glued to the floor, his legs and feet felt as if they were made of lead. Suddenly there was a brilliant light followed by an explosion, the entire house was on fire and both Bubba and Rolly lost consciousness.

“Rolly. Rolly,” the quiet voice crept into his consciousness and he slowly opened his eyes.

“Rolly, are you awake?” said the voice and as he opened his eyes, he recognized the familiar face of his dear friend, Gailey.

“My, my, you sure were sleeping hard and deep, Rolly, but it’s time to get up. Tonight is Halloween and we have to get the cabin ready for the party.”

“Cabin? Party? Tonight? Where am I?” the questions bubbled from his lips.

“You’re in your bed in the cabin and yes, the party is tonight here in the cabin. Wannabe, David, Pan, Starr and lots of others are coming,” Gailey reminded him.

“Is Bubba coming?” he asked.

“I don’t know. He hasn’t let me know if he is, but he might. Would you like to invite him?” She asked.

“No, I guess I had a dream. Thank heavens it was only a dream,” he said.

“You better get up and get started with your chores for the party,” Gailey told him as she left the room.

Getting out of bed, he was reflecting on the terrible dream and how wonderful it was knowing it was only a dream. After he had dressed, he started out of his room when he saw it. Was it what he thought it was? No, it couldn’t be, after all, it was only a dream. But sure as rain, there it was and he couldn’t deny it, a rutabaga, just the right size for throwing against a stop sign.