The White Elephant

The White-Elephant Christmas Gift

Twas the night before the party,
There was snow out on the lawn,
A three-dollar gift was required,
By tomorrow I must have one.

It’s called a white-elephant gift,
But it’s really just a gag,
Three dollars was what I should spend,
It shouldn’t be a drag.

Its purpose was to embarrass,
To make us hoot and cheer,
Like when Fat Fred opened his gift,
And found a lacy black brassiere.

The gift lists are endless,
Like things you get at Niagara,
Or when the boss opened his gift,
And found a bottle of Viagra.

So I rushed to my supplier,
You really don’t have to be smart,
Where prices are under construction,
It’s my friendly local Wal-Mart.

I rushed inside with abandon,
Looking for laughter and mirth,
There was so much to could choose from,
That I questioned my own birth.

I grabbed a clerk and shouted,
“A cheap gift that’s a waste,”
And I got my white-elephant,
A tube of Boudreaux’s Butt Paste.