Determined

I love you.

The church is filled with flowers
in pinks and golds, fragile blooms
that symbolize the new life of marriage.
I look into the gray eyes of the priest
and try to think of all the times
you tried to convince me to take this step.

I can’t count them all.

The rows are filled with all of our friends, smiling
so completely, so happy this has happened
at last. Anxious family members grin,
so thrilled at what they see. I remember
you saying you love me, saying that
you would pick the stars for me if I wanted.

I want it now.

The priest says, “Speak now, or forever
hold your peace,” and the brief moment of silence
is broken only by the rustle of a dress
in the front pew. I wonder how long
you waited to tell me how you felt,
and how long you would have waited for me.

I don’t want to wait anymore.

The rest of the words go by in a
celebratory blur until, “You may now
kiss the bride,” and then the pact is sealed.
I force a smile as you walk your new bride
back down the aisle, toward your new life together,
thinking of how it could have gone for us.

I’m determined to be happy for you.