Emotions: Accepted

"Emotions: Accepted"
(12/07/02 to 12/11/02 -- 19 years old)

         Think of how it feels when someone says something to you along the lines of "You shouldn't feel that way." It is invalidating the feelings that you are genuinely experiencing. Many of us, though, do this same thing to ourselves. Some times we may realize it; other times we might not.

         This is shown when we tell ourselves that there's nothing to feel sad about or that we have to "put on a happy face" for other people. The honest truth, though, is that it is okay to feel ... any and all emotions. More than that, it's normal and healthy!!! It's also okay to be confused about how you're feeling or why you are feeling a certain way.

         Many people believe that feeling anger is inappropriate, but to quote something that an old therapist of mine would say to her younger clients: "It's okay to be mad; it's not okay to be mean!" That is a very important distinction that NEEDS to be made -- emotions do NOT need to be followed by any certain behaviours!!!

         At times, it can be thought of as a bad thing to show intense, uncomfortable emotions at all around certain people. As stated by a friend of mine and former Writing.Com member, "You fucking people need me, so I can't fucking break down." To her and anyone who I would come across with the same thought process, I say, that as weird as it may seem, the most important person in an individual's life is him- or her- SELF!!! To be able to give to others, one must be healthy enough and have given to themself first. Otherwise, there is nothing TO give! So, my response to her was to feel whatever she needed to feel. If she thought she was going to break down, she NEEDED to. Other people might not react to emotions in the way that was expected. Even if others react, though, it is necessary for THEM to do so, and is not the "fault" of anyone.

         Sometimes, people are afraid to be happy. I know that, at times, I am one of these people. Both the fear and the happiness are okay, though. The fear is, most likely, a message about certain views you may have. For example, it may be a sign that (as in my case) you believe the happiness will not last or will be followed by intense pain. Realizing this, the thought process can start to be altered. Even if happiness IS followed by deep sadness, it is important to enjoy the happiness while it is present!

         To make a little more sense on the topic, I'll explain a bit about the main concepts of cognative therapy. In cognative therapy, maladaptive thoughts (such as "It is not good to be happy") are worked on to be changed to more productive ones. This is because there is a process to getting to the point of feeling emotions.

First, there is an event precipitating the cycle.
Second, there is an automatic thought.
Third, the automatic thought leads to the feeling.
(these second and third steps are often looped, bringing more thoughts or intensifying the old ones, and therefore intensifying the accompanying emotions)
The final step is the behavior/your response.

         Mainly what I wanted to get at there was that there is a THOUGHT process behind all emotions which are felt! Thus, when repressing emotions or scolding ourselves for having them, we are disallowing ourselves to gain information about what is going on with us and denying opportunities for personal growth.

         I hope after reading this, you consider allowing yourself to be more human -- by allowing yourself to feel more of those emotions... and accepting them!