Clogged Drain--- a Love story

“Ladies and gentlemen I have the pleasure of welcoming you to today’s show. We’ll be talking with this fascinating couple, the Ropers. Their story of love at first site maybe a little different than the usual boy meets girl, girl falls for boy and then living happily-ever-after. The Ropers met over a clogged sink .

“Mrs. Roper, since it was your sink, why don’t you tell us your story.”

Doris Roper is a middle-aged woman wearing a conservative floral dress, a pair of open-toe sandals, and her hair is done up in a school teacher bun. Her modestly applied make-up accentuates her facial features; her button nose, high cheek bones, and her bright blue eyes. She shifts her body around in the high backed chair and leans forward. She smiles and collects her thoughts before speaking.

“Well Montel, may I call you Montel?”

“Sure, call me anything but late for supper.” (giggle)

“I had plans for dinner, a co-worker had invited himself over for a spaghetti dinner. Just thinking about the audacity of this person and my cowardice not to stand up for myself and say ‘no’, well it gave me a huge migraine headache. I needed a large dose of pain killers if I were going to make it through the night.

“I had just opened up my package of hamburger as was putting it in my skillet. In doing so I had brushed the bottom of my pan on my cutting board and I accidentally knocked my garlic cloves into the sink. In my pain killer fog I thought it was rather funny to watch the elliptical rolls of the garlic in the bottom of the sink. It rolled like it was on an irreversible course for the stainless steel ring in the middle of the sink.

“The garlic fell into the drain. I heard the paper-like skin of the herb against the sides and I just got this feeling that I wasn’t going to be able to get this out without some professional help. I always did like a man in uniform.”

Doris looked towards Daniel, her husband, with her loving eyes. Daniel felt her eyes and the eyes of everyone in the audience on him. His palms began to sweat as he started to squirm under the lights.

“I got the emergency call from dispatch.” said Daniel.

Dan is also middle-aged. He is wearing a gray suit with black polished shoes. He talks with a mildly bass voice.

“I think I was watching a baseball game on the tube. I took her number and brief job description down. I grabbed my tool belt and car keys and went straight to the house.

“When I got there I could smell that there was definitely something different about this house. It is something, even to this day, I can’t explain except by rationalizing that it must have been love in the air. When she opened the door I was taken aback by her beauty, her innocence, and the smell of the spaghetti. When she smiled I was floating and the world stopped rotating.

“Sorry, guys, but as unbelievable this sounds for a guy to admit... It was love at first site. This was the first job I can actually remember doing where I hoped I wouldn’t expose my professional trademark...plumber’s crack.

“She showed me to the sink and I was relieved to see that she had a distant stare in her eyes as well. She says it was the overdose of painkillers but I knew she also felt the love in the room.

“The garlic wasn’t lodged into the drain to deeply. I just reached into the drain and pulled it out. Then I wanted to show her that I knew my way around a cutting board. I sucked in my breath, grabbed the large knife from the wooden block and finely minced the garlic.

“She invited me to stay for dinner... and we were married that Saturday, three days after we met.”

“And that was fifteen years ago.” said Doris.

“Before I hand you over for questions from the audience, I would like to know what happened to the co-worker?”

“It was the weirdest thing,” exclaimed Doris, “but he had the worst night of his adult life. He misplaced his keys, his shower stopped working in the middle of his rinse, got a flat tire, and a speeding ticket. He gave up once he saw the plumbers truck in the driveway.”

“Well Doris and Dan, that seems to be all the time we have. The cast and crew have pitched in and we have some anniversary gifts back stage for you. Enjoy your life together.

“This is Montel saying ‘Good night and see you tomorrow when we talk about how to have a successful talk show.”